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Old 25 May 2007, 10:54 PM
Capri
 
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Default "On The Desk" or "Don't Leave It On The Desk"


Subject: On the desk -- please please read all the way through

don't leave it on the desk

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States. Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. . Every student was
required to take this course his freshman year, regardless of his or her major.

Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class..

One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. "How many push-ups can you do?"

Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."

"200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr.. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?"

Steve replied, "I don't know.... I've never done 300 at a time."

"Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson.

"Well, I can try," said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor.

Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it."

Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room.

When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls.

Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson' s class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?"

Cynthia said, "Yes."

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"

"Sure." Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on
Cynthia's desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?"

Joe said, "Yes."

Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?"

Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut.

Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship.

When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"

Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own push-ups?"

Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them."

Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?"

With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push-ups.

Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"

Dr. Christianson said, "Look! this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you
don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down . You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.

Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny,
"Jenny, do you want a donut?"

Sternly, Jenny said, "No."

Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?"

Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool
of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten push-ups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely.

Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room.

When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your push-ups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!"

Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."

Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push-ups for him?"

Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut."

Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"

Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "give me a donut." "Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?"

Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?"

Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?"

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.

Then Dr Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?"

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone. I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work.

Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes."

"Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?"

As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said. "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, 'into thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten."

Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

"Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding "Not all sermons are preached in words."

Turning to his class, the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not only His Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid."

"Wouldn't you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?"
  #2  
Old 25 May 2007, 10:56 PM
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Artemis Artemis is offline
 
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From the old boards...

Doughnut-a-chow.

This one is classic, though. Twisted and sick and glurgey...AND full of doughnuts.

ETA: Doughnut-a-chow squared. (It was chowed again here, but there's another funny discussion that results.)

Though the part about Steve being the best student in the class seems to be new.
  #3  
Old 26 May 2007, 12:57 AM
Zakor
 
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Wow, a professor of religion named "Christianson," who would have thought...
  #4  
Old 26 May 2007, 01:16 AM
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Why is a class on Christianity required? Is it a Christian school? If so, why do the students not seem to care about Christianity?
Note to self: Do not attempt to use logic when dealing with glurge.
  #5  
Old 26 May 2007, 01:16 AM
Capri
 
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Yes, "Christianson" in a sickly religious glurge, how much more contrived can it get? Or do we really want to find out?

I thought the whole thing was absurd and like all chain email designed to target Christians, debasing to the Christian faith. It's a shame so many go on forwarding it, denigrating Christianity further.

Honestly, what real Christian would initiate and participate just to show that Jesus died on a cross to save humanity? Jesus already paid for our sins, so it's actually unChristian to make Steve become a pushover just so that everybody else gets to pig out on doughnuts. Does this professor think Steve is Jesus or something, and that he himself is some sort of weird version of Pilate? I mean, it's already been done, nobody needs to try illustrating the point any further with doughnuts, push-ups and desks, and such mind-numbing sickly glurge.

I don't know why I'm the only Christian it seems, who sees this stuff for what it is - crap and an exploitation of unfortunatelly far too many willing Christians passing it on.
  #6  
Old 26 May 2007, 01:26 AM
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It was worth reading this sickly glurge to read Pinqy's response.

Quote:
Let me sum up. Brother Christianson is God. Steve is Jesus. The students are People. God has in his possession salvation...eternal happiness. Assuming they are Krispy Kreme donuts, this part is not allegorical. Instead of simply giving away salvation, God sets up arbitrary and irrational rules for people to obtain it, putting the entire burden on Jesus, who must suffer for no apparrant reason.

The Hell element is missing though...so I'll add it. Brother Christianson pulled out a lead pipe and told the students that if they did not eat the donut, or if Steve failed to do a push-up for them, he would beat them with the pipe. Furthermore, he would beat any student in the school who didn't eat a donut, even those who were not in the class and those who didn't even know about the donuts and even though there weren't enough donuts for everyone.

pinqy
  #7  
Old 26 May 2007, 02:58 AM
Zakor
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karmyn View Post
Why is a class on Christianity required? Is it a Christian school? If so, why do the students not seem to care about Christianity?
Note to self: Do not attempt to use logic when dealing with glurge.
It does seem odd that it's not a class ABOUT Christianity, but to become Christian.
  #8  
Old 26 May 2007, 03:26 AM
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Do he and Professor Catholician fight over parking spaces?
  #9  
Old 26 May 2007, 01:35 PM
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The thing about a lot of these glurges is that they seem to believe we don't understand the premise behind Christianity. That we haven't heard or understood the story behind it.

We have, we get it. Explaining it to us in metaphor doesn't enable us to understand it better not is anyone going to suddenly stand up and shout "Oh, I get it now, I'll become a Christian".

Sigh.
  #10  
Old 09 June 2007, 12:33 AM
Ajay
 
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"Jesus, would you do ten more push-ups so Judas can have a donut that he doesn't want?"
"Judas can go hang himself!"
"Thomas, do you want a donut?"
"I don't believe in donuts. But can I stick my finger in the hole?"
"Jesus, would you do ten more push-ups so Thomas can have a donut that he doesn't believe in?"
  #11  
Old 09 June 2007, 11:28 AM
mcolakis mcolakis is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capri View Post
I don't know why I'm the only Christian it seems, who sees this stuff for what it is - crap and an exploitation of unfortunatelly far too many willing Christians passing it on.
I'm a Christian and I dislike these kinds of stories too. Fortunately, the other Christians I know are also too intelligent for them, or they know my opinion of glurge, as I seldom get glurge forwarded to me. My sympathies if you have friends and family that lap this stuff up and regularly send it on to everyone.

One other point: Did people notice that this happens on Friday (i.e. Good Friday)?
  #12  
Old 11 June 2007, 12:35 PM
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Interesting how when the professor is an atheist teaching a required course about atheism, he's portrayed as this evil, Christian-killing man full of hatred, but when he's a Christian teaching a required course about Christianity, he's portrayed as a stern but loving teacher who only wants the best for his students.
  #13  
Old 11 June 2007, 03:40 PM
Dr. Dave Dr. Dave is offline
 
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Ok, I have a phrase to add to the list of "things that when said by someome, think the oppostite" (example: when someone says "trust me," don't.) And that would be:

Quote:
please please read all the way through
  #14  
Old 11 June 2007, 04:05 PM
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And if I was in that class, I would eat all the donuts that the others didn't. And then I'd ask if the prof could go out and get more, because we had to spread the good word to the rest of the school too. And then I'd declare myself an apostle of Steve (heh...I might do that anyway), and decide if people really deserved a donut or not.

pinqy
  #15  
Old 11 June 2007, 04:10 PM
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This part is new:

Quote:
This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class..

...

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone. I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work.

Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes."
In the original, Steve was a juvenile delinquent of some kind who was only in the class because of their generous "open door" policy... now he's a model student from the start. That makes a bit more sense. Why didn't they go all the way and make him the professor's son too, though?

And what kind of party is this?!
  #16  
Old 12 June 2007, 12:25 PM
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Also, why did they take the time to note how all the kids were popular, attractive, or successful? I'm guessing it was to show that popular kids can be compassionate too. Either that, or the glurge author is an amateur writer who feels the need to describe every character's life in perfect detail.
  #17  
Old 12 June 2007, 08:28 PM
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Unfortunatley, on the last push up, Steve's bicep tendons snapped. The surgeons were able to reattach the muscle, but his football days were over. Since he was a scholarship student, and his parents could not afford the tuition, Steve left school that year and never was able to attend seminary. 7 years later, he was gunned down after trying to rob a liquor store. Or was he trying to lick a robber store - I always get these things mixed up. At any rate, Steve got screwed.
  #18  
Old 22 September 2009, 06:28 AM
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What gets me is that this boy, who is althetic and has a extra-cirricular activity in football (where they train constantly to be in shape including a certain number of push-ups) is suppose to demonstrate that he is suffereing just as Jesus Christ did on the Cross?

JESUS WAS WHIPPED, BEATEN, STABBED, NAILED, AND SUFFOCATED TO DEATH! HOW IS THAT LIKE DOING PUSH-UPS!?!!



Now that that issue is out of the way, the writer should have been a bit more creative in selecting a name for Professor Christianson (which would translate to "Son of Christian") it makes it obvious what his study would be in theology and make him a theologist (not a Professor of Religion) if he was a professor of religion then it would mean that he would have to cover all the basis of different religions on the world and for glurges that is unacceptable.

Quote:
Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?"

Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you."

Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?"

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.

Then Dr Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?"

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?"

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone. I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work.
Okay, never mind the whole popular kids thing that isn't important what is important is that why is a guy doing extended push-ups causing his fellow classmates to tear up to the point of sobbing. Something dosen't sound right, I have seen boys in my high school football team train until they hurt and it never made me cry. I don't think it was seeing this guy break out in a sweat over pushups that was making them upset I think it had something to do with the professor and a case of deep-seeded sick sadistic tendencies.


Who isn't to say that he wasn't ENJOYING this torture!?!?!
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