Do You Remember?

This didn't quite seem glurgey enough to go into the containment chamber, but it's a great huge trainwreck of an email nonetheless. I think what makes me maddest about it is that the Dad who is trying to explain how great his son has it really has no one to blame but himself for the spoiled brat's good fortune. I don't think Junior is learning much of a lesson here.

And it was sent in html format with multicolored comic sans text, rendering reading it nearly impossible! Bonus!

Do you remember?
Hey Dad

"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."

"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"

"It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (! slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

[Hyper Squirrel]

It's times like these I'm glad I'm so young and can't remember these things.

[snopes]

Yet another tiresome expression of the notion that "Everything about the world as it existed during my formative years was good and proper, and every change since then is a corruptive aberration."

- snopes

[Wet Blanket]

So, let me get this straight: soccer and store-bought milk are evil, and it is morally superior to call pizza "pizza pie"? Got it.

Someone please make these messages stop coming into my inbox. Make. them. stop!

Despite the fact that I grew up in the 80s, which seems to have been unanimously crowned the beginning of the evil and lazy children generation, some of the things on this list are pretty accurate of how my life was when I was growing up (i.e., never going for fast food, using a bike to get around, not having a phone in my room, never travelling out of the country).

[Hyper Squirrel]

Originally Posted by Class Bravo

Despite the fact that I grew up in the 80s, which seems to have been unanimously crowned the beginning of the evil and lazy children generation, some of the things on this list are pretty accurate of how my life was when I was growing up (i.e., never going for fast food, using a bike to get around, not having a phone in my room, never travelling out of the country).

Those all apply to me and I wasn't even alive in the eighties! Maybe I'm more mature than I thought...

Based on the things I constantly get forwarded to me on my e-mail and MySpace accounts, I would say you're already tenfold more mature and an exponentially better writer than many of the women who are my age.

[TwoGuyswithaHat]

This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."

The very concept of food ready to eat goes back to ancient Rome, while the American Automat was founded in 1912. White Castle was founded in 1921, and McDonalds was founded in 1940. Though its modern form stems from 1948 and its Ray Kroc era stems from Kroc's outright purchase of McDonald's from the McDonald brothers in 1961. So to say all food was slow is out and out wrong.

The official governing body of soccer in America was founded in 1913, and became affiliated with FIFA in 1914cite

The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

The party lines started to fall by the wayside before World War II, though it still remains in certain places in the US. cite

So, just how old is the person writing this? Really, if you're going to say how everything was better in "your day" at least pick a "day" to be from.

[Cervus]

Some people still don't own their own house, and with today's prices and massive debts, aren't likely to be able to.

[Victoria J]

Originally Posted by Zamboni_Rodeo

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers.

I think the boy to newspaper ratio makes this unlikely.

Victoria J

[damian]

I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

[Hyper Squirrel]

Also, back in the long ago 1990's when I was a young lass, we didn't have any of these so called iPods! We had to take a CD, open the player, put it in, close the lid, and choose the song we wanted to listen to. And there were only 12 or so songs on a disc!

You kids these days, you're all spoiled! *falls asleep in puddle of drool*

[mcolakis]

Just how old is this dad? I grew up in the 60s/70s and we had fast food, pizzas, credit cards, TV (admittedly, we didn't have a color one in my early years), and telephones with no party line. Nor did we have milk delivered. If the kid were talking to Grandpa, that might be another story, but even someone in his mid-to-late 50s or 60s probably grew up with McDonald's and television and the rest, unless he was impoverished or living someplace very isolated.

[Fiver]

Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died

This is a really disturbing sentence to me. not only is it out of place with the rest of the paragraph, but also, it's really cold and apathetic for someone who relishes with such nostalgia the 'good old days'.

Originally Posted by Hyper Squirrel

Also, back in the long ago 1990's when I was a young lass, we didn't have any of these so called iPods! We had to take a CD, open the player, put it in, close the lid, and choose the song we wanted to listen to. And there were only 12 or so songs on a disc!

You kids these days, you're all spoiled!

I can't imagine that one day in the future, I'll be saying to some kids "You're lucky, when I was growing up there was only digital tv, and thousands of channels to chose from - not including the On Demand channels! And my mobile phone was so big I had to carry it around in my pocket!"

[Hyper Squirrel]

Originally Posted by Tequila Mockingbird

I can't imagine that one day in the future, I'll be saying to some kids "You're lucky, when I was growing up there was only digital tv, and thousands of channels to chose from - not including the On Demand channels! And my mobile phone was so big I had to carry it around in my pocket!"

My iPod was stolen, so I've been using my mom's walkman from the eighties. When people at school see it, they have no idea what it is. When I show them, they find me uncool for 1.) Using a walkman and 2.) Listening to Billy Joel.

Hyper "Billy Joel is cool, dammit!" Squirrel

[Fiver]

Just mention to them that you don't care what they say anymore because it's your life. Furthermore, you should tell them to go ahead with their own lives and leave you alone.

My iPod broke (clickwheel stopped working, then just began to freeze and not want to turn off until the battery died - stoopid technology!) and I've realised how much I like using my CD player. Old School technology is way cooler and less more complicated.

And Billy Joel is pretty awesome also!

Tequila "she's always a woman to me" Mockingbird

[Hyper Squirrel]

Originally Posted by Tequila Mockingbird

My iPod broke (clickwheel stopped working, then just began to freeze and not want to turn off until the battery died - stoopid technology!) and I've realised how much I like using my CD player. Old School technology is way cooler and less more complicated.

And Billy Joel is pretty awesome also!

Tequila "she's always a woman to me" Mockingbird

The same thing was happening to me.

I say its a conspiracy! Lets get Columbo onto it.