Dear bully

[Saint James]

I saw this in a classroom I was working in. Looking it up, it seems to be around a lot with a number of different variations.

This one
is the closest example to the one I saw.

The boy you punched in the hall today. Committed suicide a few minutes ago. That girl you called a slut in class today. She’s a virgin. The boy you called lame. He has to work every night to support his family. That girl you pushed down the other day. She’s already being abused at home. That girl you called fat. She’s starving herself. The old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars. He fought for our country. The boy you made fun of for crying. His mother is dying. You think you know them. Guess what? You don’t! Re-post if you are against bullying. Reblog this with if you have a heart

The hook at the end is classic glurge style. And while I certainly recognize that bullying is very harmful, the utter crapsack world view of this is seems so over the top (even if many of these things do happen), that it borders on parody and undermines its key points (Bullying really hurts people; don't judge others because you don't know what they're going through).

[me, no really]

To be honest, many of the bullies I have met in my life wouldn't have cared if their victims had underlying serious issues in their lives anyway. In fact, I suspect most of them would have used the extra knowledge as further bait for amusement.

[Swordmaster]

So it's okay to bully people as long as they don't have anything else going on?

[Rachael]

That girl you called a slut in class today. She’s a virgin.

But otherwise, it would be totally okay!

Seriously, calling a girl a "slut" is damaging regardless of whether she's sexually active or not.

[Dasla]

Originally Posted by Rachael

That girl you called a slut in class today. She’s a virgin.

But otherwise, it would be totally okay!

Seriously, calling a girl a "slut" is damaging regardless of whether she's sexually active or not.

And if you pointed out she was a virgin, they would use that to bully her with.

I agree with me, not really in that they would have used any extra knowledge to bully them with. Bullies don't care if it hurts the receiving party, it's the whole point really.

And as Swordmaster said, bullying is bullying even if the person has no other problems in their life. Or doesn't "deserve" it.

[Mouse]

Yeah, being a teenage girl means you're perpetually in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" kind of situation. If you're a virgin, especially one who gets mad whenever a creep hits on you, then you're horrible and therefore undesirable, but if you cross that fuzzy invisible line and become too sexy, then you're a slut and a whore who deserves whatever happens to you.

[Furienna]

Originally Posted by Rachael

[I]Seriously, calling a girl a "slut" is damaging regardless of whether she's sexually active or not.

Sure, but the point seems to be that bullying often comes from ignorance. That many bullies taunt people their victims with things, which aren't even true.

[crocoduck_hunter]

Bullies tend not to care about whether their taunts are true or not, so long as they hurt the victim.

[Sue]

I'm sure that's true but most of the bullies I've known do seem to have a knack for going for the soft underbelly. In other words they know just what to say that will get their victim the most upset. I've no idea how they do it - it's just too bad they don't use this special power they seem to possess for something positive.

[Cervus]

In my experience, bullies will bully you regardless of your reaction. If you do react to them, of course they'll feed on that and drive the knife in deeper. But ignoring them doesn't make it stop, either -- they'll take your silence for acquiescence, and because you're not protesting, everyone decides that whatever they're saying about you must indeed be true.

[crocoduck_hunter]

Yeah, the only thing that really seems to stop bullies is to actually stop them from bullying- typically intervention by an authority.

[Cervus]

Or by moving away to a new city.

[Furienna]

Originally Posted by Cervus

In my experience, bullies will bully you regardless of your reaction. If you do react to them, of course they'll feed on that and drive the knife in deeper. But ignoring them doesn't make it stop, either -- they'll take your silence for acquiescence, and because you're not protesting, everyone decides that whatever they're saying about you must indeed be true.

I really tried to ignore some bullies, which started tormenting me a few years ago (they were some rotten kids half my age ), but it didn't work. I just had to wait until they got tired of it. But there must be some truth in that bullies want a reaction, or they wouldn't bother. So they maybe still could see, that I was upset about what they said.

[Cervus]

It depends on the situation -- I went to school in a small town with the same people for the better part of a decade. By third grade I had the label of "that girl" who even the teachers made fun of, and there was literally nothing I could do to stop it until high school was over. It didn't matter whether I reacted to it or not. I suppose if you're just a random person, bullies will eventually move on to someone else, but I never had that luxury. On a good day, I was merely outcast and shunned.

[snopes]

Committed suicide a few minutes ago.

Score one for the bully.

[Hero_Mike]

There is, in my opinion, only one thing which works on bullies, and that is the "nuclear option" of having someone bigger and scarier put the bully in their place. For many kids, this involved having some older brother or other relative come down hard on the bully - either with mere threats or actual violence - and make them understand that no bully is invincible. Those kids were lucky to have such a bodyguard.

I say this because the mentality of the bully - whether they were an otherwise "good" kid or not - was that school administration didn't have any authority over them and couldn't make them stop. Having that kind of attention and the fame that comes from "resisting authority", even at the cost of some punishment, were a price worth paying by the bully. Those who were already "bad" kids just had this enhance their reputation, and if the bully was a "good" kid - a popular student on a power trip (like a star athlete or child of wealthy or well-connected parents) - they'd often flaunt that resistance to, and immunity from authority.

My parents never realized how bad this could be - seeing as they went to school in another country, culture, and era - where discipline was "strict" to say the least, and the newly-minted communist culture encouraged and demanded honesty. There was no fostering of a sense of "honour" - when asked to bear witness, students were required to be honest, rather than avoid the stigma of being a "tattletale". So if there was a witness, they would come forward. My parents couldn't believe that nobody saw what was happening. That was true - there were witnesses - but nobody dared speak up.

But by the time I was in high school and I ended up on the receiving end of some serious violence, they were livid with school administration when the school said that any further incidents between me and the bully would result in *mutual* suspension, regardless of who was the victim or aggressor. Had I been in their shoes, I'd have threatened legal action, but their approach was to threaten public exposure of this - the court of public opinion was pretty certain to side with a victim, and against a school administration who failed to protect a student. It worked very well, but in all honestly I'd have preferred to have had an older brother to beat up the bully and put them back in their place. Frontier justice, perhaps, but when a bully was fully willing - and proud - to accept whatever punishment the school administration could mete out - it was the only thing which would work.

[Furienna]

I've actually had bullies, who stopped for a while after being told off by a grown-up. One was yelled at by his older sister, which made him shut up. But for the most time, yeah, it was pretty bad. I had to change school buses and get my own room in school to get away from the bullying.

[mags]

There are those of us who know how to go for the soft underbelly, but use it for good rather than bullying. I was sort of the anti-bully among my class, defending those who would otherwise be bullied if I wasn't around. I had a sharp tongue that went right to the sensitive spot, whatever the bully didn't like about him or herself but thought/hoped no one else noticed. It helped that we all knew each other really well, many of us going from pre-school through graduation together.

I had a lot of things about myself that probably would have led to me being bullied (and did occasionally lead to me being made fun of to some degree), if I wasn't quite so good at sensing weaknesses. If I weren't a girl, I probably would have gotten punched a lot for my sharp tongue.

Overall, I think the only reliable defense against bullying is a culture that definitively shows it is just Not Acceptible.

[Furienna]

Originally Posted by mags

I was sort of the anti-bully among my class, defending those who would otherwise be bullied if I wasn't around.

Cool! There should be more people like you around in the world!

*My 300th post!*

[Mouse]

So you defended the bullied by being a bully yourself, mags? I know you were a kid trying to do the best in a bad situation but forgive me if I don't find your story inspiring.