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  #1  
Old 01 May 2007, 10:46 PM
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JoeBentley JoeBentley is offline
 
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Icon02 Dear God, why didn't you save the school children?

Description: Time to wake up, America

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the school children at...

Virginia Tech 04/16/07
Amish Country, PA
Wisconsin
Columbine High School
Moses Lake , Washington 2/2/96
Bethel , Alaska 2/19/97
Pearl , Mississippi 10/1/97
West Paducah , Kentucky 12/1/97
Stamp, Arkansas 12/15/97
Jonesboro , Arkansas 3/24/98
Edinboro , Pennsylvania 4/24/98
Fayetteville , Tennessee 5/19/98
Springfield , Oregon 5/21/98
Richmond , Virginia 6/15/98
Littleton , Colorado 4/20/99
Taber , Alberta , Canada 5/28/99
Conyers , Georgia 5/20/99
Deming , New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson , Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee , California 3/ 5/01 and
El Cajon , California 3/22/01?

Sincerely,

Concerned Student



Reply:

Dear Concerned Student:

I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,

God
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  #2  
Old 01 May 2007, 10:51 PM
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Chloe Chloe is offline
 
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Then why didn't You save the 28 Ugandans who died when their f*cking church collapsed last year? Got a convenient excuse for that one?
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  #3  
Old 01 May 2007, 10:55 PM
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Artemis Artemis is offline
 
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So much for the omnipotence/omniscience...God's turning into an excuse-ridden, whiny emo kid!
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  #4  
Old 01 May 2007, 11:00 PM
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wanderwoman wanderwoman is offline
 
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Quote:
Why didn't you save the school children at...

...Amish Country, PA...
Interesting they would include that one.

Last I heard God is allowed in Amish Schools. They aren't supported by tax dollars. My understanding is that religion is not taught there, but biblical messages are found throughout the curriculum. Cite

So what do you say to that glurgewriter? Whereever you are?

Darn, glurgewriters never answer!
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  #5  
Old 01 May 2007, 11:29 PM
Invictus
 
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Because of our country's laws, God is not allowed to discriminate based on religious belief. Thus, the righteous suffer alongside the wicked.

Last edited by Invictus; 01 May 2007 at 11:30 PM. Reason: (is the rolly-eye emoticon *always* necessary?)
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  #6  
Old 01 May 2007, 11:54 PM
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JoeBentley JoeBentley is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe View Post
Then why didn't You save the 28 Ugandans who died when their f*cking church collapsed last year? Got a convenient excuse for that one?
Handy dandy cop-out I've learned from pCms, Glurge Writers, and other various religious yahoos.

When God does something you want him to do it's a sign of his infinite love for us, his divine plan, or proof of his existence.

When God does something you don't want him to do either he's "moving in mysterious ways" or testing you.

As George Carlin said it's a pretty nice state of mind, if you can talk yourself into it.
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  #7  
Old 01 May 2007, 11:57 PM
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Cervus Cervus is online now
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeBentley View Post
Reply:

Dear Concerned Student:

I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,

God
So instead of being omnipotent and all-powerful, God has to submit to our rules now? Sweet!
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  #8  
Old 01 May 2007, 11:58 PM
Doug4.7
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe View Post
Then why didn't You save the 28 Ugandans who died when their f*cking church collapsed last year? Got a convenient excuse for that one?
Oh, yea, that one. Well, I was on break....

-God
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  #9  
Old 02 May 2007, 12:00 AM
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JoeBentley JoeBentley is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cervus View Post
So instead of being omnipotent and all-powerful, God has to submit to our rules now? Sweet!
Cool! Let's make him do tricks!
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  #10  
Old 02 May 2007, 12:00 AM
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inkrose115 inkrose115 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cervus View Post
So instead of being omnipotent and all-powerful, God has to submit to our rules now? Sweet!
He doesn't have to. It's just, the pCms would rather believe that God is a big poopy pants rather than God doesn't exist/or does not control every action on earth down to the smallest detail.
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  #11  
Old 02 May 2007, 12:01 AM
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Eddylizard Eddylizard is offline
 
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GRAHAM
I don't believe in God.

LECKTOR
You should, Will. God's terrific!
(beat)
He dropped a church roof on thirty-
four of His worshippers in Texas last
Wednesday night. Just as they were
grovelling to Him and singing a hymn.
Don't you think that felt good?
(beat)
He wouldn't begrudge you two measly
murders.

GRAHAM
Why does it feel good?

LECKTOR
It feels good because: if you do as
God does, enough times, you become
as God is: powerful...

LECKTOR
(fading)
God's a champ! He got a hundred and
sixty Philippines in one plane crash
two months ago... Remember the big
earthquake in Italy last spring...?

Last edited by Eddylizard; 02 May 2007 at 12:07 AM.
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  #12  
Old 02 May 2007, 12:26 AM
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Mouse

Dear Glurge Writer,

Thanks for making me look like an unconcerned jackass! As if all those Army of God idiots weren't bad enough, now I've got you to deal with. Now hold still while I strap this lightening rod to your head.

Signed,
God
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  #13  
Old 02 May 2007, 12:52 AM
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TwoGuyswithaHat TwoGuyswithaHat is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeBentley View Post
Cool! Let's make him do tricks!
He's a puppy!

I just hope God's house broken.
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  #14  
Old 02 May 2007, 12:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TwoGuyswithaHat View Post
He's a puppy!

I just hope God's house broken.
That explains the mysterious brown pile of steaming doggie poo in the shape of the Virgin Mary's face, which has just appeared on my carpet accomponied by shinning light and the sound of harps.
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  #15  
Old 02 May 2007, 02:55 AM
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Canuckistan Canuckistan is offline
 
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Icon02

Dear God:

Why do you let glurge writers cheapen you with stuff like the steaming pile of yak sh*t in the OP?

Canuck

-------------

Dear Canuck:

Eh, I can't be bothered to worry about the little people. And by little, I mean of mind.

God
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  #16  
Old 02 May 2007, 03:06 AM
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JoeBentley JoeBentley is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artemis View Post
So much for the omnipotence/omniscience...God's turning into an excuse-ridden, whiny emo kid!
You know I'm sure my militant atheism is going to taint this as biased, but one thing that has always bothered about a lot of mainstream religions beliefs is how needy a lot of people seem to think God is. For an all powerful, omnipotent, omnipresent being he sure as hell seems to need all of us piddling little sub-beings constantly telling him how great he is all the time. The Judeo-Christian in particular seems rather codependent.

As I mentioned in a previous isn't the common version of how God and mankind supposed to relate to each other akin to one of us rehydrating a batch of Sea Monkeys and them demanding they all take time out of their days to tell us how much they like our haircut?
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  #17  
Old 02 May 2007, 03:24 AM
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Mad Jay Mad Jay is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JoeBentley View Post
Dear Concerned Student:

I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,

God
Cool!!! Orgy time at school!!! Who's up for some sodomy?
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  #18  
Old 02 May 2007, 05:31 AM
songs78
 
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Reply:

Dear Concerned Student:

I am not allowed in schools because I was packing an AK and wasn't allowed on campus because it was a gun free zone.

Sincerely,

God
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  #19  
Old 02 May 2007, 05:42 AM
Woapalanne
 
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Dear Student:

Why didn't I save the school children at these schools? Let's see...

Virginia Tech 04/16/07 Not children, those are adults. Deal.
Amish Country, PA They don't watch Jerry Fallwell.
Wisconsin There's one school in Wisconsin? Or one city? Be specific.
Columbine High School I was busy smoking a reefer. My bad.
Moses Lake , Washington 2/2/96 Blame Moses.
Bethel , Alaska 2/19/97 Alaska is too cold.
Pearl , Mississippi 10/1/97 Mississippi is too humid.
West Paducah , Kentucky 12/1/97 Kentucky is too fried.
Stamp, Arkansas 12/15/97 The town is named Stamp. They suck.
Jonesboro , Arkansas 3/24/98 I saved them all, the deaths are a government conspiracy.
Edinboro , Pennsylvania 4/24/98 Because they failed at spelling Edinburgh.
Fayetteville , Tennessee 5/19/98 I was chilling with some hos. My bad.
Springfield , Oregon 5/21/98 My family died of dysentery on Oregon Trail.
Richmond , Virginia 6/15/98 Too close to DC.
Littleton , Colorado 4/20/99 I got Rocky Mountain High. My bad.
Taber , Alberta , Canada 5/28/99 Ew, Canada!
Conyers , Georgia 5/20/99 I was distracted by peaches
Deming , New Mexico 11/19/99 Ew, Mexico. Wait...
Fort Gibson , Oklahoma 12/6/99 Oklahoma is just boring.
Santee , California 3/ 5/01 Hippies, the lot of em.
El Cajon , California 3/22/01 Them, too. Hippies everywhere!

I hope I've answered your questions. Please make sure to send me $10 next time if you want me to spare you from the drunk driver that'll be on your street this Thursday at 3:12pm in a red convertible.


Sincerely,

God
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  #20  
Old 02 May 2007, 08:53 AM
MattPHS2002 MattPHS2002 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Woapalanne View Post
Dear Student:
*snip*
Edinboro , Pennsylvania 4/24/98 Because they failed at spelling Edinburgh.
/snip
This one was a teacher that was killed not a student. I went to the university there and this incident put sleepy little Edinboro in the national spotlight. It was also used in a few of my criminal justice classes as a discussion topic for various things.

Glurge -10
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