Bullying

[pinqy]

Originally Posted by Dasla

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/n...-1226205791442

Ok this has been all over the news in Australian in the last few days. In case the link doesn't work for you, basically a boy was boy was being bullied and finally fought back and is now dead.

That's not in the article you linked to. There's no mention of bullying.

It still early days yet so we may not be getting the full story about who was the bully. But it does go to prove that fighting back not be the solution.

It does no such thing. One case where someone dies does not mean that fighting back is never a good idea. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to any social problem.

[Dasla]

Sorry there was meant to be an always in my sentence.

I will also add the in my first high school (grades 8-10) I was bullied (the girl type) and let me tell you the teachers knew but seemed to be at a lose what to do about it.

Boys did join in too. In grade 9 and 10 I was in a different class to the main boy bully. I still got a bit but it wasn't as bad. I had an okay group of friends (they didn't tell us but the form class selection was based on acedemic ability) One day towards the end of the year I passed the main boy bully in the school grounds and we passed the time of day, nothing major but he treated my like a human. Nothing to remember over 25 years later except when we came back for the new year it was announced at school assemble that he had died of cancer of the break (the period from diagnosis to his death was extremely quick)

Let me tell you it was like a physical blow. Partially it was that I had never known someone my age that had die but it was more then that.

After grade 10 I moved towns and therefore schools. The bullying was still there but I had a good group of friends and that helped. and some of my friends had it worse. Actually to be honest I didn't get bullied at all but I felt for my friends

I read "Queen Bees and Wannabes" by Rosealind Wisemen. Wisemen is correct in that it is never as bad as it is in the early teens but it does set us up for how we treat others for the rest of our lives. And how we look at ourselves.

It was only really bad for year 8 but it has effected they way I relate to other people since, especially at high school.

I am not sure what my point is here but just wanted to share my experience. It also means I have no illusions about high school being "the best years of your life" ( University was that )

[Buckle Up]

Originally Posted by pinqy

That's not in the article you linked to. There's no mention of bullying.

From the article:

NSW Premier Barry O'Farrell said the death of the student highlighted the problem of bullying in schools. "I'm concerned from what I've read about allegations of bullying," he said in Sydney today.

[Dasla]

Thanks Buckle up, I was thinking I had linked the wrong article or hadn't got the hang of this linking thing.

[thorny locust]

Originally Posted by flightsuit

I was bullied as a child, and it was horrible, but... scars that never heal?

Please.

To suggest that people can't move on and heal from being abused is to dis-empower victims of abuse.

Some people heal better than others.

To continue the analogy to physical injuries: Scar tissue may never be as strong or functional as an area that's never been injured. This isn't true in all cases; but it is true in some cases.

One difference between such injuries and physical ones is that, in some cases, the injured person heals in such a fashion as to be stronger and more functional than they would have been if not injured. It's possible for bullied persons to wind up with more compassion for others, and more strength to reach out to others. It's possible for the socially clueless to wind up with a better understanding of social situations that they had to figure out from the outside over years, than those have who fit into those situations easily and instinctively from early childhood. But that isn't what always happens.

To suggest that it's impossible for anyone to recover well from bullying, or other abuse, is not only disempowering, but false. But to insist that everyone recovers well is, I think, not helpful either. To go back to the physical analogy: if you've got limited movement in your arm because of an old wound, there are ways to cope with that; but it's harder, not easier, to cope with it if others, or you yourself, keep insisting that the arm works like one that's never been injured.

[pinqy]

Originally Posted by pinqy

That's not in the article you linked to. There's no mention of bullying.

Originally Posted by Buckle Up

From the article:

Ok, missed that part, but it's puzzling because it doesn't fit with the rest of the article. Where is Mr. O'Farrell getting the idea that bullying had anything to do with it? The rest of the article doesn't mention any allegations of bullying.

[dewey]

I understand that it is horrible to be bullied. I was the classic type who could have been bullied. Wore glasses as a kid, overweight, know-it-all nerdy. And yet despite some general bullying from the real bullies I didn't particularly suffer much. I think it was because I always made friends and had kids to hang out with. Sometimes it was with other nerds and sometimes it was with kids who turned into bullies. I wasn't especially popular but I genuinely liked having friends and always had them.

My point is that this is an area where parents and teachers can help. It is hard to eliminate bullying but social skills and groups can be encouraged. Parents can make their home a place where other kids like to come play. They can encourage their kids to attend social activities and form support groups, even at a young age. I realise that this is easier said than done but I do think it is a direction that can reduce bullying.

dewey

[NobodyAtAll]

In our school we have found teaching the majority (who are neither bullied nor bulliers) a form of 'all that is needed for evil to suceed is for good people to stand by and do nothing' through plain talk, role play, etc. has been very effective. Of course, you have to get all teachers on board and serious about it.

We have lots of sticking up for other kids and open conversation about acceptance and all. We have a preK to 8th grade. I have an 8th grade homerooom and teach 6, 7,and 8. We decided to make this a goal about 3 years ago, and our troubles have really decreased, and the kids even remark on what a happy school we are.

[DevilBunny]

Originally Posted by dewey

My point is that this is an area where parents and teachers can help. It is hard to eliminate bullying but social skills and groups can be encouraged. Parents can make their home a place where other kids like to come play. They can encourage their kids to attend social activities and form support groups, even at a young age. I realise that this is easier said than done but I do think it is a direction that can reduce bullying.

My parents made my home a place where other kids liked to come play. They'd come round and use the facilities, maybe even let me join in a bit, then drop me and go off somewhere else with their actual friends. And I'd let them, because I was so desperate to get on their good side. It sucked.

Part of my problem was that I was learning socialisation different to the way my peers were. My parents treated me as an adult more then a child, and the people I liked to interact with were also adults. And the thing is, adult interaction is completely different from child or teenage interaction, and I had no idea of the rules for what they were doing. I was ahead of my peers in some ways, behind them in other ways, and on the whole just different. And if you're fat and clever and English in a Scottish school as well; that did not go so well for me.

That doesn't mean I was badly socialised. In fact, by the end of high school I was the confidant of everyone in my class, to the extent that my final high school report actually praises me for my ability to keep everyone on an even emotional keel. In the long term, I think that learning the adult social rules straight off has given me a major advantage. But in the short term, well, ouch.

I don't for the life of me understand why we as a society insist that children learn social skills by interacting with other people without any social skills, and figuring it out by trial and (mostly) error. There is nothing children can learn from their peers that they couldn't learn from adults better. We don't insist that they learn physics on their own from scratch; why the disconnect around social skills?

[NobodyAtAll]

U

Originally Posted by DevilBunny

I don't for the life of me understand why we as a society insist that children learn social skills by interacting with other people without any social skills, and figuring it out by trial and (mostly) error. There is nothing children can learn from their peers that they couldn't learn from adults better. We don't insist that they learn physics on their own from scratch; why the disconnect around social skills?

I totally agree, DevilBunny. Maybe it's because childhood social skills, and teenage society are really fairly new concepts in human history.