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  #1  
Old 17 August 2011, 12:20 PM
Magdalene Magdalene is offline
 
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Default Bible Usage

This showed up on a friend's Facebook page this morning.

Quote:
W A R N I N G Bible usage can be habit forming. Regular reading can cause loss of ANXIETY and FEAR; decreased appetite for LYING, CHEATING, STEALING, HATING, ANGER and ENVY. Symptoms include: Increased sensation of LOVE, JOY, PEACE, COMPASSION, and CONTENTMENT. If symptoms persist, just PRAISE GOD! Side effects are forgiveness, grace, and love. Copy and re-post if you don't mind the side effects of the WORD
She's quite proud of living in 'The Bible Belt'. I'm half tempted to ask if she doesn't have to lock her doors, and what about her tirade about the idiot driver who cut her off in traffic the other day, and how about all those conservative Christian anti-gay politicians who've been getting busted in gay affairs.....

Magdalene
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  #2  
Old 17 August 2011, 12:36 PM
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Quote:
decreased appetite for LYING, CHEATING, STEALING, HATING, ANGER and ENVY.
But not GRATUITOUS CAPITAL LETTERS.
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  #3  
Old 17 August 2011, 01:12 PM
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Blow Your Top

Quote:
Symptoms include: Increased sensation of LOVE, JOY, PEACE, COMPASSION, and CONTENTMENT.
I hear Ecstasy does the same thing. Plus, it's cheaper per hit and does less brain damage.

ETA:

Quote:
Copy and re-post if you don't mind the side effects of the WORD
Haven't you heard?
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  #4  
Old 17 August 2011, 01:23 PM
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Thanks for that ear worm. As if the song is enough, you had to give me the visual as well. Now people will be wondering why I am bouncing side to side in my chair all day.
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  #5  
Old 17 August 2011, 03:56 PM
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I used a bible to prop up some furniture that had a broken leg.

That furniture also never did experience anxiety or fear or any of those other things, so, obviously, glurge is true!

NO arguing with science, people.
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  #6  
Old 17 August 2011, 04:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnglRdr View Post
I used a bible to prop up some furniture that had a broken leg.

That furniture also never did experience anxiety or fear or any of those other things, so, obviously, glurge is true!

NO arguing with science, people.
Science! with two Z's!!

It must be true!
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  #7  
Old 19 August 2011, 05:47 PM
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Frying Pan

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnglRdr View Post
I used a bible to prop up some furniture that had a broken leg.

That furniture also never did experience anxiety or fear or any of those other things, so, obviously, glurge is true!

NO arguing with science, people.

Spanked by AnglRdr!

Would it be sacrilegious to suggest using a bible as a booster seat for toddlers?
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  #8  
Old 19 August 2011, 05:49 PM
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And we all know what else those nice, thin bible pages can be used for
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  #9  
Old 19 August 2011, 06:09 PM
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Something like this?
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  #10  
Old 19 August 2011, 06:14 PM
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That was like, the sloppiest-rolled spliff ever
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  #11  
Old 20 August 2011, 04:55 AM
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But the Bible is full of fun stories. I think there's one in there where King David dances in the street and his tunic flies up and he doesn't wear undies and his wife starts laughing. (Not sure, they didn't teach us this one in Sunday School.)

Also I got pets' names out of the Bible. Such as Azazel.
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  #12  
Old 20 August 2011, 05:06 AM
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Quote:
Increased sensation of LOVE, JOY, PEACE, COMPASSION, and CONTENTMENT.
That sounds like a song from Hair.
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  #13  
Old 20 August 2011, 07:17 AM
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Fright

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Originally Posted by boogers View Post
But the Bible is full of fun stories. I think there's one in there where King David dances in the street and his tunic flies up and he doesn't wear undies and his wife starts laughing. (Not sure, they didn't teach us this one in Sunday School.)
The "find me 100 foreskins" is my favourite.
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  #14  
Old 02 September 2011, 08:03 AM
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Funny, reading the Bible had the opposite effect on me. The Old Testament made me sick. The New Testament is better, but after the Gospels it's mostly a bunch of old men saying that women are inferior to men, gay sex is baaad, HELLFIRE, and debating over circumcision.
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  #15  
Old 06 September 2011, 05:58 AM
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But even the OT has good safety advice. Once I was on a hike on a very narrow trail on the side of a cliff and I was afraid of falling. Then I remembered the story of Balaam. So I sat down, gave myself a push, and rode my a$$ down that trail.

Fortunately for the other hikers, mine didn't speak.

Yeah, I'll get it:
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  #16  
Old 10 September 2011, 10:27 AM
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Quote:
Symptoms include: Increased sensation of LOVE, JOY, PEACE, COMPASSION, and CONTENTMENT. If symptoms persist, just PRAISE GOD! Side effects are forgiveness, grace, and love.


I did have an increased sensation after reading this glurge but it was not one of love, joy, etc. It was one of wanting to run to the bathroom and lose my lunch.
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  #17  
Old 10 September 2011, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael View Post
The Old Testament made me sick. The New Testament is better.
Count to ten, Rivkah....
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  #18  
Old 10 September 2011, 12:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RivkahChaya View Post
Count to ten, Rivkah....
Why does that bother you so much? It makes a lot of sense for someone who is ostensibly Christian, if merely only culturally so, to like the New Testament better than the Old.
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  #19  
Old 10 September 2011, 01:51 PM
Magdalene Magdalene is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnglRdr View Post
Why does that bother you so much? It makes a lot of sense for someone who is ostensibly Christian, if merely only culturally so, to like the New Testament better than the Old.
Not to mention Rachael's statement is being taken out of context. While she says "The New Testament is better", she follows it up with a 'but' which indicates that while she thinks it's better, it's not by much. (Rather a bit of damning with faint praise, really.)

Magdalene
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  #20  
Old 11 September 2011, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RivkahChaya View Post
Count to ten, Rivkah....
Oh, yeah, I realize there's problematic stuff in the NT, too. It's not quite so gruesome as the OT, though. And I do think the Bible has some truth and wisdom in it. I just don't see a literal interpretation, or blind acceptance, as a good idea.
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