I Am Canadian!

[snopes]

My name is Norm and I AM CANADIAN.

I am a minority in Vancouver, Toronto and every casino in this country.

I was born in 1958, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE
BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND in the 1700's.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat
belt.

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These
same people cannot name this country's new territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have a
pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice
six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still
provides my nation's prime ministers.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure
none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave
me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest
of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize
the English language.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire"
painting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even
though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I
actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than
the Americans."

I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because I
control the rain.

My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't
know either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military
buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing
terrorists.

I am not an angry white male.

I am an angry taxpayer who is ****ing broke.

My name is Norm, and I AM CANADIAN.

My name is Norm and I AM CANADIAN.

When I see this, I can't help but picture a pause going right after he says his name in order for everyone to say "Hi, Norm" before he goes on to admit that he is Canadian.

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I'm really not familiar with Canadian taxes; is the 60%-plus tax bracket a common one, or is it for mostly those with the highest earnings?

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannot name this country's new territory.

Wait, you mean Canada isn't part of the US? All these years I'd thought it was a state.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I don't see how that's a bad thing at all. I would be ecstatic if my nation's worst international conflicts had to do with fish. Is this guy implying it's somehow better to have the plethora of international problems that the US has?

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I know this sounds dumb, but the term "African Canadian" just sounds so weird to me. I'm sure it's because I'm constantly hearing the term "African American," so it throws me off to hear that "Canadian" part.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

At least your beer isn't watered down like the stuff we have here in Utah (I don't think it is at least--if it is then I retract my statement).

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

Well then you should have been smart like us and written yourself a Second Amendment! Without that we would constantly be squabbling about the right to bear arms here in the US.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire"
painting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even
though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.

Still better than spending umpteen-billion dollars on invading another country when...ah, I don't even want to get into it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans."

Your good attitude and optimism will take you far in life.

My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't
know either of them.

Yes, and damn the man because he's stopped you every time you tried to learn them.

[snopes]

I'm really not familiar with Canadian taxes; is the 60%-plus tax bracket a common one, or is it for mostly those with the highest earnings?

Neither. The problem is that all Canadians are paid bi-annually.

- snopes

[Jenn]

Originally Posted by Class Bravo

I'm really not familiar with Canadian taxes; is the 60%-plus tax bracket a common one, or is it for mostly those with the highest earnings?

Here are the federal income tax brackets according to my 2006 tax forms (which I really ought to be filling out):

$0 to $36,378: 15.25%
$36,389 to $72,756: 22%
$72,757 to $118,285: 26%
$118,286+: 29%

There are also provincial income taxes. In Alberta it's 10%.

[UEL]

So many stereotypes, so little time.

Buddy needs at Tim's, and a good lesson in Canadian history that goes beyond the taproom with his beer buddies.

More to follow...

[Don Enrico]

Just a few:

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

So what? Do you want the gouvernment to restrict smoking and skydiving?

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

... which are used to pave your street, provide emergency services, build schools and pay teachers (so people learn about the National Anthem and the new territory), pay policemen and -women, and so on.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides my nation's prime ministers.

And that's because a majority voted for him, isn't it? Apart from that, Quebéc voted against seperation several times.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

If you owned a rifle since you were 14, you should know what happend to it!

Don Enrico

[queen of the caramels]

Originally Posted by snopes

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still
provides my nation's prime ministers.

Ou est Mon Harper? Il va a Ottawa.

Originally Posted by snopes

I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest
of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize
the English language.

Okay while some English school boards are amalagmating, many others are flourishing. Our local English school is one of the bast in the area.

Originally Posted by snopes

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military
buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing
terrorists.

And draft dodgers too.

[Eddylizard]

Our local English school is one of the bast in the area.

..........

I am an angry taxpayer who is ****ing broke.

I bet he ****ing isn't. The problem with these type of people is they complain they are broke when they can't afford the latest HDTV or holiday. He has a computer he has access to the Internet that doesn't sound like your average down at heel living on tins of beans heated over a candle type of broke to me.

[Izzy Quigley]

Sounds like Norm hit the alcohol with the 200% tax pretty hard before writing this.

[Canuckistan]

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

This is one of those "statistics" that really gets under my skin. It's calculated here by the Fraser Institute, a right-wing think tank that seems to think that any government intervention is too much. (Incidentally, last year's "freedom day" in Canada was mid-June, not mid-July)

These "freedom days" don't take into account what you get for your taxes -- roads, schools, hospitals and any other service this person takes for granted. Try paying for those things out-of-pocket.

Here's one criticism of the concept of Tax Freedom Day. (Warning: it's a PDF file.)

ETA: an HTML editorial from the same people.

[Ieuan ab Arthur]

Hi All:

Originally Posted by snopes

I am not an angry white male.

I am an angry taxpayer who is ****ing broke.

My name is Norm, and I AM CANADIAN.

Uncle Norm, is that you?

Unfortunately, there are still those around that seem to believe that all their problems are caused by immigrants who get $100,000 homes, Quebec, and high taxes. Pointing out (as some have already done) that their perceptions are not true just doesn't seem to make one bit of difference. You've got to admire people who don't let facts get in the way of a good, ignorant rant.

On second thought, no you don't :o

By the by, I think this one's been around for a few years. It's a take-off on Molson's "I am Canadian" campaign. Further, the references to a "new" Nunavut, the "Voice of Fire" painting, and the gun registry suggests that the core of this cr@p has been around since the 1990s.

At least it's recycled garbage

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "I'm not his kind of Canadian" ab Arthur

[KathyB]

Here is the Molson commercial I am JOe and I am Canadian

The earliest version of the diatribe I found was posted to the calgary.general newsgroup in July, 2000. There are some differences--who is "Jeff from Toronto"?.

I am a minority in Vancouver, Banff, and every casino in this country.

I was born in 1972, yet I am responsible for some Native's great great
grandfather who screwed himself out of his land in the 1800's.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant.

These same people cannot name this country's new Territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft Dinner and don't have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that I've helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled Chinese refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec
still provides my nation's Prime Ministers.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that same tax on gasoline is also fair.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

I DO know Jeff from Toronto.

I often badmouth the United States, and then vacation there three times a year.

I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who makes $30 an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying $10 an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an oil rig is fair.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 stripes (The Voice of Fire) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even though 99% of this country didn't want it, or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans"

It must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry, because I control the rain.

My National Anthem has versions in both official languages, and I don't know either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing boat people.

I am not an angry white male. I am an angry broke taxpayer.

My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.

[Canuckistan]

Originally Posted by KathyB

There are some differences--who is "Jeff from Toronto"?.

Jeff's bad news. Love 'em and leave 'em type. Oh, sure, he'll buy you flowers the day after your torrid affair begins, but he forgets about you within a week, having found his next fling-du-jour.

Jeff's got quite the reputation around these parts. I suggest you stay clear. Your heart will thank you later.

[queen of the caramels]

Originally Posted by queen of the caramels

Okay while some English school boards are amalagmating, many others are flourishing. Our local English school is one of the bast in the area.

Originally Posted by Eddylizard

..........

Okay, But I was a product of the British Comprehensive system. You can't expect me to speel can you.

Okay, I have to take this on, as a good left-of-centre Canadian.

Originally Posted by snopes

My name is Norm and I AM CANADIAN.

I am a minority in Vancouver, Toronto and every casino in this country.

Depends on how you define "minority" and how he defines himself. If he means "people called Norm", definitely. If he means white males, that would still be the largest single group when "race" (whatever that means) and sex are used as defining characteristics (or it might be second, there might be more white women than white men). If he means white, there are more whites than any other single ethnic group in both Vancouver and Toronto. However, he may be in a minority in those cities in the sense that whites make up less than 50% of the population. I'm not sure of the exact figures. However, it's probably worth noting that white males make up a majority in Parliament. As for casinos, WTF? Who cares?

I was born in 1958, yet I am responsible for some FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE BEING SCREWED OUT OF THEIR LAND in the 1700's.

No, he's not. And nobody is saying he is. However, the Crown (which certainly did the screwing) is being asked to make some restitution.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I don't know what he's talking about here. He may be referring to the Auto Pact but I really don't know.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

Yeah, but is he allowed to skydive without a parachute? Or at least, without one that has been approved by the Canadian Standards Association or something similar? Point is, he's expected to make himself safe, just like in a car. As for smoking, I'd certainly prefer to see it outlawed, so he may have a point there...

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

Not true, as pointed out previously.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant. These same people cannot name this country's new territory.

I can't speak for his cow-orkers, but most of my friends know Nunavut's name. And international survey after international survey shows that, when it comes to the world outside their own country's borders, Canadians consistently do better than Americans.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft dinner and don't have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice
six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.

I live in Vancouver, and I've never heard of "six figure homes" (there aren't any homes available here for under six figures!) being purchased for refugees. Many of them are housed at the North Fraser Pretrial Centre, which my line of work has taken me to on occasion. It's not a nice place (although, to be fair, it did cost well over six figures...)

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provide my nation's prime ministers.

Uh, the current one is from Alberta...

The overrepresentation of Quebec in Parliament, combined with its tendency to vote fairly monolithically, does give it disproportionate weight in national politics. However, "they" do not "constantly" try to separate (2 referenda in the last 21 years, both defeated - although just barely last time - and no separatist party in power provincially since April 2003).

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

This is a good thing. Better fish than oil or water.

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure
none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I don't. I don't think anyone is "supposed" to call anyone anything. Some black people may asked to be called "African Canadians" but none that I've met. Most prefer being called by their names.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.

I don't know the exact figure, but I doubt it's 200% in either case.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

Not true. If he has no idea what happened to it, he presumably does not have it in his possession. He therefore has no obligations. If he has it and does not register it, he can be ticketed. He will, however, be no more a criminal than someone who drives 110 in a 100 km/h zone.

I believe spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the English language.

I'd love to see the cite for "$15 billion to promote the French language". I doubt it's even a tenth of that.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 Stripes ("The Voice of Fire"
painting in Ottawa) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even
though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.

See, this is where he loses all credibility. Voice of Fire was $1.8 million when the National Gallery of Canada (get the names right, at least!) bought it. Since then, it has appreciated considerably, so it was a good investment.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans."

Again with the exaggerations. As noted above, the highest marginal tax rate is about 45% with provincial income tax included, and that only applies on that part of his income over about $130K. And if he doesn't like it, perhaps he could look at what some Americans have to pay each month for health insurance that, in many cases, is inferior to what his taxes pay for.

I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry because I control the rain.

No, it's because we value the independent farmer and want to keep them going. They pay taxes, too. Besides, many of them have marketing boards that prevent them from selling their produce on the open market, so that prices are kept fairly steady. One of the consequences of that is that it's harder for farmers to save up against a rainy day, in the good years.

My national anthem has versions in both official languages and I don't
know either of them.

Can't be much of a hockey fan, then.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists.

"Highest taxed nation in North America", yes - out of three! Compared to the rest of the world, we do okay.

I am not an angry white male.

I am an angry taxpayer who is ****ing broke.

My name is Norm, and I AM CANADIAN.

If he's a taxpayer, it's unlikely that he's broke, unless it's through misfortune or his own mismanagement of his funds. Perhaps it's all those casinos he goes to?

[Not_Done_Living]

Canadian refugee claimants are not financially audited before being placed on Welfare, and receiving a $2300 stipend per month per person for thier first year here.

My SO is an immigration lawyer here in Toronto, and has seen many cases where families of undocumented immigrants arrive with fake passports and are treated like royalty by the Canadian Govt
(family of 4 getting 10k per month tax free.... that's nice..) They get this stipend until their claim is processed and accepted or denied (at which point they just get deported).

Of course, some of these people are the same doctors lawyers and physicists that are now belittled into becoming taxi drivers (and then complain that their skills are not recognised here).

If a Canadian resident were to be caught using a fake passport, its jail.
She gets quite frustrated with the entire process as it seems completely unfair all the way around.. usually the people who are the shadiest have no problems getting landed status (as they have resources to get all the "documentation" they require, while the honest to goodness refugees who don't have the resources get shafted because they have nothing...

One person whom she represented on a refugee case actually went back "home' for vacation during the proceedings, and still got his landed status..

[Ieuan ab Arthur]

Originally Posted by Not_Done_Living

My SO is an immigration lawyer here in Toronto, and has seen many cases where families of undocumented immigrants arrive with fake passports and are treated like royalty by the Canadian Govt (family of 4 getting 10k per month tax free.... that's nice..)

Immigrants can receive $120,000 year tax free for being immigrants? I'm afraid that I find this figure a little difficult to accept. Could you please provide a cite?

Thanks.

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan ab Arthur

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

Yeah, I know.
We had the same problem in France : link

[Keket]

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

Am I the only one that sees this as a positive? You know, we haven't got any major international conflicts, just fish. Obviously this was written before the Afghanistan mission though...