Baby chokes on ejaculation

[snopes]

Comment: I am a psychologist. I was doubly horrified to hear from a client
that a "moral education" teacher at her child's high school related a
story about a man who was showering with his baby when the phone rang.
When he sat down to talk, the baby started nursing his penis. When he
ejaculated, the baby choked to death.

This -sounds- like an urban myth and I sincerely hope that you can confirm
that it is.

[Not_Done_Living]

Comment: I am a psychologist. I was doubly horrified to hear from a client
that a "moral education" teacher at her child's high school related a
story about a man who was showering with his baby when the phone rang.
When he sat down to talk, the baby started nursing his penis. When he
ejaculated, the baby choked to death.


Let's see..

this guy was
1) alone with his child (an infant if it was young enough to nurse)
2) busy in the shower with this infant, yet stopped to answer a phone call (presumably in the bathroom)
3) he sat down and the infant was positioned in such a way that it could "nurse" on his penis
4) He didn't stop or prevent this in any manner
5) He came while ON THE PHONE?

this doesn't stuke you as an extremely unlikely situaton?

[Bassist]

To say nothing about the fact that it was discussed in vivid detail at the high school level? Exactly what message were they trying to teach?

I would personally buy showering with a young infant, but - like Not_Done_Living pointed out - not the rest of this story. I also count it as urban legend.

[snopes]

Excuse my ignorance, but how does one shower with an infant? You can't really leave a baby to crawl around on the shower floor while the water is running (I assume), and having to hold it in your arms the whole time sounds like a rather severe encumbrance to the process of taking a shower.

- snopes

[tribrats]

Originally Posted by snopes

Excuse my ignorance, but how does one shower with an infant? You can't really leave a baby to crawl around on the shower floor while the water is running (I assume), and having to hold it in your arms the whole time sounds like a rather severe encumbrance to the process of taking a shower.

- snopes

Actually, it's easier than people think. That is how I did with all 3 of my kids. I held them and bathed them (a thin kitchen towel works great for holding the slippery little tyke) then Hubby would take them. While he was drying and dressing them, I would finish my shower. The babies loved it and it made it much easier when trying to rinse them.

[me, no really]

Yep. Showered with both mine. Mostly it was for the baby - not even necessarily to clean them. They both found it very soothing (as long as I was careful and they didn't get a face full of water - that just made them MAD). Normal was to hold them to the chest.

me

[snopes]

Originally Posted by tribrats

Actually, it's easier than people think. That is how I did with all 3 of my kids. I held them and bathed them (a thin kitchen towel works great for holding the slippery little tyke) then Hubby would take them. While he was drying and dressing them, I would finish my shower. The babies loved it and it made it much easier when trying to rinse them.

That sounds efficient, but I presume the OP's description of a man's leaving his shower to answer the phone means his wife/SO was not present in the house to help with the baby (because otherwise she could have answered the phone).

- snopes

Originally Posted by snopes

.....When he sat down to talk, the baby started nursing his penis. When he ejaculated, the baby choked to death.

Here's what I don't get--

Wouldn't the man in this supposed situation have stopped his baby right after it began its, uh, "nursing" -- or are we supposed to believe that he sat there on the phone and allowed his infant to essentially perform oral sex upon him until he reached a climax?

[BamaRainbow]

Regarding Eddylizard's comment about the Burgess novel, I remember a passage in one of Gary Jenning's novels ("The Journeyer") in which a male character puts his "member" into an infant's mouth to which the novel's title character (Marco Polo, by the way) reacts with some disgust.
As to the specifics of the original post, it does seem a bit urban legend-ish. As others have commented, the idea that a man could be showering AND answer the phone AND sit down in such a way that the infant could be nursing "down there" (seriously, how is THAT possible?*) just seems to be pushing the bounds of credibility further than anything out of the National Enquirer.

*If you think about it for just a second, the kid is being held upside down OR daddy's got his legs spread and has put the kid's face in his crotch deliberately. That's not even taking into account that there's a phone in the bathroom and this bathroom is much better furnished than most. My bathroom only has two possible "seats"--the edge of the tub and the toilet. I can't see either being comfortable enough for a person to sit on WITH AN INFANT. It also fails to take into account the fact that the penis is designed to ejaculate only when erect (the few cases of a non-erect penis ejaculating are generally from men who are enormously endowed and can't achieve what's viewed as a "full erection"; anything much above 9" can harden but gravity tends to work against the other visible displays--sticking up or pointing out). If a man's sitting down while holding an infant he might get an erection (very little is needed for a healthy man to get hard and I can see an infant, likely to be squirming and wriggling, create the stimulation) but it's highly unlikely that erection would wind up in the kid's mouth, and we really don't want to think about the alternatives.

I'm a real psychologist. This story is supposedly told by a psychologist as told to her by a client describing what someone told her teenager. If any of the people supposedly re-telling the tale actually exist, what you get is either the fantasy of a sick individual, perhaps who had watched with avid interest the intensity of a baby's suckling & thought of the advantage of no teeth, or the defense used by a pedophile after getting caught. E.g., he just happened to be naked, the child initiated the sexual contact, he was distracted (by the phone) & didn't notice until he climaxed...I have worked with pedophiles who did work up alibis such as this to deny that they had intent beforehand & to make it seem they were innocent victims. Babies do occasionally grab you in what could be interpreted as sexual regions of the body, but they also grab noses, light switches, remote controls, earrings... And any normal person would not be aroused but would re-direct the baby to another toy.
But...
I have heard from many people about being forced to do fellatio, raped in fact, it happened to me once when I was a teen, and there can definitely be a choking sensation if the man in his arousal forces it down the throat (Remember Deep Throat? She didn't gag, but most of us will.)
The baby, if true, would have choked as the man forced his penis further down its throat, not from the ejaculate. The man may not have intended its death. Babies have also been damaged internally from more conventional rapes, vaginal tears or anal fissures.
Sorry to have to tell you this.

[Eddylizard]

It also fails to take into account the fact that the penis is designed to ejaculate only when erect

I can assure you it is possible to ejaculate whilst not erect, indeed whilst fully flaccid. Although I am only one data point, I don't think my plumbing is much different to any other man's, and I'm far from being one of the enormous types.

[NovaSS]

Never mind, it wasnt nice so I deleted it.

[TuFurg]

Originally Posted by E.C. in AB with 3

Babies have also been damaged internally from more conventional rapes, vaginal tears or anal fissures.
Sorry to have to tell you this.

You didn't.

[barbrainey]

This is most likely the sick sexual fantasy of a "dirty-minded" individual. Also, a very ignorant and stupid one!

First of all, like many of you have pointed out, the teller of this story doesn't specify where the telephone is. It's not likely to be in the bathroom. Also, since the man leaves the shower to answer the phone, one has to conclude that no one else is home. And why doesn't he wrap a towel around his lower half? And why doesn't he set the baby down on a sofa or chair also wrapped in a towel? Finally, if someone wanted an infant to fellate him, he would obviously sit down naked or at least bottomless and set the baby in between his legs. And this would be something he would want. But the OP story suggests that it happened spontaneously. That is, the baby initiated the act thinking the penis was a nipple! That's ridiculous, if you ask me!

Barbara R.

[Roadie]

Originally Posted by barbrainey

First of all, like many of you have pointed out, the teller of this story doesn't specify where the telephone is. It's not likely to be in the bathroom.

My master bathroom actually has two phone jacks - one outside the shower/bath, conveniently located below the towel rack so it is invisible when a towel hangs there, and one in the separate toilet room. Yep, in the toilet room.

Notice I said "phone jacks" not "phones" - every once in a while I see them and think, "Why?". I wonder if they even work.

[Floater]

Originally Posted by barbrainey

Also, since the man leaves the shower to answer the phone, one has to conclude that no one else is home. And why doesn't he wrap a towel around his lower half?

If he was alone at home (with the baby of course) why would he bother to wrap a towel around his body?

[geminilee]

So he doesn't drip water all over the floor? I use a towel whenever I get out of the shower even quickly, because otherwise there is a mess to clean up.

[Not_Done_Living]

Originally Posted by Floater

If he was alone at home (with the baby of course) why would he bother to wrap a towel around his body?

DOn't know about other men, but when i get out of the hot shower, i get really cold..and we all know what happens to men when they get cold...........

[Marie19]

First: EW EW EW EW EWWWWWW!

Now that that's out of the way... As others have said, I just don't see the plausibility in this. I know some people shower with their baby, and I can even understand getting out of the shower to answer the phone and not grabbing a towel, if it was an important call you couldn't miss. But why sit the baby in your naked lap (to me, that would just seem plain awkward and gross), and HOW would that baby have to be sitting in order for that to happen?

It just seems way too outlandish. *shivers* Now I need to go throw up or something.

I think it was Niles in Frasier who said "Excuse me, I have to go and gouge out my mind's eye"...ugh.

But as everyone's pointed out the logistics of it are a bit suspect, and it does smack of those look-how-disgusting-I-can-be-ain't-I-the-shiznit Dead Baby jokes told by 15 year olds who aren't getting enough cider.