Terrorism alert satire attributed to John Cleese

[snopes]

Comment: From the BBC - by John Cleese.
ANNOUNCEMENT

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!",
"I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend", and "The barbie is
cancelled."

[FullMetal]

Doesn't even sound like it was written by anyone British. Sounds more American than anything.

[crocoduck_hunter]

Once you hit the part about France it becomes obvious that the author was American.

[Chloe]

You don't even have to get that far: consider the conflation of English and British and the glossing over of the Blitz and of terrorism in Northern Ireland.

[musicgeek]

Apparently it's by one John Humberstone, but after a commenter made a comparison with John Cleese, it stuck, and has been reliably misattributed all over the 'net. Funnily enough, while searching, I found it posted on one forum in which it wasn't misattributed, but a commenter followed it up with "reminds me of a John Cleese essay from a few years back" and went on to quote the "Axis of Just As Evil" bit.

[snopes]

I don't think he's the original author, as the article was posted (without attribution) elsewhere months earlier than your link.

[musicgeek]

Originally Posted by snopes

I don't think he's the original author, as the article was posted (without attribution) elsewhere months earlier than your link.

Ah. Good catch - funny how he let it appear as if it was his own work on his page.

ETA: On revisiting the page, I see he did the same for an Emo Philips line, too!

Based on a date-limited Google search, it looks like this thing was born around November 2005. As far as I can tell, no source using this in 2007 or earlier attempts to attribute this to Cleese, although on this undated page someone named Khorne says that the joke reminds him of a different joke told by Cleese. It also looks like the joke grows to include more countries over time, so it's likely there is no single creator.