Friendship renewed for 2007

[TrishDaDish]

Thank goodness someone emailed me this. I forgot to call up and renew it.

Friendship renewed for 2007

After serious & cautious consideration.....
Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2007!

It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2007

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $200 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.

May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words............

May 2007 be the best year of your life!!!

[nurple]

If someone has to consider seriously and cautiously whether or not they want to continue being my friend for the next year, they can NFBSK off and take their "friendship" with them. Wow, I am certainly crabby lately.

[TrishDaDish]

I like how they still wish thieves to break into your house, so long as they only steal your debts. "Honest, Mr. Visa Card Guy, I was going to mail you that check to pay off my debt, but someone broke into my house and stole your bill and my payment for it!"

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $200 bills.

My friend is expecting me to become a hooker for 2007, I guess.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline

I thought that was a disturbing image. Until I read:

May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.

WTF?! "Smell of success like smoking tires"?! Since when does anyone think of smoking tires when thinking about success? Oh, and I love the "happiness is like getting bitch slapped by an abusive SO" analogy. I may hurl.

[DawnStorm]

I got the same stupid thing in my inbox this morning.

[BlushingBride]

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $200 bills.

Um... do they make $200 bills? Or is your friend hoping you turn into a stupid--er, eccentric counterfeiter?

[One-Fang]

This reminds me of the "worst analogies" writing contest. Results like "skipped across the water in exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't". It's just that kind of left-field stuff.

Like nurple, I'd be highly offended to think you had to consider long and hard about maintaining a friendship with me this year. The line "So try not to screw it up!!!" with - count 'em - THREE exclamation marks doesn't really add to the harmony this is supposed to be generating. So you had to think long and hard about keeping me as a friend and you're warning me with three exclamations that your friendship is entirely dependent on ME not screwing things up? Nice friend. Eff off.

[diddy]

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $200 bills.

And may the Secret Service apprehend you for carrying fake money around.

Darn! Quasi Spanked!