Opposite-sex siblings cannot share a bedroom

[snopes]

Comment: I have heard a rumor that it is illegal for siblings of the
opposite sex to share a bedroom when they are over 5 years old. the rumor
continues that child protective services can take your childrena way for
this. The state referenced is Virginia, but in trying to find the truth
of this on the internet, I have seen the question come up a couple of
times more generically. There is never an answer that provides a legal
source.

[wanderwoman]

I don't think this is specified in legislation in most states, but is rather a judgment call. My understanding is that CPS is going to expect to see a reasonable number of bedrooms for a family if they have to do an investigation, and in general if the children are older they are going to expect them to have separate bedrooms for opposite sex children.

This is particularly true if their reason for getting involved with a family is for sexual abuse, for obvious reasons.

[Jay Temple]

This is also very similar to a rule in Missouri for foster homes. Perhaps someone heard correctly but forgot that detail.

[bjohn13]

Originally Posted by snopes

Comment: I have heard a rumor that it is illegal for siblings of the
opposite sex to share a bedroom when they are over 5 years old. the rumor
continues that child protective services can take your childrena way for
this. The state referenced is Virginia, but in trying to find the truth
of this on the internet, I have seen the question come up a couple of
times more generically. There is never an answer that provides a legal
source.

I originally heard this as part a redneck slur, and assumed it wasn't true.

[bjohn13]

Originally Posted by Jay Temple

This is also very similar to a rule in Missouri for foster homes.

This, I could see.

[MidgardDragon]

My sister and I shared a bedroom when we were both past five. Nothing horrible came of it, there was no inbreeding going on, and I don't think we're an exception to a rule. Can't see why it would be illegal, but I'm just one of them-thar hillbillies, what do I know? :P

My brother and I did share a bedroom till late. And it was by our own decicion. The choice was. Once big bedroom for both of us....or two small.

And there never were any problems. (Aside from the snoring and the sometimes bickering)

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Van_Couver

My brother and I did share a bedroom till late. And it was by our own decicion. The choice was. Once big bedroom for both of us....or two small.

And there never were any problems. (Aside from the snoring and the sometimes bickering)

Originally Posted by MidgardDragon

My sister and I shared a bedroom when we were both past five. Nothing horrible came of it, there was no inbreeding going on, and I don't think we're an exception to a rule. Can't see why it would be illegal, but I'm just one of them-thar hillbillies, what do I know? :P

I suspect Jay is correct:

Originally Posted by Jay Temple

This is also very similar to a rule in Missouri for foster homes. Perhaps someone heard correctly but forgot that detail.

In which case, we are talking about the possibility of biologically unrelated foster children of the opposite sex sharing rooms, which strikes me as a Bad Idea.

I know that in Maryland, apartment complexes would require that you have one bedroom for male children, one for female children and one for parents. I could not rent a one-bedroom apartment with my 2-year-old son, even if it had a den. It had to be a 2-bedroom.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Marci157

I know that in Maryland, apartment complexes would require that you have one bedroom for male children, one for female children and one for parents. I could not rent a one-bedroom apartment with my 2-year-old son, even if it had a den. It had to be a 2-bedroom.

That's company policy, though, not a law.

I vaguely remember that when a friend's son and DIL were trying to get custody of the son's child from a previous relationship, their lawyer strongly encouraged them to move into a two-bedroom, so that they could show the child would have his own room (they had no other children at that time).

[Flagg]

Originally Posted by Marci157

I know that in Maryland, apartment complexes would require that you have one bedroom for male children, one for female children and one for parents. I could not rent a one-bedroom apartment with my 2-year-old son, even if it had a den. It had to be a 2-bedroom.

I didn't have children yet when I got my first apartment in Delaware at age 18, but I remember reading in the lease agreement that siblings of opposite sex could not share a bedroom, and adults and children could not share bedrooms. It also stated that if either of those rules were broken it would be grounds for eviction.

Just as another data point, our kids shared the same room (2 girls, one boy) until the eldest got into jr. high. Then she moved out, leaving DD2 & DS in the same room. DD2 moved into her own room when she started jr. high. Yes, that meant son got his own room "early".

[Christie]

Originally Posted by Doug4.7

Just as another data point, our kids shared the same room (2 girls, one boy) until the eldest got into jr. high. Then she moved out, leaving DD2 & DS in the same room. DD2 moved into her own room when she started jr. high. Yes, that meant son got his own room "early".

Any particular reason why getting their own room wasn't something they were allowed to do until jr. high? I strongly believe in giving kids their own rooms if it is at all possible, I see no virtue in forcing kids to share a room when there are other options available.

Originally Posted by Christie

Any particular reason why getting their own room wasn't something they were allowed to do until jr. high? I strongly believe in giving kids their own rooms if it is at all possible, I see no virtue in forcing kids to share a room when there are other options available.

It just worked out that way. We set up our 3 bedroom house as a parent's bedroom, a kid's bedroom, and a study room. The study room got the computers, bookshelves, stereo, etc. That way, a kid could pull an all-nighter without keeping the others awake. When #1 "moved out", we moved the computers & such to the "sunroom" (which before was the "playroom"). We ended up adding a master suite as #2 was nearing JHS. So she moved out into our old master bedroom when we moved into our new suite. Had we 4 bedrooms to start, we might have still kept them all in the same room through elementary. They seemed to like the company (on stormy nights).

Note that each room had a "walk-in closet" for each to use for changing (and there was always the bathroom).

Note that the idea of a "nursery" for kids is an old one. I thought the whole thing in Peter Pan was Wendy moving out of the nursery when she reached 16 (or was it 14?). Separate rooms is a modern thing.

Heck, my wife slept in the same room as her whole family (1 boy, 3 girls, & 2 adults) because their house had only 2 rooms) until she left for college.

I see nothing "wrong" with sharing rooms.

When we go on trips, we all sleep in the same room and sometimes even sleep in the same bed when we camp.

[Beachlife!]

Originally Posted by Christie

Any particular reason why getting their own room wasn't something they were allowed to do until jr. high? I strongly believe in giving kids their own rooms if it is at all possible, I see no virtue in forcing kids to share a room when there are other options available.

My kids still share a room, entirely by their own choice. Though in my household we pretty much only use our rooms to sleep and change clothes so it's not much of an issue.

[Christie]

Originally Posted by Beachlife!

My kids still share a room, entirely by their own choice. Though in my household we pretty much only use our rooms to sleep and change clothes so it's not much of an issue.

I can see that and if it's their own choice that's great. But not all people only use their bedrooms for changing and sleeping - certainly I didn't as a child (although I pretty much do as an adult) and my kids both appreciate having one place in the house they can go where their privacy is assured. Given that we have a four bedroom house and two kids (boy and girl) it's not an issue or a problem to accomodate their need for personal space and privacy.

[Beachlife!]

Originally Posted by Christie

I can see that and if it's their own choice that's great. But not all people only use their bedrooms for changing and sleeping - certainly I didn't as a child (although I pretty much do as an adult) and my kids both appreciate having one place in the house they can go where their privacy is assured. Given that we have a four bedroom house and two kids (boy and girl) it's not an issue or a problem to accomodate their need for personal space and privacy.

I agree with you here. Though our house is not big, it has enough places where people can go when they want a little solitude. Solitude and privacy are very important to my own mental health. So I can certainly see how this would be important for everyone in the family.

[Hero_Mike]

The "guidelines" for siblings of opposite gender and varying age came up a long time ago in the old forum. The concept of a mixed gender "nursery" may be a quaint throwback to the days of Peter Pan, but it's not the norm anymore.

The guidelines were not actual explicit law, but would be used by child protection agencies, family court (i.e. divorce and custody proceedings), and so on. The guidline was that children over the age of 14 should have their own bedrooms, and that children over 5 should only share bedrooms with siblings of the same gender.

A situation such as Doug describes - where a bedroom was available but not used for children - would be cause for concern, especially when it was used for holding one's "possessions". CPS would not look favourably upon children sharing a bedroom, while the stereo got its own room. Similarly, having a "guest" room (even for a regularly visiting "guest"), or a room for a live-in domestic, would not be a valid reason for denying children their own bedroom. In today's world, the only exception - other than actually not being able to afford a bigger living space - would be if the parents had a home-based business and used a bedroom as an office. While parents may be expected to forego many things to benefit their children (such as having a dedicated "study" or "glorified stereo room"), giving up their livelihood is not likely to be one of them.

It isn't just about the spectre of incestual relationships that creates this attitude, but rather, one of our modern culture and prosperity. People in the 1st world are afforded their own personal space and privacy - wherever possible. Having this privacy and personal space is not so much a sign of affluence, but just the way things are done these days. Though I must admit that it is a sign of status, in a way. Even in areas where space is at a premium (i.e. a submarine), those of highest rank are afforded the largest amount of personal space and privacy. Those of lowest rank must share accomodations, even to the point of not having your own bed.

My father and his three brothers shared a bedroom - and a bed - for their whole lives - ranging in age from 18 to 4. I went to high school with a girl who shared a bedroom with her 3 younger sisters, despite the fact that her parents were both art professors and could easily afford a house with two rooms for each of them - it was a specific point about "communal" living. However in all these cases, and even with my cousins, there was no sharing of bedrooms for children of opposite gender.

I think that the "Peter Pan" era nursery also had much to do with the lack central heating - siblings shared a room because it was easy to heat it with one fireplace.

Originally Posted by Hero_Mike

...The concept of a mixed gender "nursery" may be a quaint throwback to the days of Peter Pan, but it's not the norm anymore....but rather, one of our modern culture and prosperity. People in the 1st world are afforded their own personal space and privacy - wherever possible. Having this privacy and personal space is not so much a sign of affluence, but just the way things are done these days. Though I must admit that it is a sign of status, in a way...

So we give kids their own rooms out of peer pressure..... I like that.

Of course, you are given a "buy" if you are poor. I also like that one.

Lucky for me, CPS has no jurisdiction over us when we camp (other than maybe when we camp in Canada?).

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Hero_Mike

My father and his three brothers shared a bedroom - and a bed - for their whole lives - ranging in age from 18 to 4.

The family house my mother grew up in originally had two bedrooms. Eventually they added a larger kitchen and turned the original kitchen into a very small bedroom for her brother. I'm not sure where he slept before that, or how old the children were when it was built. Mom and her two sisters, however, shared one bed in one bedroom as long as they lived at home.

And her younger sister used to wet the bed.