The Pleasure of Tight Boots

[snopes]

I heard about a preacher/farmer who bought a brand new pair of boots. However, the boots turned out to be a tad too tight. The bootmaker offered to stretch them so they would fit.

"You'll not stretch these boots an inch!", insisted the man. "You see, I start every morning before sunrise checking on some ornery cows that have knocked down a fence or caused some other trouble. Then I go to the office and listen to all of the members complain about this and that. Then I come home to hear my wife tell me what chores I haven't gotten done around the house. When I get ready for bed and I take off those tight boots....Well, some days that's the only pleasure I have!"

What is it that gives you pleasure at the end of the day? Perhaps it's going home to a warm and cozy house. A lazy-boy recliner and TV remote? A comfortable bed? Perhaps it's going home to a loving family, a spouse and children who love you unconditionally. There's nothing like the little arms of your children around your neck to help you know the meaning of pleasure.

[vanilla]

Originally Posted by snopes

There's nothing like the little arms of your children around your neck to help you know the meaning of pleasure.

Ewwww. I don't think that came out the way the author intended it to.

[Dropbear]

So the lesson is that if your preacher is a miserable old grump who has a mild bondage fetish you should be thankful for your family.

OK - a bit of a non-sequitur, but glurge rarely makes sense anyway.

Dropbear

[Ryda Wong, EBfCo.]

Originally Posted by Dropbear

a mild bondage fetish
Dropbear

A mild bondage and sadomasichistic fetish. Hmmm. Perhaps not so mild on the last.

I really thought that's what the OP was going to discuss. Boy, was I shocked to find it was glurge.

[queen of the caramels]

Originally Posted by snopes

There's nothing like the little arms of your children around your neck to help you know the meaning of pleasure.

When they finally let go and you can breathe properly .

[Dropbear]

Originally Posted by queen of the caramels

When they finally let go and you can breathe properly .

There's a very old film of me, as a five year old, hugging my grandmother. My enthusiasm is a bit severe and you can see the panic start to rise in her face as I increase the pressure before being prised off by concerned relatives.

By way of natural justice my five year old now does the same to me.

Dropbear

[MapleLeaf]

I was reading "The Pleasure of Tight Boobs". Boy was I disappointed to see this thread in Glurge and not NFBSK Gone Wild!...

[Dropbear]

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

A mild bondage and sadomasichistic fetish. Hmmm. Perhaps not so mild on the last.

I really thought that's what the OP was going to discuss. Boy, was I shocked to find it was glurge.

It's also a bit creepy to think that some poor schmo goes off to see the preacher to discuss a serious personal problem and all the while the preacher is thinking: I hate this whining so-and-so but golly aren't my boots so tight, so tight-tight-tighty-tight. The way they grip my instep. The way they mold to my calves. I can't wait to take them off tonight. Oooh it will be a relief for my very very naughty feet..

Dropbear

[zabia]

ok, I'll be the one to say it. There is no religious experience like taking off high heels at the end of a day. Well, not so much religious, more organismic.

Right, not helping that this is glurge and not NSBSK.

[Jenn]

Originally Posted by zabia

ok, I'll be the one to say it. There is no religious experience like taking off high heels at the end of a day. Well, not so much religious, more organismic.

I try not to make a habit of wearing uncomfortable shoes (if your shoes hurt, they're the wrong shape for your foot. Comfortable high heels do exist).

That said, the one time I truly experienced the joy of taking off high heels was last August when I was a bridesmaid. I'd only gotten 4 hours sleep the night before the wedding, I'd been awake for about 20 hours straight, and I'd been in the shoes for nearly 12 hours including standing on marble floors for a long Catholic service. Finally, towards the end of the reception, I decided to take my shoes off. My feet weren't hurting from the heels as much as feeling constricted and aching from being on my feet for so long. Big mistake. The relief lasted about 15 seconds, at which point my feet started to cramp very badly from the shock of heels for 14 hours to standing flat footed on a cold floor. I should've stuck it out with the shoes.

[We'veBeenHad]

Originally Posted by Jenn

I try not to make a habit of wearing uncomfortable shoes (if your shoes hurt, they're the wrong shape for your foot. Comfortable high heels do exist).

I think that depends on the shape of your foot! There is no such thing as comfortable high heels for me. Blahniks notwithstanding.

[zabia]

Ohhh, poor Jenn. I feel ya. I generally make it a rule to not wear shoes that hurt. (if fact, it is usually the one time I'm not a total cheapskate. Love the 75% sale at Dillards.) But I started this mantra back when I did wear a lot of cheap heels, and it is amusing so I thought I'd share.
Sorry, rambly.

But where I was in pain for you is that I've been in your situation before, and just when you think the evening is over you slip off your shoes. But then, you feet angry and hurting, you have to put the shoes back on! I just did this when I was wearing a lovely pair of shoes that I have worn for up to 10 hours before, but this time it was 14. I thought I was going to cry thinking about walking the 100 yards to the car. Though, thankfully, I don't usually get the foot cramps the next day and can't walk. I hope that after the wedding you got a good soak and rub.

[Jenn]

Originally Posted by We'veBeenHad

I think that depends on the shape of your foot!

Yes, that's exactly my point. The curve of the shoe must be a good fit to the curve of your foot. For some people that's harder to find.

Without the arch the right length and in the right place it will throw your balance off, causing you to pitch forward (sending pain to the balls of your feet) or backwards (sending pain to the heel). It'll mess up everything from your feel to your shoulders and you'll really be feeling it. I have had 3.25" heels that I've been able to wear for hours and 1.5" heels that have felt like walking on a bed of nails.

Originally Posted by zabia

I hope that after the wedding you got a good soak and rub.

I'm not a soak and rub kind of person. Foot massages actually cause more cramps than they help for me (You want state secrets? Massage my feet and I'll tell you anything you want to hear to make it stop). I just kept off them for the rest of the weekend.

[Salamander]

Originally Posted by Jenn

Finally, towards the end of the reception, I decided to take my shoes off. My feet weren't hurting from the heels as much as feeling constricted and aching from being on my feet for so long. Big mistake.

Yeah, I had a similar experience with a pair of new boots I was wearing.

I'd had them on for hours and was aware that I'd managed to rub up some nice blisters and my feet were just aching all over. I took the opportunity to remove them while we were seated at a table and basked in the sweet relief until it came time to put them back on and I'd realised that my feet had swollen a little.

Not only did I have to battle the blisters and achy bits to get my boots back on... everything hurt ten times as much because it was being pressed even harder into the sides of my boots. I've now learnt my lesson... I never take off uncomfortable shoes (due to my mutant toes, most shoes are uncomfortable until I've worn them enough for them to stretch in the right places) until I know I don't have to put them back on again.

[Tarquin Farquart]

I would have thought that suddenly finding a pair of boots that fitted well would be a better metaphor to use for some glurge.

(That's not an invite BTW! )

[Faith]

I saw this glurge played out as a joke on The Two Ronnies back in about 1979. It was done as a sketch featuring them as the two rustic tramps. Obviously, the mawkish sentiment was not tacked on.

[Eddylizard]

I heard somewhere that a solution for tight boots was to wee in them, and leave them overnight.

Given that urine is a component in some ancient tanning processes, I suppose there could be a grain of truth in it. I've never tried it though.

I suppose sweat could work the same way as it has a similar composition to urine but more dilute.

[Tarquin Farquart]

It also put me in mind of the "boot bits" in Waiting for Godot.

[candy from strangers]

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

A mild bondage and sadomasichistic fetish. Hmmm. Perhaps not so mild on the last.

I really thought that's what the OP was going to discuss. Boy, was I shocked to find it was glurge.

Same here. I saw the title in Active Topics and thought "ooh, what's this then?" and was quite surprised to look right and see "Glurge Gallery"

[Le Chevalier Blanc]

Originally Posted by MapleLeaf

I was reading "The Pleasure of Tight Boobs".

While not female myself, I have heard similar groans and sighs emitted by women released from corsets. So boobs and boots perhaps are not so different.