Leaving letter

[snopes]

My leaving letter:
Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, tommorw is my last day. But before I
leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great
and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Tommorow is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day
leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please
know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack
of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude
you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where
miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and
inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a
strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute
his mistake to me.

Over the year and a half, you have taught me more than I could ever ask
for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough
to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide
variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in
overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily
tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace
knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "mostly
satisfactory." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy
after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of
mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other
within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on
the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye
contact.

But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my
personalized notes of farewell:

To Caulfield: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite
having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Mairead: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will
clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Linda: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these
"email forwards." I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good
luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

And finally, to Kat: you were right - I tested positive. We'll talk
later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual
who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this
experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job
opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner
kill myself.

Very truly yours,

Cian Kelliher

PS: I will be throwing myself a happy hour farewell party at the Oden
5.30 tommorow evening if anybody is interested in drinks!

[chillas]

Apparently it was written by the author to whom it is attributed, but as a joke for which he has apologized.

Short article

And I ask this in all seriousness, when the NFBSK will people learn?

[Buckle Up]

He said the text had been pulled off the internet and was meant as a joke.

Yeah right.

Mr. Kelliher has since written another one apologising, asking everyone who forwarded the original email to also forward the apology.

Oh, I'm sure they will.

[lynnejanet]

I am sure that I remember this going around the bank I worked at, 20 years ago, as one of those faxed jokes that were popular before email.

[Deepfrydegg]

Lesson learned (or should be learned):

Never send these things out in e-mail. Such tidbits can be forwarded to the wide world with a simple click. What is meant as something internal can easily find its way into a million inboxes in a very shortime!!!

Next time, leave a voicemail

[Starla]

Originally Posted by chillas

Apparently it was written by the author to whom it is attributed, but as a joke for which he has apologized.

Short article

From your link:

He said the text had been pulled off the internet and was meant as a joke.

So, ill-advised and unoriginal. Way to go, Cian!

[Muncle]

Originally Posted by Deepfrydegg

Lesson learned (or should be learned):

Never send these things out in e-mail. Such tidbits can be forwarded to the wide world with a simple click. What is meant as something internal can easily find its way into a million inboxes in a very shortime!!!

Next time, leave a voicemail

Alas, I cannot find it, but there's a Dilbert cartoon to that effect.
Dogbert gets Dilbert out of bed at 1 in the morning to leave a voicemail on his boss's machine:

Dogbert: By leaving voicemail messages late at night it makes it seem like you're working around the clock

Dilbert (after dialing) : Hi, it's one in the morning. I'm in my underwear and I thought of you...oops

Dogbert: Did you just send an obscene voice message to your boss?

Dilbert: No, I think I hit the group code.

[bjohn13]

Originally Posted by Muncle

Alas, I cannot find it, but there's a Dilbert cartoon to that effect.
Dogbert gets Dilbert out of bed at 1 in the morning to leave a voicemail on his boss's machine:

Dogbert: By leaving voicemail messages late at night it makes it seem like you're working around the clock

Dilbert (after dialing) : Hi, it's one in the morning. I'm in my underwear and I thought of you...oops

Dogbert: Did you just send an obscene voice message to your boss?

Dilbert: No, I think I hit the group code.

It's odd how I can usually relate to the humor in Dilbert, but never find it even remotely funny. It's one of those things I look forward to every day without knowing why.

[Vanilla Gorilla]

Originally Posted by bjohn13

It's odd how I can usually relate to the humor in Dilbert, but never find it even remotely funny. It's one of those things I look forward to every day without knowing why.

Same here. We usually pass around the Dilbert daily calendar cartoons and sadly in many cases we can name a person or incident where this actually happened. Not so much as humor "HaHa" but more like knowing that someone else has also had this happen.

[Halfmad]

I would have taken more pleasure in the original email had he typed "tomorrow" spelled correctly.

[ParaDiddle]

Well, before reading the rest of the thread, I was considering re-working it into something I could use here. I'm about two weeks from a major promotion and a transfer that goes with it. Who knows, I still might.

- P

Originally Posted by Vanilla Gorilla

Same here. We usually pass around the Dilbert daily calendar cartoons and sadly in many cases we can name a person or incident where this actually happened. Not so much as humor "HaHa" but more like knowing that someone else has also had this happen.

I know exactly what you mean. When you are completely frustrated and aggravated in dealing with bureaucracies and pointless rules that seemingly exist solely to keep you from performing your duty, it's comforting in a odd way to know that you're not the only one stuck in such a position.