Bill Murray: 'No one will ever believe you'

[NotYouMe]

Basically, there seem to be a range of ULs that involve Bill Murray. Stories differ, but the one I've heard most goes like this. A FOAF is out late one night walking down a deserted city street. On the other side of the road, he sees a bearded man walking toward him. As he gets closer, they meet eyes and the FOAF's face lights up when he realizes that the man is Bill Murray. Before he can even wave, Bill charges across the street and tackles him. Stunned, the FOAF returns to his feet and looks, puzzled, at Bill, who invariably says, "No one will ever believe you," before disappearing into the night.

It seems that such stories have become somewhat of a fad, with people creating more and more outlandish situations that lead to the final line. Clearly it's turned into an urban legend, but there are some people that swear that it's true (or that it at least happened once).

[snopes]

http://www.gq.com/entertainment/cele...n-gq-interview

Q: Last question. I have to know, because I love this story and want it to be true. There have been stories about you sneaking up behind people in New York City, covering their eyes with your hands, and saying: Guess who. And when they turn around, they see Bill Murray and hear the words "No one will ever believe you."

A: [long pause] I know. I know, I know, I know. I've heard about that from a lot of people. A lot of people. I don't know what to say. There's probably a really appropriate thing to say. Something exactly and just perfectly right. [long beat, and then he breaks into a huge grin] But by God, it sounds crazy, doesn't it? Just so crazy and unlikely and unusual?

[Ana Ng]

This rumor has been posted like a million times on reddit in the past month. People really dig thinking this about Bill Murray for some reason.

[NotYouMe]

For what it's worth, I've heard it repeated first hand twice: once by a well known podcaster, and once (first hand) by a friend of a friend. Whether or not it has happened at one time, I don't know, but I'm quite sure that it has at least crossed into UL status in that many people claim to have had the same experience based solely on friends' stories.

[Lainie]

There's probably a really appropriate thing to say. Something exactly and just perfectly right.

Actually, Bill, I think you nailed it.

I also like the story about how Dan Ackroyd helped him make Razor's Edge (the story was way better than the movie!). And I want to hear his eerily perfect Ackroyd impression.

[hoitoider]

Originally Posted by Ana Ng

People really dig thinking this about Bill Murray for some reason.

That's b/c he rarely wears underwear. And when he does, it's usually something unusual.

One story I heard in college (early 80's) was Murray was playing tennis at a club and afterwards went around hitting people in the rump with his racket.

[putitinwriting]

The story I've heard going around about him is that he sometimes crashes random people's parties, has a drink or two, makes small talk, and then leaves quietly. Can you imagine?

[RCIAG]

Entertainment Weekly had a good article on Murray a few weeks ago:

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20396748,00.html

I had no idea he had no agent, publicist, manager etc.

I'm just glad they found him for Zombieland.

[Spam & Cookies-mmm]

So, what's that 800 number?

[NotYouMe]

Yeah, I should have mentioned in my earlier post that I've actually never heard the "Guess who?" variation. Most tellings I've encountered have him doing something far crazier, like running across the street and tackling someone in the middle of the night before giving the line.

[talk2sparky]

The funny thing about his quote, is that he never really denies it. I don't think he's done it, but he just leaves this little open window on the subject.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by talk2sparky

The funny thing about his quote, is that he never really denies it. I don't think he's done it, but he just leaves this little open window on the subject.

Exactly -- that's why I said his answer is perfect. If he isn't really doing it, and is just deliberately not denying it, that may be just as funny as actually doing it, you know?

[lynnejanet]

This is all part of his sleazy slacker plan to lead American youth into a culture of death and apathy.

Bill Murray is a fatal disease and the sad news we bring you today is that your children have been infected....
There is no denying that this grotesque and dangerous creature can be described as nothing less than one of the four horsemen of America’s impending Apocalypse.

You just wish it was an Onion article.

[Simply Madeline]

lynnejanet, there is so much comedy gold in that one article. I will be quoting it for days!

What this man symbolizes is far more ruinous than California’s buffet dinner of liberal socialist philosophies, homosexual lifestyles and pre-teen consumerism.

His mischievous grin suggests rape and sex and wanting to violate any thing he comes into contact with in the dead of night.

He has also been spotted by gossip reporters and police investigators showing up uninvited at “hipster” parties in places like Williamsburg, Brooklyn, once a Jewish enclave now a secret community of bearded 20-somethings wasting their parent’s hard-earned money on cocaine and clothes.

I don't know what's funnier here - the "gossip reporters and police investigators" or the idea that Williamsburg is a secret community.

Murray has not yet been charged with anything more than narcotic arrests and drunk driving, but at the very least parents should be deeply concerned. Is it not better to be safe than sorry when dealing with a man who may be the next national scandal for his bloodthirst and perversion? Would you not do everything in your power to protect your children from death and failure?

One of the articles linked under "you might also like" is Do Gay Pets Go to Heaven?, and they are so right. I do like that article!

[Richard W]

Originally Posted by Simply Madeline

lynnejanet, there is so much comedy gold in that one article. I will be quoting it for days!

Ooh, and it gets bonus points for using an umlaut instead of a hyphen in words with a double-vowel diphthong:

He is a harbinger of our death as a culture, the death of that preëminent philosophy of faith married to capitalism that has saved the world countless times from repression and annihilation.

I've not seen anybody else do that except Arthur Conan Doyle - he liked to write about coöperation and people reëntering rooms. "Preëminent" is a good one!

I think Stephenson Billings fancies Bill Murray, myself. How else could you possibly get to this?

When you see this man on screen, his eyes wander all over you like a caged New York City rat. They seek out your curves and muscles with eerie desire. Those are not the eyes of someone you can trust. His mischievous grin suggests rape and sex and wanting to violate any thing he comes into contact with in the dead of night. He seems willing to say whatever it takes to get you where he wants to go, both physically and intellectually. Many of my fellow journalists have reported their fear of this man and his wicked charm...

[putitinwriting]

I'm pretty sure that christwire is a satire site.

[STF]

Originally Posted by putitinwriting

The story I've heard going around about him is that he sometimes crashes random people's parties, has a drink or two, makes small talk, and then leaves quietly. Can you imagine?

That's what I heard as well and even saw what was supposedly a picture from one of those parties IIRC. Bill was just kind of in the background of it.

[Richard W]

Originally Posted by putitinwriting

I'm pretty sure that christwire is a satire site.

It certainly reads like satire. Whoever wrote that is a good enough writer that they surely can't be quite as insane as they appear...

[lynnejanet]

Originally Posted by Richard W

It certainly reads like satire. Whoever wrote that is a good enough writer that they surely can't be quite as insane as they appear...

Here's my blog post about the article.

Is Billings certifiable, or brilliant? Is Christwire serious, or satire? If Billings is a full-time poe, and Christwire is satire, then who pays the bills?

[NotYouMe]

http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/01/06/...karaoke-night/

It's not quite as dramatic as the UL version, but it's pretty close. Whether he was inspired by the rumors or this is a regular thing for him, I don't know, however.