Little Norma's Miracle Easter Dress

In my experience with dyes and bleach (and I have had more than I realized lol), I can't imagine that ever possibly happening. It just doesn't work like that. I could see getting a very blotchy and uneven shade of puke green/army green shadings, but nothing like this. That's why it must have been filth; filth might come out and leave the nice color behind - the color it was originally. Maybe the neighbor was a heavy smoker; that'd turn it brown and you might get it back to a nice green by cleaning it.

[Chloe]

Originally Posted by queen of the caramels

And green, isn't green one of the Devil's favourite colours?

Oh yes, I remember that now! And isn't his favorite metal copper, because it tarnishes to green?

Why does this community have such an insistence on getting all dressed up for Easter, anyway? It sounds like Easter here is just a place for folks to "see and be seen" in their fanciest getups. Isn't God supposed to love us even if we do wear ugly hand-me-downs on his special day? Apparently not. Looks like even in Glurgeland image counts more than anything else.

Wouldn't it have been a better glurge (...ha... "better glurge"...) if Mom hadn't been able to get the fabric, and people laughed at the little girl, and then Jesus came down and handed the girl a new puppy and said "All ye heathens, know that this girl loveth me most of all because she cared not for looking really cute, but instead gaveth her whole heart unto the Lord." Or something equally craptastic.

[queen of the caramels]

Originally Posted by We'veBeenHad

In my experience with dyes and bleach (and I have had more than I realized lol), I can't imagine that ever possibly happening. It just doesn't work like that. I could see getting a very blotchy and uneven shade of puke green/army green shadings, but nothing like this. That's why it must have been filth; filth might come out and leave the nice color behind - the color it was originally. Maybe the neighbor was a heavy smoker; that'd turn it brown and you might get it back to a nice green by cleaning it.

Thought the OP states that the giver sayes the dress is plain brown(see OP and my quote post).

Given the number of times I have splashed bleach( sodium hypochlorite) or hydrogen peroxide on my clothes , there is no way that you could obtain a "pure" colour after bleaching . I'm still puzzeled by it.



I went through the aggro of trying to dye white curtains green. I had to use 3 pots of dye to get the correct(read stated )colour although I followed the instructions ( I'm a chemist after all ). The curtains were patchy for the first 2 dyings. It was only one the third that I got a solid colour.

[TrishDaDish]

Originally Posted by stagemanager0610

I understand that the mother would want to clean the dress, but when you can't be guaranteed the green dye, why would she rip apart the dress right away?

Since the neighbor said "Perhaps you or one of your daughters could use it", and since Norma is 7, it's safe to assume the dress would be bigger than Norma, and needed some alterations. (Plus a proper washing, but let's not think on that, as that's too funky.)

Originally Posted by We'veBeenHad

Really I don't see why they'd be so unenthusiastic - they sound like fine dishes to me. Since when was meat a bad thing to have during the depression anyway - even lowly burger?

No kidding. OTOH, if that's all they had to eat (and the meat is sparse), that could get old really quick. "Oh boy! Slightly flavored meat sauce - again!"

True! Just about anything can get old though. Except maybe crawfish etouffee. JMHO

[Sister Ray]

Originally Posted by Chloe

Oh yes, I remember that now! And isn't his favorite metal copper, because it tarnishes to green?

And his favorite element must be potassium, because when you burn it it turns the fire a lovely green.

Sister "and I thought of the carol burnette version too, sadly" Ray

[Dactyl]

Originally Posted by queen of the caramels

Given the number of times I have splashed bleach( sodium hypochlorite) or hydrogen peroxide on my clothes , there is no way that you could obtain a "pure" colour after bleaching . I'm still puzzeled by it.

And thus it must be a miracle, God's existence is proved and all the puppies cheer.

But as others have said, I really can't see God getting involved in something so materialistic. A neighbour offering them a bunch of freshly grown vegetables they're never going to eat would have surely been a better use of his powers.

[Chloe]

Originally Posted by Sister Ray

And his favorite element must be potassium, because when you burn it it turns the fire a lovely green.

Sister "and I thought of the carol burnette version too, sadly" Ray

Well, at least this helps with figuring out his Playgirl Spread:

Turn ons: copper and potassium. Turn offs: crosses and holy water, poseurs.

Originally Posted by Miss Mouse

Wouldn't it have been a better glurge (...ha... "better glurge"...) if Mom hadn't been able to get the fabric, and people laughed at the little girl, and then Jesus came down and handed the girl a new puppy and said "All ye heathens, know that this girl loveth me most of all because she cared not for looking really cute, but instead gaveth her whole heart unto the Lord." Or something equally craptastic.

YOMANK!! Seriously!

[snoozn]

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

Actually, I want a green dress right now. It's in the window of the DressBarn on the 16th Street mall in Denver. It's so cute and springy, and, even though I'm not a big dress wearer, it would be perfect for me.

Perhaps I should pray to God, but trumpet vines don't grow round here.

Oh, and my neighbors are pretty poor, too.

OK snopesters, if you all pony up enough, I'll go buy the green dress, wrap it up nicely with a note that says "To Ryda, from God" and leave it at the Daily Camera office.

snoozn

[Spamamander]

Originally Posted by Miss Mouse

Wouldn't it have been a better glurge (...ha... "better glurge"...) if Mom hadn't been able to get the fabric, and people laughed at the little girl, and then Jesus came down and handed the girl a new puppy and said "All ye heathens, know that this girl loveth me most of all because she cared not for looking really cute, but instead gaveth her whole heart unto the Lord." Or something equally craptastic.

You asked for it ...

Little Norma's Easter Miracle

"Quit your whining. That's the best we got."

With that chastening from Mother, my seven-year-old sister dragged upstairs to bed, rolled over in the rat-chewed blankets on the bare mattress and finally settled down for restless sleep. Mother always told us to shut the hell up.

Mother stood alone by the red light in the window. She had been "unwell" for months. Part of her problem was the fifth of gin she put back each day, a condition that left her drained and bone-weary. Giving birth to six children in twelve years to six fathers had taken an alarming toll on her body, especially considering the opium addiction. The years of the Great Depression of the 1930s had ravaged not only our family financially but millions of other families as well.

Little Norma wanted a new dress for Easter. A green one. One that didn't have slits on the sides up to the hips like her older sisters wore out on the street. The hand-me-downs from her three older sisters had been handed-down one time too many. Easter Sunday was “dress-up-day” at our small church in upstate New York. Ladies wore spring hats and colorful voile dresses. Little boys wore stiff, new suits and ties. And little girls sashayed down the center aisle with their crinoline petticoats peeking from under full pastel skirts and tight bodices. It was the one day in the calendar year every little girl wanted to look down on the poor folk, because obviously Jesus didn't love them if He wouldn't even get them a dress.

Mother crossed her arms and wondered why her daughter was such a whiner. Buying cloth was not an option; there was barely enough money for her booze. In fact, food was in such short supply that more often than not tomato dumplings or hamburg gravy were served to the less-than-enthusiastic children who gathered expectantly around the large oak dining table before being kicked out for a few hours while Mother "entertained her guests".

Finally, Mother walked out on the front porch which was partially covered with orange trumpet vines providing a lattice of protection and privacy, just in case her "guests" liked a bit of outdoor action. Sitting on the metal porch chair, she began to pray:

“Father, my little girl is such a damn whiner. How the hell can I get her to shut up about a dress. She wants a green dress for spring. Please, Lord, help me not want to strangle the little wretch."

The next morning while Mother was hanging wet sheets on the back yard clothes line after the night's work. a snide neighbor approached her. “I brought over a dress for you. It’s plain brown but it’s made of excellent material. Much better than someone like you could ever afford.”

Mother accepted the brown dress without flipping her off. After a nasty conversation, our neighbor left and Mother rushed inside to find the gin.

Little Norma was in school so Mother began ripping out the seams of the brown dress. Her frustration grew as the dress separated into several pieces of fabric.

She talked quietly to herself, a symptom becoming more common as the drugs kicked in. “I can bleach the pieces of material, but where will I get five cents for some green Rit Dye? That might shut the little wench up.”

Mother carried the pieces of fabric to the kitchen sink where she filled a large pan with water, pouring in the small amount of Clorox still remaining in the bottle.

What she witnessed pissed her off.

Slowly and disturbingly, the Clorox removed the brown dye from the material in large patches, leaving it a nasty mud-brown with lighter patches of tan. She rinsed the material in cold water and rushed to the back porch to inspect it in the bright sunlight.

It was nauseatingly ugly. But that five cents could buy another glass of rotgut. Screw the Rit dye.

She raised her brimming eyes toward heaven. ‘Lord. she just better be damn happy for this effort.”

Two days later, Mother quietly carried a nasty brown dress with a ragged hem into her little girl's bedroom. She never could sew straight after the gin. She waved dismissively at her sleeping child and said low enough for her not to wake.

“Happy Easter. Live with it.”

The next day Norma was in tears as Mother forced her to put on the puke-colored dress. They made their way to the church where the snobbish little girls pointed and laughed. Mother didn't really notice; she had already taken a few long pulls off the flask she kept in a skirt pocket. Norma bent her head in prayer that Jesus deliver her from this hell on earth.

And a miracle occurred!!111!! Jesus descended from the heavens and pulled aside the little girl, handing her a fuzzy little Collie puppy. "This dog is bred to herd sheep- he may remind you always that I am the Lord your Shepherd." Then he told her to stay in the safety behind the bushes and raised His hand, raining down fire and brimstone from the skies, torching the church and destroying all the bitchy women who had looked down on the little girl. Her mother was among the victims, but Norma could not spare any tears for the drunken woman who had given her life. The authorities scooped her up and sent her to a wonderful family on a farm where her puppy grew up to herd the lambs in the springtime each year.

Before Jesus ascended again to Heaven, He spoke that only the little girl might here. "I have gifted to you this new life, as I arose in a new life at Easter. The heathens who have given up their faith to worship fashion sense have died at the will of my Father. But by the way girlfriend, where did you get that awful dress?"

[inkrose115]

Spamamander... Cheeks hurt, ribs ache, I can't breathe.... turning blue here... You owe the school a new keyboard. It now has bits of food on the keys.

[Bryan With a 'Y']

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

Actually, I want a green dress right now. It's in the window of the DressBarn on the 16th Street mall in Denver. It's so cute and springy, and, even though I'm not a big dress wearer, it would be perfect for me.

Perhaps I should pray to God, but trumpet vines don't grow round here.

Oh, and my neighbors are pretty poor, too.

Ryda, if I had a million dollars, I would buy you a green dress.

But not a real green dress. That's cruel.