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  #1  
Old 17 November 2009, 05:07 AM
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Blow Your Top The Amazing Cucumber

The Amazing Cucumber

This information was in The New York Times recently as part of their
"Spotlight on the Home" series that highlighted creative and fanciful ways
to solve common problems.

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one
cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin
B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium
and Zinc.

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick
up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and
Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for
hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a
cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a
soothing, spa-like fragrance.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in
a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long.
The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent
undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the
area.

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or
to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem
area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the
collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing
the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber
slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free.
Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish
essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium,
avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge?
Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European
trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you
don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber
over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that
not only looks great but also repels water.

9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice
and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the
spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water,
the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling
water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma
that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students
during final exams.

11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints?
Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your
tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will
kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless
steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to
clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine,
but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while
you clean.

13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and
slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and
markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

Pass this along to everybody you know who is looking for better and safer
ways to solve life's everyday problems..
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  #2  
Old 17 November 2009, 07:16 AM
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Let's ignore the obvious No. 14 joke.

My old company had a promotional booklet with the nuritional benefits of various fruits and veggies. Asparagus outscored all of them by a long way. No idea if it could do 2-13 though.
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  #3  
Old 17 November 2009, 01:41 PM
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"Not only does it help your body, you can use it for your heavy cleaning, as well!"

Somehow, if I saw that claim used on something commercially produced, I don't imagine there'd be many buyers.
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  #4  
Old 17 November 2009, 02:07 PM
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But what about the seedy, slimy center? Wouldn't you leave bits of that all over your mirror & hinges?
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Old 17 November 2009, 02:13 PM
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Cucumber certainly do contain a large variety of vitamins and minerals. However, they don't contain a particularly large amount of them. You'd have to eat about a dozen cucumbers a day to get all your B vitamins from them.
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Old 17 November 2009, 02:16 PM
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How high is the water content?
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Old 17 November 2009, 02:22 PM
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About 90%, according to the pages I've looked at.
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Old 17 November 2009, 02:33 PM
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Not much space for the other stuff then.
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  #9  
Old 17 November 2009, 02:37 PM
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Spit Take

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eddylizard View Post
Let's ignore the obvious No. 14 joke.
Forget 14, it is right there point 2.


Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber
slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free.
Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish
essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium,
avoiding both a hangover and headache!!
So the Screaming Viking would be a great drink!
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  #10  
Old 17 November 2009, 02:46 PM
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Cucumbers can temporarily repair a broken fuel injector. Cut the cucumber into thirds lengthwise; remove the retaining grommet, pull out the injector, and insert a third of the cucumber, remembering to plug the fuel line into the end of the cucumber.

In an emergency (such as being lost in the desert) a dog can live for up to thirty minutes on cucumbers alone.

Cucumbers can serve as bookmarks for very thick books.

Egyptologists believe that the huge blocks of stone used to make the Pyramids were rolled up inclined planes by using millions of cucumbers as rollers.

Elton John used to use cucumber slices as frames for his spectacles.

The word "cucumber" is funny because it has a "k" sound. Two in fact, so it's practically hilarious.

The word "cucumber" comes from two Old English words, "cu" and "cumber." "Cu" means "cow." "Cumber" means "to strike repeatedly on the head with a blunt instrument." To this day cows flinch when they see cucumbers. Therefore, bullfighters would be well advised to jam a cucumber down the front of their trousers before entering the ring, just in case.

"Cucumber" has exactly the same meter as "Moon River," so if you're writing a spoof of a Johnny Mercer song, there's your beginning right there.
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  #11  
Old 17 November 2009, 02:55 PM
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Brad: You should be a writer.

Next time you peel a cucumber, don't throw those peels away! Glue several slices of peel to the bottom of a pair of slippers, and watch your kids slide around the house for hours. The work just as well as those $35 "carpet skates" AND the phytochemicals in the cucmber will clean your floors for free!
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  #12  
Old 17 November 2009, 03:04 PM
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Cucumbers have a important history too. The early Spanish exploration of the New World was largely in order to find a new source of cucumbers to get around the cucumber monopoly that was held by the Venetians at the time. The "Battle of the Cucumbers" was a turning point in the 30 Years War, when Prussian and Swedish troops ambushed a large French cucumber convoy. During WWI, the British took over all cucumber farms throughout the Empire, and all cucumbers were diverted to the war effort. The defeat of the German Empire was largely due to the 17 billion cucumbers they were able to produce.
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  #13  
Old 17 November 2009, 03:32 PM
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Squirt new keyboard stat!
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  #14  
Old 17 November 2009, 03:34 PM
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Also, doesn't "The Amazing Cucumber" sound like a really awful vegetable themed magician?
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  #15  
Old 17 November 2009, 03:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirt View Post
Also, doesn't "The Amazing Cucumber" sound like a really awful vegetable themed magician?
There is a guy around here- kids' magic show/comedy- called The Great Zucchini. I have not seen his show but I don;t think he uses vegetables as props.
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Old 17 November 2009, 03:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Dave View Post
There is a guy around here- kids' magic show/comedy- called The Great Zucchini. I have not seen his show but I don;t think he uses vegetables as props.
I was a volunteer on stage recently with a "hypnotist" who called himself "Doctor Trance" All I can say is:

Quote:
You're right Mrs. Craig, he can't do it.
Quote:
Look into my eyes, into my eyes. Not around the eyes, into my eyes. 3-2-1 and your under.
All I can say is he said we'd all feel better after the show. I know I did, my friend who was in the audience and I laughed for about two hours at his antics.

Last edited by Eddylizard; 17 November 2009 at 03:58 PM.
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Old 17 November 2009, 05:37 PM
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Mr. Thompson: Can't we do something else?
4th Man: Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?
Sergeant: Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit...
All: We've done the passion fruit.
Sergeant: What?
Mr. Harrison: We've done the passion fruit.
2nd Man: We done oranges, apples, grapefruit...
Mr. Thompson: Whole and segments.
2nd Man: Pomegranates, greengages...
Mr. Harrison: Grapes, passion fruit...
2nd Man: Lemons...
Mr. Thompson: Plums...
Mr. Harrison: Mangoes in syrup...
Sergeant: How about cherries?
All: We did them.
Sergeant: Red and black?
All: Yes!
Sergeant: All right... cucumbers!
(All sigh.)
Sergeant: We haven't done them, have we? Right. Cucumbers! How to defend yourself against a man armed with a cucumber! Now you, come at me with this cucumber. (to Mr. Harrison) Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a cucumber. First of all you force him to drop the cucumber; then, second, you eat the cucumber, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
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Old 17 November 2009, 06:53 PM
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14. Cucumbers can be used in determining the exact height of a building. Simply offer the architect or building manager a number of free cucumbers in exchange for the information!

15. Cucumbers can also be used to kill aphids and potato bugs. Simply capture the offending pests, place them between two firm cucumbers, and squeeze until they're dead. Wash before eating.

16. Want to measure the current of a river or stream? Simply throw a cucumber in the water, and time how long the cucumber takes to go 100 feet.

17. Is your DVD player not working? Simply paste googly eyes to a cucumber and recreate your favourite "Silly Songs with Larry the Cucumber" moments from the VeggieTales series! Usta!

18. You can also use cucumbers to make a delicious New England Clam Chowder! Simply add all the appropriate ingredients, and stir occasionally with an unpeeled cucumber.

19. Got a hot date tomorrow, ladies? Simply wrap your hair overnight around a number of small-sized cucumbers for broad, tousled curls.

20. Finally, cucumbers can be used to make all your wishes come true. Simply go to the grocery store, pay for a cucumber with cash, and use whatever change you receive to make a wish at a local fountain or well!
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Old 17 November 2009, 08:06 PM
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Out of toilet tissue? Have a cucumber? The day is saved!
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Old 17 November 2009, 08:13 PM
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Cucumbers: the refreshing alternative to limes.
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