"Helpful" passengers

[MichiganGirl]

My dad came to visit me last week. He helped me out a lot, helped me to get a used minivan. My car was almost falling apart.

However, it had been years since I had driven with him in the car. Gaaaaaaaaaaah! Why does he think SCREAMING "GO!" at me when I'm trying to turn is helpful? When I told him that it almost made me stop in the middle of the road, he said that was stupid (and screaming at a driver is not?). He thinks he has to help me drive. When the light turns green, he immediately says you can go. Now I can see if someone doesn't see it, pointing it out to them, which I do occasionally, but not often. But I do have eyes, thanks very much.

When I was turning left out of his motel parking lot, he told me I could go (turn) if I went really quick. I wasn't comfortable doing it then, there was a car coming from the opposite side of the road. He got all pissy, like I'm not appreciating him "helping" me drive. I don't need your damn help when I drive! I'm used to doing my own driving. Yes, sometimes you ask the passenger if someone is coming from their direction, as it can be harder to see. But doing it every time? Controlling much, dad?

Sorry, just needed to vent. He's helped me out a lot, but can be sooo annoying and doesn't even realize it. he really has no idea how to be emotionally supportive.

[mela681]

That is exactly why I hate driving when my husband is with me. If there is a dangerous situation, him yelling at me is not going to help me navigate

[CSGirl]

My sister was like that for a while- especially when she was learning to drive. I hadn't been driving *that* long, maybe 2-3 years, but I was a very safe driver, and well, who was she to tell me?

She almost got me in an accident once. We were in a parking lot, and she screamed because she was convinced I was about to hit a pedestrian. I had plenty of time to stop, but her scream scared the crap out of my, so I slammed on the brakes and almost got rear-ended.

Also, if I decided to wait to turn left because I didn't think the traffic gap was big enough, she'd ask why I didn't turn, I had plenty of room.

Of course, this is the sister who now has multiple speeding tickets, is known for blowing through a stop-sign (that she didn't even notice) with out little cousin in the car (who of course told everyone), and in general being a very scary driver.

[Brad from Georgia]

Just tell your dad, "If you're going to be that helpful, I'll just close my eyes and you tell me how to drive, okay?"

[MichiganGirl]

Originally Posted by Brad from Georgia

Just tell your dad, "If you're going to be that helpful, I'll just close my eyes and you tell me how to drive, okay?"

Good one! That would piss him off royally!

[FrogFeathers]

My mom was driving and I was the passenger. We had to wait on traffic to get out of a parking lot. There were two lanes for each side with a middle part for the left-turning vehicles. Traffic had backed up at the stoplight and a guy driving a white panel-van stopped to leave us a gap so we could pull out. Mom had her left turn blinker on, because we were going the other way. The driver of the van glanced in his mirrors, looked over his shoulder and then waved my mom to go. We were on our way to a dentist appointment for her where she'd be knocked out (which is why I was with her- to drive home) and she went ahead and pulled out. (she blames herself for being preoccupied with her dentist appointment).

We were promptly struck by another car. Her car was totaled and I re-injured the knee I'd had surgery on just four months earlier (in 1998, not the new knee joint!), luckily, she was unhurt. So, now when someone waves me on, I shake my head. Or if a passenger tells me I'm clear to go, I simply say, "If you don't mind, I'm going to trust my own eyes to tell me its clear to go."

I also drilled that into my kids' heads when I was teaching them how to drive. Even now, Jerry will tell me as we back out of our driveway, "You're clear..." I'll just repeat that line. He's started saying it with me after I start, so you'd think he'd just stop telling me when I could go.

[chocolate kisses]

Put him in the back seat and then he can be a true backseat driver.

[DevilBunny]

My father used to do that to me. Right up until I told him he could walk home

[Eddylizard]

Haha. From the other angle, being driven through France in a RHD car, my driver asked me from time to time to say whether it was clear to overtake (since the passenger in a "wrong side" car can see more clearly).

With the benifit of hindsight I should have picked two words more distinctive than "No" and "now")

"Clear to overtake?"
"No"
Pulls out to overtake, into path of oncoming lorry.
"NO, NO, NOOOOO!"

Ever had that passenger moment of slamming your foot on the brake pedal you don't actually have?

[FrogFeathers]

Originally Posted by Eddylizard

Ever had that passenger moment of slamming your foot on the brake pedal you don't actually have?

I taught three teens how to drive and sometimes, I ride with a stroke survivor. I think there's a dent in the floorboard in the shape of my Doc Martens.

[RivkahChaya]

I can match that. My mother is a horrible driver, who doesn't care that she is a horrible driver. She stops at intersections with her car halfway past the curb, because "I have to be able to see." She goes the wrong way on one way streets if it's just for a block or two, runs red lights all the time, because she speeds up on yellow, then can't stop in time when it turns red before she gets there. Speeds, passes on the inside. It's not her age, because she has always driven like this. She's a fanatic about seatbelts, and always uses her turn signal, but geez. I don't know why she doesn't get cited more often.

So anyway, I was living with my aunt and uncle when I got my driver's license, then I went home for several weeks in the summer, and had the experience of driving with my mother as a passenger. I would stop at a stop sign, in the correct place, right at the white line in front of the cross walk, and she'd yell at me to pull up further, how the heck* could I see if a car was coming? I'd stop when the light was yellow, and she'd yell at me, because someone was going to rear-end us when I did that, and I'd be at fault, and her insurance rates would go up. When I drove the speed limit, I was a hazard, because it was wrong to drive the limit, I should drive what everyone else was driving, even if they were all speeding.

I will not drive with her as a passenger anymore. Period.

*She used a different word, but I understand Barbara likes a clean website.

[NayShel]

The first time I ever drove my older brother somewhere I finally had to tell him that if he couldn't stop hollering, he could just drive instead because him yelling at me was just making me more nervous.

I had to break my habit of helping to look when DH and I met. It was tough because Mom always has me help look and we worked out the vocabulary and everything (to avoid situations like Eddylizards) but DH would rather I just sit back and let him handle it because he has a hard time trusting anyone else's judgement. Especially mine since I'd had my fair share of fender benders from silly mistakes. Mind you my driving skills have vastly improved over the last 10 years or so we've been together but he's still wary.

[Aud 1]

Ugh. My mom still has an idea that I'm a poor driver and does crap like this to me. I guess because I was the oldest me learning to drive the most traumatic for her. She's not like this at all with my younger sisters who have wracked up many many speeding tickets in their lives. (I've never had one.)

Most of the time I'm a good passenger with DH. However, if I'm not feeling well or the weather is bad I'm much more likely to get nervous. I try to focus my nervous energy in to tapping a finger somewhere where DH can't see it. I also try to avoid saying "Ahhhhh" like my mother does. If I do indicate something coming that he might not see, he just says thank you. Bless his heart.

[MrsLottoTx]

My husband taught me to drive. He taught me the correct way to stop at a light (nosing the fat white line with the front bumper, in the car, 2-3 feet back in the truck so car drivers can see past me), how to obey the speed limit, how to use my turn signals, how to watch for pedestrians and bikers (motorized and not) and how to look in all the mirrors then turn to check again anyway for the blind spot.

He complains about my driving.

What's worse? I find myself being touchy about his driving nowadays. Too fast, too erratic, switching lanes often, etc. I've kept it all to myself, but his Civic has that high visibility speedometer and I can't stop from glancing at it three or fifty times during a drive. (Pic for those who don't know where the speedo is on the Civic) The speed is the 0 right above the steering wheel. Note, I've driven past Civics and can see their speed clearly from my own car.

Mrs.

[Natalie]

Originally Posted by NayShel

I had to break my habit of helping to look when DH and I met. It was tough because Mom always has me help look and we worked out the vocabulary and everything (to avoid situations like Eddylizards) but DH would rather I just sit back and let him handle it because he has a hard time trusting anyone else's judgement.

Bf feels the same way, plus our car is configured in such a way that my head is usually blocking his line of sight.

He used to be a terrible passenger, but he's getting better. Before we met he had been in a series of car accidents where he was the passenger, and felt he could have prevented the accident if he had spoken up. So of course, when we met and didn't know each other well he would "speak up" by repeating the same thing over and over again in an unnecessarily loud voice - not quite shouting, but close. He's calmed down a bit since then, but he still needs to practice informing me of a situation once, in a non-shouting voice.

[pickle]

Originally Posted by RivkahChaya

I will not drive with her as a passenger anymore. Period.

I don't know, RivkahChaya, from what you've described I think I'd much rather have her as a passenger, then have her as the driver....

[RivkahChaya]

Originally Posted by pickle

I don't know, RivkahChaya, from what you've described I think I'd much rather have her as a passenger, then have her as the driver....

I dunno, remaining a passenger is probably the reason I haven't either punched her, or had a serious accident because she got me rattled. I don't drive with her very often.

[Roadsterboy]

Originally Posted by Eddylizard

With the benifit of hindsight I should have picked two words more distinctive than "No" and "now")

"Clear to overtake?"
"No"
Pulls out to overtake, into path of oncoming lorry.
"NO, NO, NOOOOO!"

I've had that problem backing out of my parent's driveway. The view's kind of blocked (lots of street parking), as well as the passenger usually being in the way. More than a few instances of someone backing out when there's a car coming.

My Dad and I have also worked out that "left" means "turn left", "right" means "turn right", and "Correct" is the only word that will be accepted as an affirmative answer. One too many missed turns.

-RB

[Beldaran]

Originally Posted by Roadsterboy

My Dad and I have also worked out that "left" means "turn left", "right" means "turn right", and "Correct" is the only word that will be accepted as an affirmative answer. One too many missed turns.

-RB

My husband and I have worked out that "left" or "right" means absolutely nothing and he should turn the way I'm pointing regardless of the word I'm saying. We have the same rule on "correct" though.

[Eddylizard]

I've always been dreadful at telling the difference between left and right. I used to joke that that was the main advantage to being married - glance at that little gold band on the ring finger.

One thing I found interesting was when I took the exam for my driving licence was the examiner assured me he would not penalise me after I turned right after he told me to turn left. Whether it's that lenient now I have no idea - I have my licence and have no desire to retake it to find out.

And yes as per Beldran my directions when asked for are usually "That way" with a gesticulation of the finger.