The real reasons why women have sex

[snopes]

A book which claims to have uncovered the "real reasons" women have sexual intercourse gives a rather unromantic view, with passion hardly featuring on the list of most common motives.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...-have-sex.html

[Richard W]

I expect they want babies - who needs to read a book to work that out? Tch.

“Research has shown that most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,” the authors, who are both psychology professors at the University of Texas, conclude.

Are they talking only about Texas there?

(eta) I assume they must have given similar questionnaires to men, but those don't seem to be mentioned in the article for some reason. I wonder what they said?

[lyra_silvertongue]

What a horrible article and horrible sounding book.

But the majority, 84 per cent, admit they have sex to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for their partners to carry out household chores.

Every single time? Or did 84% of women admit that sometimes they have sex with their partner when they're not totally into it, or to bargain or whatever. The implication that more than 4 out of 5 women only have sex out of obligation or as a bargaining tool is really outlandish.

[vanilla]

Hunh. According to that book I must be in the -.02 percent that has sex because I find my partner attractive and sexy, I enjoy it immensely, and wish I could have sex more often because I honestly love it.

[Sue Bee]

Where, pray tell, did they find these women? The Chicken Ranch???

[Ryda Wong, EBfCo.]

To be fair, from talking to many women about sex, I've found that it is not uncommon for women to have sex with their partners primarily because they feel they "owe" it to them or to keep the peace.

I, myself, have been guilty of that in the past before I woke the F up.

[Sue Bee]

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

To be fair, from talking to many women about sex, I've found that it is not uncommon for women to have sex with their partners primarily because they feel they "owe" it to them or to keep the peace.

I, myself, have been guilty of that in the past before I woke the F up.

Hell, yes, and I am sure that there have been times that I received sex because my partner felt that my partner owed it to me. Or to make me happy, because there have been times that I did the same.

[Mama Duck]

Don't lots of people have sex out of boredom? Surely that's not a new or uncommon reason.

[Aud 1]

Is oweing the same as "clearly not as enthused as him at this precise moment but not completly against the idea and it's worth it see him make that goofy face even if I'm not worried about getting there myself tonight." Or have just been married a really long time.

[RivkahChaya]

Are they talking only about Texas there?

Yeah, maybe it's just a Texas thing. Bill, Dale, Hank, Boomhauer, Kahn and Lucky, vs. Peggy, Minh, Luanne, Nancy, and heck, even the Reverend. And while Didi is a little worse for wear, and not so bright...Cotton? I'd rather date a diseased Dutch Elm.

[Nana M]

Originally Posted by Aud 1

Is oweing the same as "clearly not as enthused as him at this precise moment but not completly against the idea and it's worth it see him make that goofy face even if I'm not worried about getting there myself tonight." Or have just been married a really long time.

,,,and still have sex because I enjoy it and find my partner attractive and sexy. Yes, I may have been guilty of some of those reasons at one time or another, but they aren't the reason I usually, and still, have sex. How totally demeaning that article is.

[LizzyBean]

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

To be fair, from talking to many women about sex, I've found that it is not uncommon for women to have sex with their partners primarily because they feel they "owe" it to them or to keep the peace.

I, myself, have been guilty of that in the past before I woke the F up.

If that's their major outlook on it, then they need counseling or new partners.

Yes I'm sure we all have had sex for some reason other than passion and love, but if you try to tell me that most women always do it for any other reason I'm not going to take you seriously.

Let me guess, the flip side of this study is going to find that 4 out of 5 women deliberately withhold sex to be royal bitches and get back at their partners.

[Ryda Wong, EBfCo.]

Originally Posted by LizzyBean

Yes I'm sure we all have had sex for some reason other than passion and love, but if you try to tell me that most women always do it for any other reason I'm not going to take you seriously.

I didn't try to suggest that at all.

Just trying to point out that this mentality isn't uncommon.

[rhiandmoi]

How about:

• There was nothing good on TV
• It was something to do
• It beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
• Eh, why not?

[RivkahChaya]

Come to think of it, "boredom" is probably the oldest reason since estrus cycles.

There are times I agreed to sex with my husband because he wanted to. It wasn't my first choice of activities, but I wasn't opposed to it at the time (like I might have been if I weren't feeling well, or were very tired), but it was what he wanted, so I said yes, because I wanted to make him happy, and after we got started, I was having a good time.

The same thing has happened with other activities, like afternoon walks, going to movies, and one canoeing expedition I remember. Which is probably a good thing, with married people.

[Richard W]

• It will heal up otherwise

[LizzyBean]

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

I didn't try to suggest that at all.

And I wasn't speaking of what you said...I was talking about the OP and in general.

Just trying to point out that this mentality isn't uncommon.

In your circles perhaps. Anecdote ! = Data

[purpleiguana]

Originally Posted by RivkahChaya

There are times I agreed to sex with my husband because he wanted to. It wasn't my first choice of activities, but I wasn't opposed to it at the time (like I might have been if I weren't feeling well, or were very tired), but it was what he wanted, so I said yes, because I wanted to make him happy, and after we got started, I was having a good time.

For me, this. I don't have a particularly conscious libido. It wakes up from time to time, but it spends a lot of its time in a coma. If sexual interactions between my husband and myself required me to initiate things, we'd probably have sex twice a year.

I want to be clear that he never, ever pressures me into having sex when I absolutely don't want to, but, as RivkahChaya described, there were times when he wanted to have sex, and I was pretty ambivalent about the whole thing but said yes anyway. I think only once or twice in our whole sexual history did I find myself saying, "Ya know, you really should have just said no."

[MapleLeaf]

Originally Posted by Richard W

• It will heal up otherwise

*pfffffffft*

[RivkahChaya]

Originally Posted by purpleiguana

I want to be clear that he never, ever pressures me into having sex when I absolutely don't want to, but, as RivkahChaya described, there were times when he wanted to have sex, and I was pretty ambivalent about the whole thing but said yes anyway. I think only once or twice in our whole sexual history did I find myself saying, "Ya know, you really should have just said no."

Exactly. DH always takes no for an answer. There have been times when he came home from work, and I had plans to do something else, and he wanted sex, and it wasn't what I wanted to do, but I did it because he wanted to. Which is not the same thing as being forced, or even pressured. I think it's something only someone who has been married for several years can understand, but compromising on the timing of sex is sometimes like going to see the movie he wants this time, because he went to the thing you wanted to do last time.

I know sex has a special place, and it's all right-of-passages and magic, and secrets, at first, and there's stuff about body integrity that isn't involved in picking a movie, but this is the guy who was there when I had to poop for the first time after my c-section, and the phone cord, IV, and catheter got tangled, plus, I wasn't moving all that well, and I had troubled getting the bed lowered, and didn't make it to the toilet.

And I really do love him so much that making him happy feels good. That's not what it's about every time, but it's OK if that's it sometimes. It really not different from saying what you like within love-making, and wanting you partner to do it for you.