Very Important Guidelines on Marriage

[Tarquin Farquart]

Received in the old inbox this morning...

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there is nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Dave. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Rose.

When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Rose to get a part-time job along with her full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest
for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable.. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves...

I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get
them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when
she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a
fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.

And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Rose.I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.....

Signed, Dave


ED'S NOTE: Dave died suddenly on May 27th. The police report say that he
was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club rammed up his back side, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Rose
was arrested and charged with murder; however, the all-woman jury found
her Not Guilty, accepting her defence that he accidentally sat down on it...

[Dropbear]

See, while it has a "boy, she got him back for being a jerk, didn't she" ending I can't help but feel that this sort of joke is inherently misogynistic in that it dwells so lovingly on all the self-centred things that 'Dave' did. The message being "gosh, if only women really were like that how wonderful things would be but instead they are hormonal bitches"....

Dropbear

[llewtrah]

Tarquin, what have you started? This could ramble on like a similar one (the remote control) on the old board - some arguing it is misogynistic, some that we should all loosen up cos it's a joke, some that he is the butt of the joke, others that she is the butt of it, there could be side-debates on the jury selection process and whether an all female jury should be allowed to judge a female defendant in an unbiased way .....

[chillas]

Originally Posted by Dropbear

See, while it has a "boy, she got him back for being a jerk, didn't she" ending I can't help but feel that this sort of joke is inherently misogynistic in that it dwells so lovingly on all the self-centred things that 'Dave' did. The message being "gosh, if only women really were like that how wonderful things would be but instead they are hormonal bitches"....

It's actually extremely misandristic, as Dave is shown as the stereotypical clueless, insensitive, lazy man.

Originally Posted by llewtrah

some that he is the butt of the joke

I will send that joke on to my wife and my parents. They will all get a kick out of it.

He sat on it...

[inkrose115]

I thought most of the humor was in the fact that whatshisface thought he was doing his wife a favor and was so stupid and oblivious he would have been SHOCKED (SHOCKED, I say!) at his untimely end.

[MapleLeaf]

This was stupid. I'm not gonna spend much time weighing in on the offensive part (though I think it was offensive to both men and women). It was dumb. Not funny. Painful to read.

[Mouse]

Originally Posted by llewtrah

there could be side-debates on the jury selection process and whether an all female jury should be allowed to judge a female defendant in an unbiased way .....

But isn't the rule that you have to be judged by a jury of your peers.

Sorry I just thought I ought to be the one to get this ball rolling.

[glisp42]

What MapleLeaf said. Offensive to both genders, stupid and totally unfunny.

[lynnejanet]

Yep. Not worth getting all het up about.

[Canuckistan]

Originally Posted by inkrose115

I thought most of the humor was in the fact that whatshisface thought he was doing his wife a favor and was so stupid and oblivious he would have been SHOCKED (SHOCKED, I say!) at his untimely end.

He would have been shocked by premeditated murder?

I'm with the others. Offensive to everyone involed, not funny at all.

[Discouraged One]

I didn't think it was funny but we can all tell the guy's an asshole and "got" what was coming to him. It's an extremely bad behaviour but let's not make a storm out of a glass of water. It's a fictional account.

[llewtrah]

Originally Posted by Mouse

But isn't the rule that you have to be judged by a jury of your peers.

Sorry I just thought I ought to be the one to get this ball rolling.

I think the balls are already rolling Possibly the OP's balls ....

You'll just come across the great divide of Brit humour (Benny Hill, Are You being Served and suchlike) and USAnian humour.

Originally Posted by llewtrah

You'll just come across the great divide of Brit humour (Benny Hill, Are You being Served and suchlike) and USAnian humour.

So do Brits think this is funny and Yanks think it is not? Or is it the other way around?

I found it funny, but I am in a stable relationship where there is much give and take. My wife also found it funny along with my parents (who are close to the topic, being all retired playing golf and such...). Do people find it NOT funny because it hits a nerve?

Obviously, I don't get it why people would find it NOT funny. I mean the whole, "I'm being nice to my wife" with the total clueless guy and then he getting his golf club in a way he didn't expect and then the jury of women saying there was no crime?

Note, I also find the red-neck joke about "He needed killin'" being a valid reason in the South, funny.

[ThistleS]

Originally Posted by Doug4.7

So do Brits think this is funny and Yanks think it is not? Or is it the other way around?

I found it funny, but I am in a stable relationship where there is much give and take. My wife also found it funny along with my parents (who are close to the topic, being all retired playing golf and such...). Do people find it NOT funny because it hits a nerve?

Obviously, I don't get it why people would find it NOT funny. I mean the whole, "I'm being nice to my wife" with the total clueless guy and then he getting his golf club in a way he didn't expect and then the jury of women saying there was no crime?

Note, I also find the red-neck joke about "He needed killin'" being a valid reason in the South, funny.

I don't find it funny because it is tired and predictable. Also the set-up is just a widge too extreme- a less extreme husband character would be more believable and therefore funnier. On some level it's offensive but that's not why it's not funny to me. Often the most offensive jokes are the ones I find most funny.

[Ryda Wong, EBfCo.]

Originally Posted by Doug4.7

Obviously, I don't get it why people would find it NOT funny.

Same reason I don't find Adam Sandler funny. I prefer things that take a bit of grey matter.

[Bryan With a 'Y']

Yeah, I liked the old song better.

Fill my pipe and then go fetch my slippers,
Boil me up another pot of tea.
Put another log on the fire, woman,
Come and tell me why youre leaving me.
Yeah, come and tell me why youre leaving me.

But that's probably just because the Muppets performed it.

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo.

Same reason I don't find Adam Sandler funny. I prefer things that take a bit of grey matter.

YMMV Sometimes I want my grey matter stimulated , other times, I want to watch America's Funniest Videos....

[Ryda Wong, EBfCo.]

Originally Posted by Doug4.7

YMMV Sometimes I want my grey matter stimulated , other times, I want to watch America's Funniest Videos

Yeah, but, at the very least, with AFV, a surprise is possible. With Sandler, it's gonna be the same-old (punch-drunk love is an exception) sterotypical slush that's been done a billion times.....Blech.

Anyways, remember your YMMV: Our milage varies. That's why some people don't find this joke funny.

[rhiandmoi]

Sandler was also terrific in Spanglish.