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#1
30 December 2006, 04:58 AM
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Lice Girl
Note: I re-formatted this because in the original I had to scroll down for about five minutes before reaching the bottom.
-------------------------------------------- this is the nastyist thing I have read in a long time...read all the way to the bottom or else........... DONT STOP OR ELSE SUMTHIN BAD WILL HAPPEN ... KEEP GOIN... ALMOST THEIR.......................... MY NAME IS jamie martin I AM 15 YEARS OLD WITH MASSIVE LICE AND A TIGHT PURPLE SWEATER. I HAVE NO LEFT FOOT OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF U DO NOT REPOST THIS IN THE NEXT 5 MIN., I WILL APPEAR TONIGHT BY YOUR BED WITH A ****ING CAN OPENER AND WILL MAKE YOU HELP ME THIS IS NO JOKE SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO U TONIGHT AT 10:42. SOMEONE WILL CALL U OR TALK TO U ON THE INTERNET REPOST THIS WITH THE TITLE:Lice Girl ------------------------------------------- This is just awful. I mean, it doesn't even make sense (in any way). A can opener? I almost start losing respect for myself when I realize that I associate with the people who actually believe this and forward it to me. 
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#3
30 December 2006, 08:03 AM
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I was wondering exactly what the can opener is for as well. Once I got to that point I figured that they're just not even trying to have these things make sense anymore since apparently there is a certain percentage of the population who will blindly believe it and pass it on.
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#4
30 December 2006, 08:44 AM
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Massive lice - like really, really big cow-size lice?
Also - when she appears beside my bed with only one foot won't she just fall over? Mind you having no ears will help with putting on the tight purple sweater. Still a bit confused about the can-opener though... Still she's getting herself out to meet people and that's got to be a good thing. Dropbear
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#5
30 December 2006, 09:20 AM
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Isn't it obvious? The can opener is to get her out of the tight purple sweater so she can go take a shower. And you need to help her because she can't hold herself up *and* use the can opener at the same time, since she only has one foot.
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#6
30 December 2006, 04:21 PM
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You got a corrupted version of this tender message. The full version, according to a zillion MySpace pages is
MY NAME IS [name varies]... I AM [various ages] OLD WITH MASSIVE PUBIC LICE AND A TIGHT PURPLE SWEATER. I HAVE A TWO INCH PENIS. AND I DON`T KNOW HOW TO MASTURBATE. I HAVE NO LEFT FOOT OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF U DO NOT REPOST THIS IN THE NEXT 5 MIN., I WILL APPEAR TONIGHT BY YOUR BED WITH A [NFBSKING adjective varies] CAN OPENER AND WILL MAKE YOU HELP ME MASTURBATE.
__________________
******************* Kathy B. The Plural of anecdote is not data
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#7
30 December 2006, 06:14 PM
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Well, after looking at the full version, the fact that I got a watered-down version doesn't really make me feel too deprived or upset.
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#8
30 December 2006, 06:47 PM
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Honey, I can tell you this much: if you think you need to use a can opener to masturbate, it could explain why you're dead. You used the wrong plug in device and bled to death. Idiot.
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#9
07 January 2007, 11:43 PM
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I got this three times so far. Myspace is making me depressed about human beings.
__________________
NUMBER NINE... NUMBER NINE... NUMBER NINE...
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#10
07 January 2007, 11:46 PM
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If you think it's depressing now, imagine how it feels to be 26 and keep getting things like this (from people your own age, no less). I'm always especially thrilled when I get one that insists "Don't open this in front of your parents!!11" Uh, yeah, thanks. I appreciate you looking out for me so that I don't get grounded.
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#11
07 January 2007, 11:49 PM
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I've added some new ones to my "Great Band Names" list:
Appearing tonight at your bed! No cover! MASSIVE LICE with TIGHT PURPLE SWEATER Next week: NO LEFT FOOT OR EARS performing their hit singles "Two-Inch Penis" and "Don't Know How to Masturbate"
__________________
Won't somebody please think of the adults! "Communicating badly and then acting smug when you're misunderstood is not cleverness." -xkcd
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#12
07 January 2007, 11:54 PM
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Quote:
 I'm not sure why, but that made me literally laugh out loud.
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#13
08 January 2007, 05:37 AM
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Well, then I'm glad that at least some good could come out of these constant disgraces of the English language that keep ending up in my inbox.
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#14
08 January 2007, 04:13 PM
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Quote:
I have a band name for you - Polyester Hairball (This was from when I had a rabbit that would eat the yarn right out of our carpet. Don't ask. She was sweet, but really stupid.)
__________________
I may have just had a squeegasm - Blatherskite.
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#15
13 January 2007, 09:25 AM
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Quote:
Cervus, YOMANK!
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