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Old 17 September 2008, 01:32 AM
DawnStorm's Avatar
DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
Join Date: 11 March 2003
Location: Montgomery County, MD
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Shout Will Rogers quotes

Did he now?

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Good Advice: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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  #2  
Old 17 September 2008, 01:41 AM
AniMajor
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnStorm View Post
Good Advice: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Doing that leads to some pretty crappy dreams.
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  #3  
Old 17 September 2008, 03:48 AM
musicgeek's Avatar
musicgeek musicgeek is offline
 
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Many of these are authentic Rogers - 3, 4, 5 and 11 for sure. Many sound like they could be Rogers, although I've never seen them in a quotation anthology. Some sound like recycled jokes attributed to Rogers (the golf one and the laxative one seem likely ringers).
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  #4  
Old 17 September 2008, 05:32 PM
Dr. Winston O'Boogie's Avatar
Dr. Winston O'Boogie Dr. Winston O'Boogie is offline
 
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Location: Fox Lake, IL
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Just off the top of my head,
Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnStorm View Post
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

Good Advice: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
don't ring true as being from Will Rodgers. He was only 55 when he died, so he was never "old". He died in 1935, so the automobile culture wasn't as pervasive as today, so the Odometer quote is suspicious to me. Similarly, were sleeping pills readily available? Also, he may have been folksy, but he wasn't crude; some of these involve bodily functions that Will would not have been speaking about.
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  #5  
Old 17 September 2008, 06:12 PM
Silas Sparkhammer's Avatar
Silas Sparkhammer Silas Sparkhammer is offline
 
Join Date: 22 September 2000
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 26,844
Whalephant

Quote:
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
What about those of us who really loved (and still love) algebra? Algebra and renewed youth too? Deal!

Silas
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