I married my sibling!

[Tantei Kid]

Originally Posted by Cherished Emerald

I wonder why the writer thought mentioning race would be relevant From what I can tell, it doesn't seem to make any difference to the story.

Because only black people have so many problems with not knowing their fathers. If they were white then no one would believe the story was true.

[One-Fang]

Is it not illegal to marry one's brother or sister? A few questions -

1. Would this make divorce unnecessary? An illegal marriage is simply dissolved/annulled, isn't it?

2. Isnt this sort of thing checked for - isn't that why you need to get a marriage licence? If both mothers put "father: unknown" on the birth certificates, how did they then manage to track down their fathers later in life?

3. What happens in adoption cases? Your new parents legally become your father and mother, and your new siblings legally become your brother and sister. Is it permissible to marry one of them? If you do marry someone else at some point, is your original birth certificate used in the marriage certificate process to check that you aren't actually related after all?

[UEL]

Originally Posted by One-Fang

2. Isnt this sort of thing checked for - isn't that why you need to get a marriage licence? If both mothers put "father: unknown" on the birth certificates, how did they then manage to track down their fathers later in life?

Not speaking on behalf of the OP, but from my experience in getting married, the only question we were asked was if there were any conditions that would prevent us from being legally married. Nothing was ever double checked, as far as I know.

And, only the short birth certificate was required, not the long one. So, there was no mention of either of my parents, nor my wife's parents*, on our documentation prior to our wedding.

* I was born in Ontario, and my wife was born and adopted in Manitoba. We were married in Manitoba, so I can see the Vital Statistics department being able to readily access her information. But with me being born outside the province, it would add some extra work, which I'm sure the government would not fund.

[lord_feldon]

Originally Posted by One-Fang

Isnt this sort of thing checked for - isn't that why you need to get a marriage licence?

I doubt it comes up that much, really. And AFAIK, a marriage license is just to prove you filled out the right form and gave enough money.

Originally Posted by One-Fang

If both mothers put "father: unknown" on the birth certificates, how did they then manage to track down their fathers later in life?

Perhaps the mothers knew more than they wrote down.

Originally Posted by One-Fang

If you do marry someone else at some point, is your original birth certificate used in the marriage certificate process to check that you aren't actually related after all?

I strongly doubt they care enough to check, really. The extreme unlikelihood would make it nearly futile.

Originally Posted by UEL

Not speaking on behalf of the OP, but from my experience in getting married, the only question we were asked was if there were any conditions that would prevent us from being legally married. Nothing was ever double checked, as far as I know.

Ditto here. I have applied for marriage licenses in 3 states (only two were used though) and only had to tick a box that we were not knowingly related closer than 2nd cousins (or some wording to that effect) and that there were no known conditions that would invalidate/prevent the marriage. I never had to supply a birth certificate, nor provide my parents' names, or otherwise "prove" the information was accurate (although there are laws about lying on a marriage license).

I only had to give my name, date of birth, age, place of birth, address, number of marriage, social security number (which was not checked as far as I know) and show state-issued ID (a birth certificate could have been used for that, but I used a military id card or drivers' license).

[mags]

Personally, if I found out my SO was related to me, even as a half-brother, I'd stay with him. I might reconsider having biological children with him (if we were planning to have kids), but that would be about it. I probably would not be announcing it to the world at large, but I wouldn't be weirded out by it, either.

When I met him, actually, it almost sounded like we could have the same father when we were sharing different things about them. There were just a lot of odd similarities.

[Christie]

Originally Posted by mags

Personally, if I found out my SO was related to me, even as a half-brother, I'd stay with him. I might reconsider having biological children with him (if we were planning to have kids), but that would be about it. I probably would not be announcing it to the world at large, but I wouldn't be weirded out by it, either.

I would! I really don't know how I'd actually handle this were it to happen to me (I mean how likely is it in the grand scheme of things?) but I admit the idea of finding out that my husband of 26 yrs is also my brother would definitely weird me out. I'd also be pretty damn angry at the parent(s) who would have allowed such a thing to happen. I can definitely see how this kind of information could destroy a family.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Christie

I would! I really don't know how I'd actually handle this were it to happen to me (I mean how likely is it in the grand scheme of things?) but I admit the idea of finding out that my husband of 26 yrs is also my brother would definitely weird me out.

It would weird me out, but I don't know that I'd throw away a successful 25-year marriage over it. If I hadn't known him growing up, and I'd lived with him all those years as his wife, I don't know that I'd really internalize the idea of his being my brother.

[Joostik]

Originally Posted by Christie

I'd also be pretty damn angry at the parent(s) who would have allowed such a thing to happen.

In this case, both mothers were single parents, who most likely did not know about the other family. The father might have known, but it doesn't sound as if he was hugely involved in his childrens lives, so he might not have realised they were getting married to eachother.

Anyway, genetic tests have shown a considerable percentage of children is fathered by someone else than their official father. There is also the issue of sperm donors. Is anyone suggesting a paternity test before all marriages?

Originally Posted by Joostik

There is also the issue of sperm donors. Is anyone suggesting a paternity test before all marriages?

That's something I hadn't really considered before. Maybe we ought to go back to requiring blood tests before marriage, only this time testing for DNA matches instead of diseases?

I don't think I would end my relationship with my husband if I found out he was a half-sibling by blood. I am sure I would be weirded out for a while, but I'd like to think it wouldn't make a real difference and if we had not been raised as brother-sister the dynamics of the relationship would be unchanged.

I would be much more squicked by step-siblings who had been raised together being married than by total strangers finding one another who happen to share some DNA.

[Chloe]

I might be weirded out to discover I was married to my brother, but I hope I would be able to get past that and have the courage of commitment to the relationship.

[Christie]

Originally Posted by Lainie

It would weird me out, but I don't know that I'd throw away a successful 25-year marriage over it. If I hadn't known him growing up, and I'd lived with him all those years as his wife, I don't know that I'd really internalize the idea of his being my brother.

I honestly cannot say how a situation like this would be ultimately resolved. My only point really is that it would weird me out (to say the least) and there would be repercussions. To presume otherwise would not be very realistic of me. Whether I'd ever think of him as a brother is a bit of a moot point. The relationship inevitably would change. Would we be able to continue as before? Doubtful. What would come next, I have no idea!

[barbrainey]

I would definitely end my relationship with any husband I had if I discovered that he was my brother-whether full or half. I would feel repulsed at the idea of continuing to have sex with him. I would suddenly find it repulsive.



Barb Rainey

[Chloe]

What if you later found out it wasn't true?

[vanilla]

Originally Posted by snopes

We decided that in order
to really move forward in our spiritual life, that we needed to forgive
all the people we had problems with including our fathers.

We didn't realize how much that unforgiveness impacted our own lives. I
made it a point to forgive my father in my heart because I knew it would
be difficult to find him. My husband, however, got in touch
with his father and made arrangements to meet up with him when we went
home for our family reunion.

I think the thing that really stands out for me is the fact that after three years of dating, two years of marriage and conversations about meeting up with his father, neither of them bothered to mention or even ask the other what their father's name is. Not one conversation regarding their anger with their fathers, their need to forgive them or any stories about their past experiences with their fathers caused either one of them to use their father's name. Neither mother mentions it when they meet the SO, neither mother tells stories that refer to the father's name, no relatives that they see mention the fathers' names or tell stories that contain the names. Heck, (I'm reaching here) as "devout Christians" I have a feeling they would have been married in a church or married by a pastor/priest/minister, who would have asked for that information (IME they do). If they sent out invitations to the wedding, I'm sure it would have come up.

We are supposed to believe that not one person who knew their parentage (I am guessing that because the kids knew who their fathers were that their relatives did too) mentioned his name to this happy couple. That this happy couple decided to keep their fathers' names secret from their loved one. Or that even though they knew their father by sight they didn't know his name outside of "daddy" or "father". Just one story about "Mark" by anyone who knew them would have at least started a conversation on how their fathers have the same first name. Five years without mentioning a name? Five years of never mentioning to one of the most important people to you the name of someone who has hurt you and you need to forgive? Really?

Maybe I'm just a loud mouth who can't keep her own secrets to herself or from my husband, but I'm not buying it.

[Dr. Winston O'Boogie]

Originally Posted by vanilla

I think the thing that really stands out for me is the fact that after three years of dating, two years of marriage and conversations about meeting up with his father, neither of them bothered to mention or even ask the other what their father's name is. Not one conversation regarding their anger with their fathers, their need to forgive them or any stories about their past experiences with their fathers caused either one of them to use their father's name. Neither mother mentions it when they meet the SO, neither mother tells stories that refer to the father's name, no relatives that they see mention the fathers' names or tell stories that contain the names. Heck, (I'm reaching here) as "devout Christians" I have a feeling they would have been married in a church or married by a pastor/priest/minister, who would have asked for that information (IME they do). If they sent out invitations to the wedding, I'm sure it would have come up.

We are supposed to believe that not one person who knew their parentage (I am guessing that because the kids knew who their fathers were that their relatives did too) mentioned his name to this happy couple. That this happy couple decided to keep their fathers' names secret from their loved one. Or that even though they knew their father by sight they didn't know his name outside of "daddy" or "father". Just one story about "Mark" by anyone who knew them would have at least started a conversation on how their fathers have the same first name. Five years without mentioning a name? Five years of never mentioning to one of the most important people to you the name of someone who has hurt you and you need to forgive? Really?

Maybe I'm just a loud mouth who can't keep her own secrets to herself or from my husband, but I'm not buying it.

Now, what are you doing bringing logic into a good racial diatribe? C'mon. Everyone knows that poor overweight single black mothers poppin' puppies out for the welfare check barely keep track of who the fathers are, much less who the father of their future son/daughter-in-law is.

[Maque]

Originally Posted by RivkahChaya

Wasn't this an episode of House?

Yeah, there was a chick and a boy who were desperately in love, only then House and his team found out that they had a genetic condition, and their father was the same dude. It was in season 2, and Foreman was all depressed for having to ruin their love!

...I think I've watched my DVDs too many times.

[Joostik]

Originally Posted by Maque

Yeah, there was a chick and a boy who were desperately in love, only then House and his team found out that they had a genetic condition, and their father was the same dude. It was in season 2, and Foreman was all depressed for having to ruin their love!

Couldn't he just have said they had the same condition? Telling them they had the same father would be uncalled for and way out of line.

The only thing that matters is their genetic condition. They have been tested, are aware, and know they should avoid having children. That's all they need to know. It's up to them to continue the relation or not.

Sometimes what you don't know doesn't hurt you.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Joostik

Couldn't he just have said they had the same condition? Telling them they had the same father would be uncalled for and way out of line.

The only thing that matters is their genetic condition. They have been tested, are aware, and know they should avoid having children. That's all they need to know. It's up to them to continue the relation or not.

The "thwarted love" angle makes for better television.

[Christie]

Originally Posted by Joostik

Couldn't he just have said they had the same condition? Telling them they had the same father would be uncalled for and way out of line.

The only thing that matters is their genetic condition. They have been tested, are aware, and know they should avoid having children. That's all they need to know. It's up to them to continue the relation or not.

Sometimes what you don't know doesn't hurt you.

Knowing it's just a TV show but, well, wouldn't this be unethical? What would happen if down the road they did find out they were related, that a medical professional knew about it but decided he was god and didn't have to tell them something as significant as this? I'm seeing lawsuit at the very least.