Human race recalled for "SIN" defect

[Magpye]

I don't get this kind of thing often, but this came from my mother-in-law today...

Thought you’d enjoy this!
Love,
MIL
-----Original Message-----
From: Name deleted to protect the spammer

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality" or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R (tollfree)

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.

Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!
Signed

GOD

Note: Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "knee mails."

She thought I'd enjoy it?? Oh, dear.
Of course, she is a member of the LDS church, a convert, and living in Utah, three items which make her likely to forget that I enjoy my existence as a quiet, liberal, Episcopalian academic. And in her favor, the above was only edited where occasional line breaks caused problems - it was a clean forward. And she didn't send it to DH, who is agnostic.

So, my biggest issue with the above item is that it is simplistic claptrap. The acronyms especially get on my nerves. Anyone else?

[Mouse]

This really belongs in the Glurge Gallery. Oh and so anyone who doesn't accept Jesus automatically gets tossed into Hell? Well, then I hope you're happy: you've just damned infants, toddlers, the profoundly retarded, stillbirths, people who live in the darkest depths of the jungle and have never heard of Christ, all the Indians living in the Americas before the Europeans came over.

I'm a Christian and this kind of reasoning cheeses me off. You're not God so you have no way of knowing the state of another man's soul so therefore you have no right to condemn anyone to Hell.

[inkrose115]

How about the entire message of the piece?
...
I had someone at the school labs complain because I swore by saying Jesus. This guy began with, "Well I won't criticize you since I swear, but shouldn't say it because it offends me." or something along those lines.
I said, "Eh?..."
Then he snorted at me and said "I'm a Catholic."
"Well it's fine. You have a right to be offended. I have a right to free speech."
Then he got all huffy, which didn't bother me in one bit.
Eesh! Normally I'd be polite and aquiesce as I do try and respect other views, but this guy is rude to everyone and has zero respect for authority. He's the one who has been known to flip teachers the finger and to use the F-bomb day in and day out.

[Kahdra]

6. Depression or confusion in the mental component

I am so relieved to hear that all the pain and suffering my family has experienced because of the numerous members of said family struggling with depression is because we're all a bunch of sinners . Who needs medication and therapy when we can just repent?

[Amigone201]

Oh! Oh my God, that's so clever! Oh, all the other glurges totally didn't get me to repent, but this one does, because it's so clever and funny!

[Canuckistan]

Originally Posted by Amigone201

Oh! Oh my God, that's so clever! Oh, all the other glurges totally didn't get me to repent, but this one does, because it's so clever and funny!

No, it's not. It's trite and predictable. I can't believe anyone thought this was well-written.

Oh, you were being sarcastic.

And may I say, you did it well.

[inkrose115]

Originally Posted by Canuckistan

No, it's not. It's trite and predictable. I can't believe anyone thought this was well-written.

Oh, you were being sarcastic.

And may I say, you did it well.

Luckily my parents are smart enough not to send me tripe that this.

[Esprise Me]

Originally Posted by Magpye

So, my biggest issue with the above item is that it is simplistic claptrap.

If by "simplistic claptrap" you mean "arrogant and hateful nonsense," then sure, I agree.

To see why this is so offensive, let's turn the tables:
--------------------------------------------------------
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the brain.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype unit code named Lucy, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Functional Analytical Incapacity with Transient Hallucinations," or more commonly known as F.A.I.T.H., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of reasoning ability
2. Seizures and tics ("speaking in tongues")
3. Amnesia of origin, delusions of grandeur
4. Lack of tolerance and understanding
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Conformity

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this FAITH defect. The Repair Technician, natural selection, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: T-H-I-N-K (toll free)

Once connected, please upload your burden of FAITH through the EDUCATION procedure.

Next, download SKEPTICISM from the Repair Technician into the brain component. No matter how big or small the FAITH defect is, EDUCATION will replace it with:
1. Enlightenment
2. Understanding
3. Peace
4. Courage
5. Tolerance
6. Intelligence
7. Freedom from irrational fear
8. Insight
9. Self-control

Please see the operating manual, The God Delusion, for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded by the church.

For free emergency service, call on common sense.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The FAITH defect will not be permitted to enter distinguished academic circles so as to prevent contamination of those facilities.

Thank you for your attention!
Signed

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Note: Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the FSM any time through the use of psilocybin.
-------------------------------------
Please note that I do not hold these attitudes toward religious people, as I trust no one on this board holds the attitudes expressed in the email quoted in the OP toward atheists like me.

[chillas]

Typical of big corporations. Create a prodcut with a serious design or manufacturing defect, release it anyway, then when finally called on the carpet for it deny all responsibility.

[Tarquin Farquart]

B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth)

And there was me thinking Bible meant book. That's got to be one of the worst acronyms ever.

[kitap]

Originally Posted by Mouse

This really belongs in the Glurge Gallery. Oh and so anyone who doesn't accept Jesus automatically gets tossed into Hell? Well, then I hope you're happy: you've just damned infants, toddlers, the profoundly retarded, stillbirths, people who live in the darkest depths of the jungle and have never heard of Christ, all the Indians living in the Americas before the Europeans came over.

I know people who believe that the Indians/Xhosa/fill-in-the blanks are damnable because they are descended from people who rejected God and came up with their own fake gods. Yes, they are serious.

[glisp42]

6. Depression or confusion in the mental component

Let me get this straight, depression and mental illness are sins now? That is rude, offensive and absolutly disgusting. I forgot, all you need is God right? I think next time I break a bone, I'll just ask God to heal it rather than going to the ER. If God doesn't heal it, it must mean I'm a sinner.

[Canuckistan]

Originally Posted by glisp42

Let me get this straight, depression and mental illness are sins now?

Of course. If you had the love of God, you wouldn't feel down. Hence, you obviously don't have the love of God. You have a demon inside you.

Enjoy your eternity of suffering, you miserable spawn of Satan!

That is rude, offensive and absolutly disgusting.

Only to miserable spawn of Satan.

Oh, and in case it isn't blatantly anyone to obvious: .

[glisp42]

Originally Posted by Canuckistan

Of course. If you had the love of God, you wouldn't feel down. Hence, you obviously don't have the love of God. You have a demon inside you.

Enjoy your eternity of suffering, you miserable spawn of Satan!

Thank you, I shall. I'll bring the beer but someone else has to bring the nachos.

Originally Posted by Mouse

This really belongs in the Glurge Gallery. Oh and so anyone who doesn't accept Jesus automatically gets tossed into Hell? Well, then I hope you're happy: you've just damned infants, toddlers, the profoundly retarded, stillbirths, people who live in the darkest depths of the jungle and have never heard of Christ, all the Indians living in the Americas before the Europeans came over.

I once asked a christian who believed Jesus was the only way for salvation what happens to the people living in the jungle who have never heard of Jesus and he told me that everyone has a chance to learn about Jesus at some point in their life, regardless of where they live. Ok,

In regard to babies, they get an automatic pass, as long as they were baptised. I didn't think to ask about profoundly retarded people but I would imagine the same rule would apply to them too.

[Tisiphone]

Originally Posted by glisp42

Let me get this straight, depression and mental illness are sins now? That is rude, offensive and absolutly disgusting. I forgot, all you need is God right? I think next time I break a bone, I'll just ask God to heal it rather than going to the ER. If God doesn't heal it, it must mean I'm a sinner.

Once in RE a priest came in and pointed out the 'coincidence' that as less people were going to church more were going to therapy. It's quite surprising how many people think that church is an adequate substitute for therapy or medication.

[Don Enrico]

Esprise Me, that was well done!

*applaudes*

[llewtrah]

B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth)

Personally I'd rather trust the pre-flight checklist before leaving Earth. I've never seen anything in BIBLE about checking fuel levels, flaps and rudder

[zman977]

Originally Posted by chillas

Typical of big corporations. Create a prodcut with a serious design or manufacturing defect, release it anyway, then when finally called on the carpet for it deny all responsibility.

Are we talking about God or microsoft? I could not resist.

[diddy]

Originally Posted by Canuckistan

Of course. If you had the love of God, you wouldn't feel down. Hence, you obviously don't have the love of God. You have a demon inside you.

Enjoy your eternity of suffering, you miserable spawn of Satan!



Only to miserable spawn of Satan.

Oh, and in case it isn't blatantly anyone to obvious: .

Dang it Canuck! YOMANK. And i need a new one too! I should have heeded your warning!