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  #1  
Old 11 February 2007, 12:12 AM
Capri
 
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Default Yet more useless "Points to Ponder"

Got this one in my email today. sheesh! Enough already!

Subject: Fwd: Points to Ponder

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: ----- NA¤VE!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

3. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
"THEIRS"?
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  #2  
Old 11 February 2007, 12:25 AM
Fiver
 
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Quote:
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
They just ripped on Seinfeld on this one. Not word for word, but idea wise.
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  #3  
Old 11 February 2007, 12:35 AM
inkrose115's Avatar
inkrose115 inkrose115 is offline
 
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Numbers One, Two, they make sense to me in a funny way. Not that I'd want them in my inbox anyways.
Quote:
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
Am I missing something?

Quote:
5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
Okay, this one is true...

Six thru Eight, And Ten thru Thirteen english needs professional help. We know already.

Quote:
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
No... Um. Darn me and my hyper mind. How do you make croutons?

Quote:
16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.
Genuine
Quote:
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Not true! My nephew picked it up from watching his daddy drive.

Some of these were a real hoot. It almost made my day better. Well, I've wadded through dumber e-mails before. Thanks for the laugh at the expense of your brain cells, Capri.
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  #4  
Old 11 February 2007, 01:12 AM
Doug4.7
 
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Teacher

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capri View Post
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
I don't wonder, I know.

Yes, that was the topic of my dissertation....

And the answer depends on if you are talking about step-leaders, dart-leaders, or return strokes....
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  #5  
Old 11 February 2007, 01:13 AM
Singing in the Drizzle Singing in the Drizzle is online now
 
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Quote:
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
That would depend on the ventalation system. Most places I have been to I would have to agree with #2, but their have been a couple that was not the case.

Quote:
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
So they do not become moldy stale bread.

Quote:
3. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Answer: Ti's Its the first sylable not the first three letters.

I'm taking this to seriously, time for another beer.
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  #6  
Old 11 February 2007, 01:27 AM
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ButterscotchCat ButterscotchCat is offline
 
 
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I actually have a pair of shorts (men's boxers) that have a put-on of Fed-Ex. It looks like the Fed-Ex logo, but, says, Fed-Up
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  #7  
Old 11 February 2007, 01:28 AM
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Tantei Kid Tantei Kid is offline
 
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Ponder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capri View Post
Got this one in my email today. sheesh! Enough already!
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Amen! I haven't been to one with good enough ventilation yet.



Quote:
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Maybe they enjoy infantery?


Quote:
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
Pretty much mentioned above, but airtight means watertight too.


Quote:
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Uhh, the hair color they were born with?


Quote:
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Errr, try the same scale that tiny spoons and forks have? I collect Japanese ones sometimes because they have anime characters on them. For the record, they also come in sets with tiny spoons. Asian kids eat soft foods too.


Quote:
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
They didn't market well because amorrhoids and gemorrhoids aren't that common.
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  #8  
Old 11 February 2007, 01:50 AM
Singing in the Drizzle Singing in the Drizzle is online now
 
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Location: Bellingham, WA
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Quote:
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
Wouldn't that be a racecarist not a racist?

Quote:
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
I would guess the same reason that twelve is not pronounced onety-two. If anything it should be tenty-one, tenty-two, tentythree... tenty-nine. If we were to follow some other languages it would be one ten one, one ten two, one ten three ... one ten nine. Then the twentys would be two ten one, two ten two, two ten three ... two ten nine. I have always believed that names of the number 11 thru 99 have been screwed up.
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  #9  
Old 11 February 2007, 02:02 AM
OptimusShr
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inkrose115 View Post
No... Um. Darn me and my hyper mind. How do you make croutons?
Take a pieces of bread and cut it into squares, crusts are usually removed but it is persons discretion. Drizzle with oil, season, and bake.
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  #10  
Old 11 February 2007, 03:39 AM
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Mouse Mouse is offline
 
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Location: Oklahoma
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Mouse

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capri View Post
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
They're here because heaven doesn't want them and hell's afraid they'll take over.

I actually enjoyed this piece, maybe it's because I've been hanging around the Glurge Gallery too much but a little cynicism is nice.
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  #11  
Old 11 February 2007, 09:24 AM
Jonny T
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capri View Post
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: ----- NA¤VE!
Sometimes I want water but don't have access to a tap. Or a bottle.
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  #12  
Old 11 February 2007, 08:27 PM
JD65
 
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1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: ----- NA¤VE!

If you ever drank tap water in Southern Alberta, for instance, $2.00 a bottle is a bargain. In fact there are many places where you CAN'T drink tap water due to parasites, spring run off, bacteria and all sorts of other nasties in the water, even in parts of Canada where we are supposed to have the best water in the world. A friend from Brazil tells me she can't drink tap water, and she lives in a city of 5 million.
Having said all that, I'd rather buy a water cooler with 5 gallon bottles instead...cheaper in the long run than individual bottles.
Right now for work, I use a 2 liter pop bottle, and fill it with tap water.
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  #13  
Old 12 February 2007, 07:03 AM
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MapleLeaf MapleLeaf is offline
 
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Location: Toronto, ON
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Quote:
3. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Singing in the Drizzle View Post
Answer: Ti's Its the first sylable not the first three letters.
I was gonna say "Tights". Either way, it's definitely not "tits".

Quote:
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
"THEIRS"?
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Alright. That's a new one.
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  #14  
Old 12 February 2007, 03:01 PM
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geminilee geminilee is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Singing in the Drizzle View Post
I would guess the same reason that twelve is not pronounced onety-two. If anything it should be tenty-one, tenty-two, tentythree... tenty-nine. If we were to follow some other languages it would be one ten one, one ten two, one ten three ... one ten nine. Then the twentys would be two ten one, two ten two, two ten three ... two ten nine. I have always believed that names of the number 11 thru 99 have been screwed up.
Shouldn't 11 and 12 be one-teen and two-teen, if they are trying to follow the pattern?

Last edited by geminilee; 12 February 2007 at 03:03 PM. Reason: add quote
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  #15  
Old 12 February 2007, 03:10 PM
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Richard W Richard W is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Singing in the Drizzle View Post
Quote:
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
I would guess the same reason that twelve is not pronounced onety-two. If anything it should be tenty-one, tenty-two, tentythree... tenty-nine. If we were to follow some other languages it would be one ten one, one ten two, one ten three ... one ten nine. Then the twentys would be two ten one, two ten two, two ten three ... two ten nine. I have always believed that names of the number 11 thru 99 have been screwed up.

There are twelvety fish in a long hundred... I learned that while flicking through a book in Waterstones about Tolkien and the English Language.
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  #16  
Old 12 February 2007, 03:34 PM
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zman977 zman977 is offline
 
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[QUOTE=Capri;58293]
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: ----- NA¤VE!



This person needs to live where I live. Drinking the tap water is a bad idea. Let's put it this way, my dogs don't even like the tap water.
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  #17  
Old 12 February 2007, 04:44 PM
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inkrose115 inkrose115 is offline
 
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Location: Philadelphia, PA
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[QUOTE=zman977;59599]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capri View Post
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: ----- NA¤VE!



This person needs to live where I live. Drinking the tap water is a bad idea. Let's put it this way, my dogs don't even like the tap water.
I utterly agree. I feel lucky to live where I can feel safe drinking the tasty (in my view) tap water. Nevermind that my SIL tested her water for lead. Let's jsut say her kids aren't allowed to drink tap water any more. Oh well, they did that when they lived in italy too so I guess since the little uns have grown up with that they're used to drinking out of a bottle.
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  #18  
Old 12 February 2007, 05:42 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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D'oh!

[QUOTE=zman977;59599][QUOTE=Capri;58293]
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: ----- NA¤VE!



QUOTE]



Maybe they LIKE it?? It's really none of my business.
I often wonder why there are so many !!!! and 11111 in glurges.
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  #19  
Old 12 February 2007, 09:04 PM
OptimusShr
 
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Why spend $2.00 on a bottle of water when you can get spring water cheaper.

Really, I can get several multi gallon jugs filled for like, $10.
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  #20  
Old 12 February 2007, 09:40 PM
Karmyn Karmyn is offline
 
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Spring water and filtered water both have a strange aftertaste that I can't stomach. I drink bottled water at home because sometimes the filters get messed up or the chlorine level is too high. Also, if the electricty goes off, the water goes off, too and with bottles, it's always there. I take at least two bottles with me to school. I refuse to drink town water because it comes out of the Trinity River and Dallas dumps sewage in the river.
I know of one town nearby where the water is undrinkable. I've heard people complain of such things as the water burning their mouths to it causing severe cases of the runs.
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