Skipping grades makes kids social misfits

[snopes]

Comment: When my son was in public elementary school, he was bored and acted up in
class. The school authorities sat my husband and I down, and explained that
there was something terribly wrong with him, and that we needed to get him
checked medically. We got him tested and found out that in many areas he
was functioning years above grade level = at least academically. When we
brought the information back to the school, they confirmed it, and then
said that although they would not gradeskip him because 'there is more to
a child than just academics, and that a gradeskip would doom him to a life
of being a social misfit.'

I think that this is an urban legend, which I wish you would investigate
to see where it comes from and if it is in fact true.

In our situation, we figured that him acting out in class was a bad thing,
and not likely to prevent him from being a social misfit, so we moved his
to a neighboring private school, where they didn't know what to do with
him either, so they gradeskipped him and now he behaves 'well enough' for
the most part. I guess that he may or may not grow up to be a social
misfit afterall, but we'll have to wait and see.

I skipped a grade and I wouldn't consider myself a misfit. I didn't really get along with my peers but I don't think that was because of the fact that I skipped a grade.

[Donelin]

I was Skipped in school and it DID make me a misfit. I was skipped out of kinder and into First and Second for reading. I was always looked down on by the Kids because I was ALWAYS the littlest in the class and often had some of the highest grades-especially in reading and Social studies type things. If you can I would NOT recommend it, rather have your child tested and ID'ed for gifted and Talented monies. All school districts have money from the Feds to help Gifted and Talented kids excel. In my case, I used that GATE money in High School to TEACH a class of Sp. ED kids and take them on a Field Trip to a performance of a Vaudeville-like show.

[llewtrah]

I skipped grades several times due to being a bright kid (a "gifted child") in a small village where a lot of kids were underprivileged and many were from the local orphanage. They resented bright kids and resented outsiders so I got used to being a loner. My parents moved house and I moved school several times so I didn't have any long-lasting friendships, always seemed to be an "outsider" trying to fit into a close-knit community and that contributed to me being solitary.

Yeah, being moved out of your age group into a class of older kids and out-performing those older kids can make you really unpopular and pretty messed-up about forming friendships.

[Spam & Cookies-mmm]

It's bad for kids if their feet are smaller than their peers'.

Successful gradeskippers.

[lord_feldon]

I think I was considered for it in 2nd grade, but my parents decided not to pursue it for that reason. I'm glad that's how it happened though, because I hated most of that class as I began to know most of them. If anything, I should have been held back to get with similarly-aligned people.

[Troberg]

My main problem with grade skipping, which I also suspect is why it's not done in Sweden, is that the school has a curriculum where what's learned one year builds on what was learned the previous year. Skip a year, and you'll lose the foundation on which to place the new knowledge.

[Spam & Cookies-mmm]

Originally Posted by Donelin

I was Skipped in school and it DID make me a misfit. I was skipped out of kinder and into First and Second for reading. I was always looked down on by the Kids because I was ALWAYS the littlest in the class and often had some of the highest grades-especially in reading and Social studies type things.

I'm sorry you had that experience, but I don't believe it's a universal problem for grade skippers or one that is unique to them. I had friends in elementary and high school who had skipped a grade and were very well adjusted and had many friends. I also knew kids who were picked on, but never skipped a grade.

Every child should be individually evaluated, and not be told that they will be "misfits" because of their abilities.

[Troodon]

I was put into second grade when I started school at age six for some reason. (I honestly don't know why - I didn't speak English at the time so I doubt that they thought I was gifted.) I was always at least a year younger than the other students and while I didn't have much of a "social life", I never felt that it was because I was younger. My theory is that the sort of people who would pick on you for being smart and younger than they are aren't going to be the people who would have been your friends if you were their age, so the only issue I see is that of being physically unable to protect oneself against larger children.

As for me, I've always been glad that I was a year ahead. It's a year saved, to spend doing something I like more than elementary school. I even tried to skip a grade later, when I was in 8th grade, but although I passed all the tests, apparently I needed to pass them with 'A's. (I thought that that was unfair because if I had passed those same tests with 'B's and 'C's after spending a year studying the material then I would have been allowed to move up a grade.)

[Esprise Me]

Originally Posted by Spam & Cookies-mmm

It's bad for kids if their feet are smaller than their peers'.

Some of the comments on that page seemed pretty dismissive. One woman thought it was "ridiculous" that a friend expressed concern over the social and emotional well-being of a fifteen-year-old boy moving into a college dormitory. Look, it may work out fine, and it may even be the best thing for this particular child, but I know at fifteen, I was not ready to socialize with the people I made friends with my freshman year of college, or do the things we did! The way some of the concerns were phrased (feet too small, won't get her period when the others do, school isn't just about academics) was pretty silly, but the basic message--putting gifted children in a classroom with much older kids can create social and emotional difficulties--is not something to dismiss out of hand.

[Spam & Cookies-mmm]

Originally Posted by Esprise Me

Some of the comments on that page seemed pretty dismissive. One woman thought it was "ridiculous" that a friend expressed concern over the social and emotional well-being of a fifteen-year-old boy moving into a college dormitory.

True. That page has grown a lot since first I bookmarked it in 2002. The sneaker story still makes me cringe, as does the period problem. One of my friends in high school had skipped one or two elementary grades and didn't start her period until her 11th grade. It was awkward for her, but she wouldn't have given up the chance to skip a grade because of it.

Look, it may work out fine, and it may even be the best thing for this particular child, but I know at fifteen, I was not ready to socialize with the people I made friends with my freshman year of college, or do the things we did! The way some of the concerns were phrased (feet too small, won't get her period when the others do, school isn't just about academics) was pretty silly, but the basic message--putting gifted children in a classroom with much older kids can create social and emotional difficulties--is not something to dismiss out of hand.

I think there's a big difference between "much older kids" and kids who are just one year older, who are functioning academically at your level. As I said above, children should be evaluated on their own abilities, and given the best education possible, however it may best be achieved.

[DevilBunny]

I wasn't skipped a grade (my school 'didn't believe in it'), and I was still a social misfit.

Being far more intelligent than your peers will do that to you. No other reason required.

[kitap]

I'm not sure anecdotally that skipping a grade will do anything to the kid unless they are very behind in socializing skills, but several grades might be an issue.

And not being extra smart didn't save me from being bullied.

[franjava]

Originally Posted by kitap

I'm not sure anecdotally that skipping a grade will do anything to the kid unless they are very behind in socializing skills, but several grades might be an issue.

I'll agree with this. Babyjava is the youngest in her class because she started kindergarten (in NY) when she was four. Texas has different age cutoffs, so she is in a class with almost all 7 year olds while she just turned 6 in November. She is quite popular. She doesn't outshine everyone academically, just a few kids. It's mostly her reading/spelling that she's so good at. She's learning the social skills as she goes.

And not being extra smart didn't save me from being bullied.

[llewtrah]

Originally Posted by kitap

I'm not sure anecdotally that skipping a grade will do anything to the kid unless they are very behind in socializing skills, but several grades might be an issue.

I skipped a year and it did make a difference.

My age-mates wanted nothing to do with me because I'd been moved up a class.

The class I was moved into wanted nothing to do with me because I was equalling, and sometimes outperforming, them despite being younger.

One's own socialising skills be damned, if the other kids do not want anything to do with you, you're stuffed. I could have been life and soul of the party, but kids would still pick on me for being singled out by teachers. A kid can get stuck in a vicious circle of being an outcast because they are clever so you spend playtimes reading books and that makes them swots (especially if the books are textbooks) and they can end up even more of an outcast. All attempts by teachers at forcibly integrating the outcast just makes other kids resent them even more and the bullying/exclusion continues or worsens except when the teacher is looking (that way the teacher thinks things are all fine and dandy and the kid's life can be made a misery).

I got bullied by my age-mates for being clever. When I was moved up a class, I was bullied by my new class-mates because I was younger and still clever and schoolyard lore dictated it was simply not permitted that a younger child be brighter than an older one. That's me in that vicious circle - kids being nice to me in front of teachers, but so horrid to me the rest of the time I ended up on medication and having appointments with a child psychologist.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by DevilBunny

I wasn't skipped a grade (my school 'didn't believe in it'), and I was still a social misfit.

Being far more intelligent than your peers will do that to you. No other reason required.

Exactly -- that's enough right there. Especially since many gifted kids exhibit "asynchronous development," meaning their social skills lag behind while their intellectual skills leap ahead. That's a recipe for social disaster, whether you skip grades or not.

[missy_pooh_1997]

I skipped thrid grade b/c I was advanced in reading and english(with half of my posts I know it's hard to believe). It think it all has to do with the maturity of the child. I had arthritis and hip surgery so I never really played kids games or did kid things. My mom would also take us to alot of her business functions so we were expected to act with class and maturity. So I was always used to being around older children and adults.

My cousin on the other hand had a few problems b/c she skipped 3 grades. She was 10 in middle school and alot of the kids were talking about dating and dances and she wanted to play her instruments and dress up Barbie in her free time. She got through it though and now she has a degree and a good job. I guess some ackwardness was worth it in the end.

[mags]

After I was out of school, my mom mentioned the school suggested moving me forward two to three grades. She chose to keep me with my age-mates, because I spent so much time already with older children. My sister and two cousins that were practically like sisters were all older than me. Mom thought that social development with people my own age was more important than learning things sooner. Actually, I was already learning things sooner. My mom tells me that every day when my three-years-older sister would come home from school, she'd have her own little school for me, where I would learn what she had learned that day. Because I already knew so much of what I was being taught in classes, school really was more of a social event for me, but I don't see that as a negative. I was also able to help some of my age-mates with their work, and I think being a "teacher" of sorts rather than always being taught was helpful as well. I happened to be going through my elementary and middle school yearbooks recently, and in my 8th grade one, one of my friends wrote a thank you for helping him through math, saying he would have failed otherwise.

If mom had mentioned the possibility of jumping grades to me at the time, I would have leapt at the chance, but I do think now she made the right decision. Even a gifted child is still a child, and doesn't necessarily know what is best. I have enough trouble with socializing, I think it would have been much worse if I spent so many years being the odd one out (in more ways than I already was) in my classes.

Should my daughter qualify, I won't hesitate to bump her a grade. I think I would have been much better off if I had skipped right through to college rather than wasting my time in high school and becoming bored and learning how not to study. As it was, I skipped 8th and 10th, and I'm glad of it.

Most of us would be social misfits regardless of our age parity without our classmates. Some kids compensate by hiding their intelligence at school, which I think is the greater shame. Better to get it over with earlier.

[1958Fury]

Originally Posted by Class Bravo

I skipped a grade and I wouldn't consider myself a misfit. I didn't really get along with my peers but I don't think that was because of the fact that I skipped a grade.

The mere fact that you're on this board, I think makes you a social misfit.