Obituary: Common Sense

[snopes]

Comment: i read this today. its credited to george carlin...true or false?

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Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.

Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math."

But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation.

He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.

Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

[musicgeek]

Gotta love how Carlin gets credit even for stuff that's 180 degrees opposite his personal politics. Given his numerous diatribes against orgainized religion in general, does anyone really think he's going to lament the dropping of the Ten Commandments from public life?

music "Thou shalt not kill... have you ever read the bible? A whole lotta killin' went on because God told somebody it seemed like a good idea at the time!" geek

[snapdragonfly]

I HATE that stupid thing. Ugh. Like some stupid rash, it just keeps coming back.

Yeah, rights suck. We hate rights. Rights are a bad thing.

[bjohn13]

Originally Posted by snopes

Comment: i read this today. its credited to george carlin...true or false?

I googled the first line of text, and I pulled up over 11,000 hits. I clicked on about 50, and the text was not attributed to anyone (let aone Carlin) on any of those sites. I also believe I pulled up about two dozen different variations of the actual text. When I googled Carlin's name along with the first line of text, I pulled up six hits, none of which remotely linked Carlin to the text.

If Carlin actually said it, he may have said it a little differently, but I'm going to go with "false" on this one.

This has crossed my inbox about a dozen times in the past couple of years, and I've seen it attributed to Dennis Miller and Louis Black. This is the first time I've seen it attributed to Carlin. It's seems that everything in my inbox is attributed to Carlin these days. I saw Carlin perform live recently, and I really had a hard time believing he actually said any of the things I heard him say.

Yes, it's gotten that bad.

[MapleLeaf]

I've read George Carlin's books, and he usually HATES it when people do the whole "good ol' days" thing. He'd bring up examples of how awful the "good ol' days" were.

[Tarquin Farquart]

Originally Posted by snopes

His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.

Wasn't there a thread about this on the old board and didn't we discover that the 6 year old wasn't charged with sexual harrassment at all?

[Kid Kilowatt]

This is undoubtably not George Carlin, but zero tolerance policies are asinine. Just as mandatory minimums and No Child Left Behind are asinine, anything that ascribes set penalties to something without ANY wiggle room for circumstance really does run counter to common sense.

[Esprise Me]

Funny, I would have thought common sense was behind such concepts as feminism, separation of church and state, regulations on toxic substances such as asbestos, and making lifesaving devices such as airbags mandatory. I don't see any contradiction in requiring a school to get parental consent to administer medication to a child in the absence of an emergency, but not permitting them to disclose medical information about a much older child (if she's pregnant, she's probably at least a teenager) unless the student were seeking an abortion from the school.

Also, how long has it been since the "nurturing of Prohibition Laws?" The 21st amendment passed in 1933; I believe decades passed before anyone started worrying about asbestos or airbags. Let it go, sweetheart! No one's taking away your precious liquor. But you might want to drink less of it before you start ranting on the internet.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

How telling that his wife and daughter are Discretion and Responsibility, while he and his son are Common Sense and Reason. How telling, also, that Rights and Tolerance are lumped in with Whiner.

[KathyB]

May have been written by Roger Cale in 2004. See Departed

[Bud]

The original author was Lori Borgman. Her article was first published in the Indianapolis Star in 1998 but has been reprinted numerous times since. It may (or may not) have been reprinted in the London Times at some point. See http://loriborgman.com/The_Death_of_Common_Sense.html