Welcome to Holland

[mcolakis]

This might have been discussed on the old board, but a search on the new one didn't turn up anything.

This was sent to us by our Academic Dean today. I find it kind of disturbing and I can't put my finger on why...maybe the implication that there's something wrong with Holland? It's supposed to be about ending up in a different place in life from the one we expected to be in but enjoying the "different" place anyway. Yet the whole situation of ending up in the "wrong" vacation spot is so preposterous that the analogy just seems dumb.

"Welcome to Holland"

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

[Tarquin Farquart]

I wonder what the Dutch think of this metaphor?

[Jay Tea]

But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

Is this before or after you get the taste of weed and hooker spit out of your mouth?

Like Italy is devoid of weed and hookers.

[Spam & Cookies-mmm]

I think the point is that there is nothing wrong with going to Holland. You just ended up in a place you didn't expect and hadn't planned for, and now you have to learn about, and learn to appreciate, the beauties there.

[Richard W]

Originally Posted by Spam & Cookies-mmm

I think the point is that there is nothing wrong with going to Holland. You just ended up in a place you didn't expect and hadn't planned for, and now you have to learn about, and learn to appreciate, the beauties there.

True, but it is being used as a metaphor for a child with a disability...

(eta) And the pain of going to Holland rather than Italy is something that will apparently never leave you.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Richard W

True, but it is being used as a metaphor for a disabled child...

Yes, by the parent of a disabled child. Technically there may be something "wrong" with that child, but the parent probably doesn't think of his/her child as defective.

[diddy]

Originally Posted by Spam & Cookies-mmm

I think the point is that there is nothing wrong with going to Holland. You just ended up in a place you didn't expect and hadn't planned for, and now you have to learn about, and learn to appreciate, the beauties there.

For which you can actually do something about. In the real world, you could sue the airliner for breach of contract. Dont forget the customs and passport issues your going to have.

Having a disabled child can't be undone like going to Italy an hour later on another flight. Its something that changes your life. This glurge makes it seeem that having a disabled child is an inconvenence to you.

did "lets not forget about the legality of filing a false fight plan" dy

[Spamamander]

Oh YAY! My absolute most hated glurge of all time!

I have often thought this glurge was written to make the people around the parents feel better, not the parents themselves. They could see this and say "ooh, look at the life journey these people are embarking upon". Trying to make it seem like it's tulips and windmills and soft breezes.

I had seen this glurge in "Dear Abby" and such over the years, but it never really made an impact on me, it didn't apply to my life or that of anyone around me. Then during the blizzard of 1996, when I was struggling to get between the hospital where my daughter was in NICU and home to be with my older child when technically nobody was supposed to be on the roads at all, and I was recovering not only from childbirth but from the sudden brick-wall of finding out my baby had Down syndrome... someone left this little goodie in a folder of special needs association contacts on my hospital bed.

You know what? I didn't feel like I'd flown to Holland instead of Italy. I felt like I'd embarked on a trip to hell. I thought I was being punished somehow. My ego felt as if my body betrayed me by giving me an imperfect child. I wished for some irrational moments that she had been stillborn, because then I could mourn and maybe move on. I spoke with my husband and my mother about giving her up for adoption because I didn't think we could raise a developmentally disabled child- and, shamefully, my irrational ego didn't want a "retarded" child and the social stigma that might go with it. I spiralled into post-partum depression. Holland, my ass.

It's still not exactly a vacation. I love my daughter with everything there is, and if course I wouldn't trade her for the world. Do I resent fate now and then? Of course. Do I still mourn for the child I didn't have- not for my sake, but for hers, that she wouldn't have to face so many obstacles in her life? Daily.

And no, there's no legal designer marijuana involved either. Completely unfair!

[DawnStorm]

Originally Posted by mcolakis

you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

.

Holland even has running water and electricity!

Dawn--bring me back some tulip bulbs, OK?--Storm

[Artemis]

When I first read it, I figured it was just another one of those examples of how being in a "different" place isn't so bad. The first example that came to mind was getting into a different college since the dean sent it. But if it's about a disabled child...it does seem pretty offensive. Especially to the Dutch!

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

This in particular seems so contradictory. Not going to Italy is so painful, you'll never get over it, never, ever EVER...but don't forget that Holland's great, too!

[Dutch Angua]

Ahhh...how lovely. My home country is becoming a metaphor for a disabled child...

And you must learn a whole new language.

Good luck with that...repeat after me: "Waar is de rosse buurt?"

Holland even has Rembrandts.

No!Way!

Originally Posted by DawnStorm

Holland even has running water and electricity!

YOMANK

[FloridaGirl]

Originally Posted by Dutch Angua

Good luck with that...repeat after me: "Waar is de rosse buurt?"

Are you trying to send them to bad places? Not everyone goes to Holland for prostitutes. Well, I didn't

[Dutch Angua]

Are you trying to send them to bad places?

Wouldn't dream of it

[llewtrah]

I suppose it ties in with the way the Dutch are often stereotyped as dull and boring, still wearing clogs and riding bikes while the country is flat (there are a few hills, my Dutch friends called them "the Dutch Alps"), wet and full of windmills.

The Netherlands may not be chock full of Roman ruins, Renaissance art or exciting cuisine, but it is one of my favourite places to visit and I used to go there often when I was seeing a Dutch guy. I began learning Dutch and because of similarities with both English and German I found it easier to read than Italian, but the pronunciation was trickier. Who needs fancy pasta dishes? There's nothing wrong with a dish of stamppot! The people are very open-minded, great debaters and very careful with their money.

[Pseudo_Croat]

^ Little Dutch girl smiley.

And wherever you go, don't eat the green brownies!

- Pseudo "isn't dat veird?" Croat

[Cervus]

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

Actually, barring being arrested or having problems with your visa/passport, you don't have to stay in Holland. You can leave or travel somewhere else.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

American college students. Their language is easy to learn. It's mostly "Duuuuuude!"

[DawnStorm]

[quote=Cervus;15933]Actually, barring being arrested or having problems with your visa/passport, you don't have to stay in Holland. You can leave or travel somewhere else.

QUOTE]


No! Really??!! Say it isn't so!!
Perhaps the glurger was arresting for inciting mass nausea and was therefore stuck in Holland.

[ThistleS]

Originally Posted by Richard W

(eta) And the pain of going to Holland rather than Italy is something that will apparently never leave you.

Man, so many potential sigs on the board today. This one almost caused you to OMANK.

[One-Fang]

I don't see the problem with it. Sorry. I even put my home in place of Holland and I'm not offended.

I don't think the writer was intending to choose a place that is "worse" than another place, just a place that wasn't the other place. The whole point of the missive is that having a disabled child isn't in anyone's game plan, but it isn't all bad, it opens up a new world that you would never have known about.