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Old 08 April 2018, 06:34 AM
E. Q. Taft's Avatar
E. Q. Taft E. Q. Taft is offline
Join Date: 30 July 2003
Location: San Diego, CA
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Default The NFL’s plan to protect America from witches

Witches, man. Just when you thought we were safe from their malignant influence on America’s virtue, the NFL has proven we are still in real danger from their dark powers. It is fortunate for our country’s moral fiber that the NFL has kept current in their reading, channeling Heinrich Kramer’s 1487 tome, Malleus Maleficarum (“The Hammer of Witches”), which was the go-to DIY text in many countries for conducting witch trials and public executions. As a result, an estimated 40,000 to 50,000 witches were put to death, about 80% of which were females. Why so many women? Kramer explains that it’s because a woman “is more carnal than man, as is clear in connection with many filthy carnal acts”. He believed that the sexual desire men felt when looking at a woman who was not their wife was due to the vixen casting magic spells to tempt them. As punishment, these sexual sirens must be, if not beheaded, drowned, or hanged, at least fired from their cheerleading jobs.
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Old 08 April 2018, 07:16 AM
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crocoduck_hunter crocoduck_hunter is offline
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Location: Roseburg, OR
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It's not often that I'll say that someone needs to tone down the snark, but the... overly flamboyant writing made it harder to follow than was necessary.

The way that the NFL treats its cheerleaders is a serious problem, though, both in the heavy restrictions placed on them and the lack of pay.
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Old 08 April 2018, 08:31 PM
St. Alia St. Alia is offline
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Location: St. Paul, MN
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I had to go read it again because I didn't remember it being flamboyant. I still don't find it to be that way, so I think it's a MMV's thing.

I really liked the article and thought it was very well written. I'd like to see more from him.
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Old 08 April 2018, 08:51 PM
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Ali Infree Ali Infree is offline
Join Date: 02 February 2007
Location: Colliers, WV
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Kareem Abdul Jabbar has also written a couple of histories, including the Harlem unit of tank destroyers who were part of the 3rd Army (Patton) during WWII. I think his viewpoint on this, and on professional sports is terrific.

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Old 09 April 2018, 02:51 AM
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crocoduck_hunter crocoduck_hunter is offline
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Flamboyant's not really the adjudicative I want, but I can't think of a better one. It just felt like there was a lot of superfluous and over the top writing that distracted from the real point.
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Old 09 April 2018, 01:29 PM
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Alarm Alarm is offline
Join Date: 26 May 2011
Location: Nepean, ON
Posts: 5,785

These powerful Citizen Kanes – isolated from contemporary American culture by wealth and self-importance – still think of the country as it appears in old-fashioned Archie comics, where teen hijinks rule the day, not the current version in the TV series Riverdale, where Archie has sex with Ms Grundy.

oh man... the snark, it burns!

ETA: spoiler He should have also mentioned where Mr. Lodge (the Citizen Kane of Riverdale comics) is in prison for embezzling....

Last edited by Alarm; 09 April 2018 at 01:36 PM.
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