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  #21  
Old 09 October 2012, 02:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auntie Witch View Post
Agreed - I don't see anyone targeting parenting skill here. I also don't like the insinuation that non parents aren't welcome here. I think that the advice here is valuable to anyone who encounters kids, or is considering having kids, or who might one day have kids.
I think it's a good place for people who don't have much experience of kids to learn some stuff that will help them if and when they do encounter/spend time with kids.
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  #22  
Old 09 October 2012, 02:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Ramblin' Dave View Post
It's also really touching to see how many parents here are concerned about their children's feelings, apologizing when they were in the wrong and such.
It is always amazing to me how many parents want their kids to do things, but the parents themselves never do it.
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  #23  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
I think it's a good place for people who don't have much experience of kids to learn some stuff that will help them if and when they do encounter/spend time with kids.
Non-parents participating in these kinds of threads could be problematic if they approached it in a "now I'm going to tell you how you should be raising your children" kind of way but I've yet to see that here. In my real life? Hoo boy have I seen that.
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  #24  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:10 PM
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It is not just non-parents who do that.
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  #25  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Chloe View Post
It is not just non-parents who do that.
Oh sure and that's a whole separate rant (and something I also don't see here much, especially now that the Great Breastfeeding Wars have run their course) but it's especially galling when mean spirited pseudo advice comes from someone who has no idea what being a parent is actually like. Hint: kids don't come with an on and off switch. Believe me I looked!
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  #26  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:16 PM
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I've seen it as much from other parents* as from non-parents, and mostly I wasn't interested in hearing it from either, unless I'd asked for advice. The exception would be people to whom I am close, whose unasked-for advice I'd accept (if not welcome), under certain circumstances -- and that goes for any topic.

When I was seeking parenting advice, much as I value the experience of other parents, there were times when a complete outsider -- not only to my family, but to parenting in general -- offered an interesting perspective.

*ETA: It was mostly other parents who, with probably the best of intentions, weighed/butted in on my daughter's choice to wear only black for a couple of years in her early to mid-teens.
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  #27  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:18 PM
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That's exactly it, asking for advice is one thing, having someone tell you what you are doing wrong and why when, frankly, you weren't doing anything wrong in the first place is exasperating - and something I don't see happening here.
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  #28  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:23 PM
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It's exasperating when anyone offers unsolicited advice or makes a parent feel like they're doing something wrong simply by making a choice that different than what they made. Being a non-parent makes no difference.
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  #29  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sue View Post
Oh sure and that's a whole separate rant (and something I also don't see here much, especially now that the Great Breastfeeding Wars have run their course) but it's especially galling when mean spirited pseudo advice comes from someone who has no idea what being a parent is actually like. Hint: kids don't come with an on and off switch. Believe me I looked!
You know, most non-parents aren't totally clueless about children. We don't need those kinds of hints.
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  #30  
Old 09 October 2012, 03:46 PM
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As a parent and, well, a person, I agree with these statements:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzarina View Post
Being a non-parent makes no difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chloe View Post
You know, most non-parents aren't totally clueless about children. We don't need those kinds of hints.
I don't really understand the whole parent/non-parent distinction going on here. A lot of non-parents have as much or more parenting experience (and other relevant experience) than some parents.
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  #31  
Old 09 October 2012, 04:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ganzfeld View Post
A lot of non-parents have as much or more parenting experience (and other relevant experience) than some parents.
Not everything in these threads is directly related to raising or interacting with children, but still touches on raising a family. The whole reason I even follow 'm is because it was slow one night and I glanced through, only to find someone asking a question about a specific kind of birth control/sterilization procedure. Having gone through the method in question (thus leading to that whole "not a parent" part) and walked away with fantastic results, I shot a reply with my perspective on it vs. the more traditional cutting, burning, and snipping route. I've gone right back to lurking (and occasionally squeeing over adorably baby photos) until something else interesting comes up.
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  #32  
Old 09 October 2012, 07:53 PM
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Data point: before we adopted lil miss, friends would come to me asking for suggestions because I was the one who had the time and inclination to read all those different parenting books and sift through the chaff.

It probably helped that I would come from the position of 'I have no clue if this actually works, but have you heard the theory that....?'

Running joke was that I had 20 theories and no kids, which would doubtless change to having 20 kids and no theories...

I must have missed the great breast feeding debate. As someone who did all kinds of stupid things to try to be able to breastfeed, and ended up a happy bottlefeeder, I feel sad that there's another layer of inadequacy that goes on. As with most things parenting, we make the decisions we make based on the situation, resources and options we have, and that should be enough, surely?

I love seeing/hearing happy breastfeeding stories as much as I love seeing well nourished babies, from whichever source.
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  #33  
Old 09 October 2012, 08:20 PM
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I get unsolicited advice about Zoey sucking on her fingers more than any other issue. I don't think it's more non-parents than parents giving me advice, it seems about equal. We're not looking for advice, we figure she'll stop when she's ready.
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  #34  
Old 09 October 2012, 08:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
*ETA: It was mostly other parents who, with probably the best of intentions, weighed/butted in on my daughter's choice to wear only black for a couple of years in her early to mid-teens.
In this case, the butting-in actually bugged me more coming from parents, because I (perhaps unreasonably) expected them to understand the concept of picking one's battles, especially where teenagers are concerned, even if the battles I picked were not those they would have picked.
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  #35  
Old 10 October 2012, 05:58 AM
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How do you pick an OB?
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  #36  
Old 10 October 2012, 06:35 AM
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Ask friends. I initially saw the same guy my mother did but I didn't like him. I asked around and got of couple names. Depending on the practice you might end up seeing more than one doctor through a pregnancy because of how they take turns being on call. If you prefer a certain hospital make sure the doc has privileges there.

Don't choose this guy.
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  #37  
Old 10 October 2012, 05:27 PM
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We've gotten some recommendations from friends, but finding one that is on our insurance is difficult. So I'm looking at ones that are on our insurance, but don't know how to pick among those.
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  #38  
Old 10 October 2012, 05:29 PM
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Does Angie's List operate in you area? I'd also try Googling with doctor's names and the word "review" as I would for any other product or service (and follow the usual precautions in evaluating the results).
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  #39  
Old 10 October 2012, 05:30 PM
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Check to see if any of them have yelp reviews. Also, a lot of private practice doctors will have some kind of "getting to know me" list of bullet points, either on their website or if you call their office.
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  #40  
Old 10 October 2012, 06:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by erwins View Post
We've gotten some recommendations from friends, but finding one that is on our insurance is difficult. So I'm looking at ones that are on our insurance, but don't know how to pick among those.
I was going to post "I picked one that took my insurance." but I didn't think that was the kind of advice you were looking for.

Seriously, we now have insurance that is accepted almost everywhere, but when I was pregnant the first time we were with an insurance company that only had a few providers in the area. I actually had an OB/GYN already, but when I got pregnant I discovered that they'd dropped my insurance and never told me. I then had to scramble to find someone else. Luckily it worked out great and I'm still with that office.

We had a similar experience trying to find a pediatrician short after Neill was born, when the doctor we'd chosen refused to see us after we were released from the hospital. We called up the only other place that was accepting new patients and took our insurance, and got in the same day. We ended up with a doctor that is turns out is highly recommended, but we were so desperate we would've taken him to Dr. Nick.
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