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  #41  
Old 11 April 2015, 11:45 PM
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Anyone have any experience of Exposure and Response Prevention therapy? We're tackling the food issues as part of the OCD, as pretty much everyone involved has independently come to the conclusion that in my case they are so closely interwoven that they cannot be meaningfully separated.
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  #42  
Old 02 May 2015, 06:31 PM
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Making a lot of progress. I have been able to dramatically reduce or in some cases stop my health, appearance and food-related checking and my symmetry-related compulsions. I am now eating regular-sized meals with a variety of foods, and am even able to have small portions of popcorn, cheese, chocolate, or soda without having to "undo" it by purging.

I have not been so successful with scarier food like cake or chips. I am struggling to find the balance between being motivated enough to get better, and not getting overwhelmed and burning out. My therapist keeps having to rein me in, because I keep trying to tackle too much too quickly...
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  #43  
Old 02 May 2015, 07:03 PM
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Good for you, Silkenray!
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  #44  
Old 04 May 2015, 02:20 AM
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What wonderful news! Good for you!
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  #45  
Old 04 May 2015, 03:42 PM
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Hang in there, Silkenray, and listen to your therapist.
Seaboe
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  #46  
Old 08 May 2015, 10:15 PM
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Feeling a bit discouraged at the moment. My dad's cancer has come back, which is making everything harder. I'm not making much progress right now, just fighting not to lose ground.
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  #47  
Old 12 May 2015, 03:53 PM
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Fighting not to lose ground can be progress, especially under these circumstances. So sorry to hear about your father.

Please continue to keep us posted.

Seaboe
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  #48  
Old 28 May 2015, 06:53 PM
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I've been able to maintain my gains, and now that we have a solid foundation of just eating enough food and not obsessing too much over it we've finally moved on to tackling the purging directly.

I haven't purged for a full week now, and have been eating normal portions the whole time. I will maintain this for another week, before exposing myself to "unhealthy" foods like cake or fries. I might even have pizza

I am, frankly, kinda scared. Of cake. Cake scares me. Fries terrify me. Pizza fills me with existential dread. How nfbsked up is that?! I guess that's why this is a disorder.

It also feels really really weird to have "eat cake" be an actual part of my therapy. It's really hard explaining it to other people, because they don't see eating cake as being something unpleasant that you have to learn to tolerate. It kind of feels like this just an excuse I'm making up to be gluttonous. But I know it's not.

I was seriously unwell. For several months my lunch every day was 10 slices of cucumber and 6 cherry tomatoes with a little balsamic vinegar - no olive oil, because oil is fat and fat raises cholesterol and high cholesterol causes heart disease and heart disease can kill you so putting oil on my tomatoes would basically amount to poisoning myself. Plus I was purging after almost every meal, while going out for a run every day. I was constantly run-down physically, picking up every opportunistic illness, and barely making it through the day without falling asleep at my desk.

So nfbsk the part of my brain that is trying to guilt me for this. Eating the cake is an important part of my therapy, which my actual trained professional therapist is telling me to do. Cake may not be good for you in excess, but a couple weeks of having "unhealthy" food more regularly than you'd normally have it is still a damned sight healthier than the myriad ways having an eating disorder can harm or even kill you.
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  #49  
Old 28 May 2015, 07:19 PM
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I'm glad to hear you've made progress. Don't listen to that part of your brain, eat that cake!
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  #50  
Old 28 May 2015, 07:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
I am, frankly, kinda scared.

So nfbsk the part of my brain that is trying to guilt me for this. Eating the cake is an important part of my therapy, which my actual trained professional therapist is telling me to do. Cake may not be good for you in excess, but a couple weeks of having "unhealthy" food more regularly than you'd normally have it is still a damned sight healthier than the myriad ways having an eating disorder can harm or even kill you.
Listen to the part that's saying nfbsk this. I'm glad to hear you're making progress. I was listening to my sister talk about the daughter of a friend (who is anorexic) and thought of you and how hard you're fighting.

I'm proud to be your imaginary friend, Silkenray.

Seaboe
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  #51  
Old 29 May 2015, 12:31 AM
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Re: the cake issue:

Can you eat a cupcake or did she specify that it had to be an actual cake? Because I can't imagine eating a cake by myself, but at the same time, I know I shouldn't be talking about this. My history of Major Depressive Disorder does not automatically make me an expert on all mental illnesses, anymore than having a acid reflux makes you able to diagnose and treat stomach cancer.
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  #52  
Old 29 May 2015, 12:47 AM
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I had the impression from the posts it was just to have some cake, not an entire cake, whether layer or bundt or cup.
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  #53  
Old 29 May 2015, 01:18 PM
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Yeah, I didn't think she meant her therapist told her to eat an entire cake.
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  #54  
Old 29 May 2015, 06:52 PM
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Not a whole cake, just some cake. If my therapist had told me to eat a whole cake, I think I would have had some questions...

Heck, even cake specifically is not a requirement. Basically I am supposed to be eating foods that I have placed in the "ermagherd, eating this is like eating poison!!!!111eleventy" box. Chips, pizza, burgers, sauerkraut, tinned soup, ready meals, egg mayonnaise, fried rice, Caesar salad... Just writing that made me a little panicky!
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  #55  
Old 29 May 2015, 07:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
egg mayonnaise,
Is there such a thing as non-egg mayonnaise? I thought egg was a major ingredient.

Seaboe
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  #56  
Old 29 May 2015, 07:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
Not a whole cake, just some cake. If my therapist had told me to eat a whole cake, I think I would have had some questions...

Heck, even cake specifically is not a requirement. Basically I am supposed to be eating foods that I have placed in the "ermagherd, eating this is like eating poison!!!!111eleventy" box. Chips, pizza, burgers, sauerkraut, tinned soup, ready meals, egg mayonnaise, fried rice, Caesar salad... Just writing that made me a little panicky!
Tomato soup cake!!



On a less dire note, keep at it, Silkenray. Keep yourself getting healthy.
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  #57  
Old 29 May 2015, 07:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
Heck, even cake specifically is not a requirement. Basically I am supposed to be eating foods that I have placed in the "ermagherd, eating this is like eating poison!!!!111eleventy" box. Chips, pizza, burgers, sauerkraut, tinned soup, ready meals, egg mayonnaise, fried rice, Caesar salad... Just writing that made me a little panicky!
Just out of curiosity, and if you don't mind answering, why sauerkraut?
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  #58  
Old 29 May 2015, 08:58 PM
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Egg mayonnaise is UK-ese for egg salad.

Sauerkraut was on the list because it tends to be high in salt - at least the stuff I can get here.
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  #59  
Old 01 June 2015, 03:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
Sauerkraut was on the list because it tends to be high in salt - at least the stuff I can get here.
Well, that makes sense. Sauerkraut is pickled cabbage. Every recipe I've seen includes quite a bit of salt.

Thanks for the translation of egg-mayonnaise, Silkenray

Seaboe
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  #60  
Old 01 June 2015, 03:26 PM
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I thought it might be the salt, but I wasn't sure.

Speaking of sauerkraut, I was eating some yesterday and the Cheeto cat came begging. I held a piece of it out to him, assuming he'd react the way he does to beer -- the cat equivalent of a yucky face. He surprised me by actually trying to eat it. But then it fell on the floor. I tried again later and he was uninterested, but still not repulsed.
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