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  #101  
Old 04 January 2016, 05:53 PM
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It will make things really shitty for the first month, because increasing dose always gives me insomnia and increased anxiety at first. Then it will help.

Brain doc asked if I wanted a higher dose last time, but I didn't think med adjustment over Christmas sounded at all good...
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  #102  
Old 04 January 2016, 06:30 PM
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I guess people are pretty used to me being private and/or not excellent at small talk. I'm pretty certain that even when I was single and living alone I could answer the "how was your holiday?" question with "It was great, how about yours?" and have the conversation move on.

I do remember some awkwardness at one of my first jobs, and at school, in answering the "what did you get?" question. I hated that one, because I never got as expensive or extravagant gifts as my friends did, and for a long time I felt awkward about that.
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  #103  
Old 07 January 2016, 07:02 PM
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Moved up my appointment with brain doc to next Friday. I am wholly expecting a dose increase.
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  #104  
Old 08 January 2016, 02:10 PM
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Is there a crossed fingers icon? If there were, I'd use it. Have a dog instead.

Good luck.

Seaboe
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  #105  
Old 14 January 2016, 08:47 AM
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Really glad I've moved up the appointment. It's been a rough week. Nothing particularly horrendous has happened. A bit of drama with a leaky pipe necessitating an emergency plumber, and some difficulty with public transportation delays and cancellations due to weather, but nothing amazingly awful. Nope, it's 90% my brain just being a jerk. I am so fatigued at the moment that getting up the single flight of stairs to my flat after a day of working is difficult.
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  #106  
Old 14 January 2016, 01:37 PM
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An accumulation of a lot of little things can be very wearing in itself.

Imaginary people on the Internet are rooting for you. (In the American sense of the phrase.)
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  #107  
Old 15 January 2016, 03:10 PM
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I have a higher antidepressant dose, some sleeping pills to ease the transition, and a note from my doctor recommending a week off work and a phased transition back to work afterwards.

Why do I feel like a failure? I'm doing what I need to in order to look after my mental health.
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  #108  
Old 15 January 2016, 03:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
Why do I feel like a failure?
Because your brain is still lying to you. :-) I hope the new meds and the rest help you feel better soon.
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  #109  
Old 15 January 2016, 04:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
Why do I feel like a failure?
As Lainie said: that's a symptom. As you said: you're doing your best to treat the cause.

If you know other people who are treating you as a failure: they're expecting you to do the equivalent of running races on a broken leg. Do your best to ignore them.
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  #110  
Old 01 February 2016, 06:11 PM
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Nope, the only one treating me like a failure is me.

The insomnia is gone. The higher dose isn't helping yet, but as it's been only a couple weeks I wouldn't expect it to. Still fatigued. Still battling OCD and disordered eating. Still feeling like an awful human being.
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  #111  
Old 02 February 2016, 01:02 AM
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As others have said, you're not a failure. You're doing the best you can to handle a crappy situation.

Hang in there; I know that the weeks waiting for a medication to kick in are some of the hardest. You're doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.
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  #112  
Old 02 February 2016, 02:21 PM
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I'd like to focus on the good news, here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silkenray View Post
The insomnia is gone.
Insomnia alone can cause all sorts of muddled thinking, and getting rid of it should help ease the stress (even though you don't feel it yet). So glad you're sticking with this. Hope the meds kick in soon.

Seaboe
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  #113  
Old 04 February 2016, 04:35 PM
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"Gone" is a bit optimistic. I sleep like a rock when I take something to help me sleep, but have lingering drowsiness the next morning. When I don't I struggle a bit to get to sleep and wake up a few times. It's been difficult finding the right balance. So during the week I rotate nights with zolpidem, nights with melatonin, and nights with nothing, and go with nothing on weekends, so I don't develop tolerance.

I had my first whole day back in the office today, and I'm ridiculously drained from it.
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