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  #21  
Old 25 July 2014, 01:27 AM
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Beachlife! Beachlife! is online now
 
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The husband should just save $12 and send them a copy of what they signed.
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  #22  
Old 25 July 2014, 02:04 AM
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Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
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Yes, I understood that; my most recent post wasn't clear. I think I should have said didn't they know why they were there despite having not read the papers they signed?
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  #23  
Old 25 July 2014, 02:06 AM
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Believing what they wanted to believe and ignoring everything else, I guess.
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  #24  
Old 25 July 2014, 02:12 AM
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I gotta be honest, I find it hard to believe that four different men, all who were interested in money they think their mother had, showed up at a meeting involving her estate, paid no attention to what was said and then signed away their rights to said estate without even glancing at the document.
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  #25  
Old 25 July 2014, 02:14 AM
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Precisely Beach. They are either all incredibly stupid, or naive.
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  #26  
Old 25 July 2014, 04:45 AM
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I don't get it either. They're not a stupid bunch. This happened 3 years before I came on the scene and only 2 of them are making a fuss about an inheritance.

I don't know my BILs well, but my gut is telling me one of them is driving this, via his wife. They are incredibly well-off, but my sister-in-law is incredibly paranoid about being left poor, to the point they are money hoarders.

My husband and brothers grew up in incredible poverty -- his parents arrived in Canada with nothing after the German occupation of the Netherlands during WW2. There was a point that their father visited an orphanage with thoughts of putting the 3 oldest boys there because he simply couldn't afford to feed them.

Once the youngest was about high-school age their father finally found his niche in financial services and he started bragging about how much money he was making. I think time has made most of the boys forget how incredibly poor they were has children and hope made them believe when their father talked about being rich, they believed him?

I don't know.

I agree a lot of it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and that's where I'm frustrated. If everything added up, I'd find it a lot easier to step aside. But all I know for sure us that there is no money coming from mom, that her care has cost well over the size of her estate, that we are the only family members that have seen her/paid attention to her within the past few months, and that my husband is aching at both the loss of his mother and the lack of support from his brothers.
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  #27  
Old 25 July 2014, 04:58 AM
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Hero_Mike Hero_Mike is offline
 
 
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"Making money" as a banker and "earning money" for one's self can be too different things. People may handle thousands or even millions of dollars of other people's money, yet still only make a "good" salary. Not all people in financial services earn a commission or performance-based bonus. Could it be that your brothers-in-law misunderstood what was being said here? Could it be that your father-in-law did too good of a job of protecting his children from either feeling or worrying about their own poverty?
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  #28  
Old 25 July 2014, 05:40 AM
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The more you add to the story the more it seems like there are some serious pieces missing? Is his mother close to 90? Did they have one of those 'split' families where he is much older than his younger brothers? Even five years can make for completely different perceptions of lifestyle.
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  #29  
Old 25 July 2014, 05:50 AM
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His mother is in her 90s, yes, and he is 4 years older than his second youngest brother. He was born in the Netherlands and his brothers were all born in Canada.

I'm trying to put together all of the information but I'm really not sure what to do or ask at this point. If it weren't my husband, I would back the hell away, but I want to support him however I can.

ETA: Maybe the best way I can support him is to ask about the holes in the story? I don't think hub is hiding anything from me, but he's obviously incredibly biased.

Last edited by Plurabelle; 25 July 2014 at 05:57 AM.
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  #30  
Old 03 August 2014, 05:12 AM
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To revisit, a few points I think I made poorly earlier:

*My husband requiring his brothers pay the $2-3 fee to get the accounting is not about cost, but about effort/interest (they can all well afford it, it's more an issue of "do you really care?").
We have plenty of copies on hand but his brothers like to bluster but then not even put out the slightest amount of effort to learn or do anything regarding mother and hub. We probably have more than enough copies to go around already and would happily pay for more, but the dynamic is such that us giving them things, even cheap documents, is adding to the toxic nature of the relationship.

*One brother has been informed of the stroke which means now they all have been. I've since not spoken to any of the brothers at all. Even though the stroke was minor, the brothers communicating with us seem gobsmacked. There is absolutely no way short a lawsuit that my hub would be overridden or usurped in his role. He is also doing MUCH better since starting speech therapy. It was a micro-stroke-- TIA -- his thoughts are fine but he needs help with verbal expression and since we've been working with a therapist he's come miles and miles.

*After discussing everyone's input here we've agreed I'll be absent but that some sort of obligation to me needs to be clear -- at this point we're thinking that him saying he needs to be in MI by Aug 15 (which he does, for some city hall crap) will get them going.

I have to be back in Toronto by late August for an immigration review (sched Aug 25). If I pass I get to join the 5 year line for a work visa. Meanwhile it's a 90 day wait for hub to get a work visa here and I've already lined up several work projects for him once it's legal.

Meanwhile I wrote my representative about the bureaucratic BS preventing my divorce and subsequent marriage and things have been progressing really well since.

ETA: She is 85, not 95. Getting the more mature ladies in my life mixed up (ladies on my side of the family rarely die before hitting 3 digits).

ETAA: Hub was always an artist and besides having 4 years between him and his next bro, while the rest were 10-11 months apart, was always assumed to be gay because he was a puppeteer and adored the arts and had no girlfriends. He had his flings etc but was never in a serious relationship until his 40s, and she died of leukemia before they could marry. He and I connected and to say it took us all by surprise is an understatement. He is in his mid-50s and while this is only his second really serious relationship, we are happy as clams.

Last edited by Plurabelle; 03 August 2014 at 05:23 AM.
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  #31  
Old 03 August 2014, 06:07 AM
Balzac Balzac is offline
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
I'd pay the $3 and get the records for them myself just to get the big reveal over with. They're never going to believe him until they see the records (if then), and if there's a big to-do about it (which seems likely), better it happen before your MIL passes then right after. Y/HMMV.
I totally agree. Being proactive and sending the brothers the records will hopefully quell any ideas they have (however erroneous) that your husband is keeping the records from them. People can spin things in amazingly kooky ways --- his request for them to procure the records themselves may be misinterpreted as reluctance on his part. Good luck with all this.
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  #32  
Old 03 August 2014, 10:11 PM
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Everything else aside, here is what I am confused by. If his mom is 85, she was a child during the German occupation of the Netherlands. She became and adult, got married and had a kid before moving to Canada some 15 years later. It seems like something isn't right with that timeline.

I only bring this up because, I wonder if your husband is giving you the whole story, or maybe he doesn't know it himself. It just seems to me that his narrative of his childhood isn't exactly correct, which btw is entirely normal.
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  #33  
Old 04 August 2014, 02:18 PM
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Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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Beach, I can't see any holes in that timeline. My father was born in 1928. In other words, he was 17 at the end of WWII.

Hub's mother was born in (probably) 1929 or 1930. That makes her 15 or 16 in 1945. From the timeline given, Hub wasn't born right at the end of the war, but his mother was certainly old enough to have children then.

Seaboe
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  #34  
Old 04 August 2014, 02:26 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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I'm with Seaboe, I don't see the issue with the timeline. Plurabelle's MIL had married and had a child by the time she was 30 or 31 -- hardly unusual, especially 50-60 years ago.
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  #35  
Old 04 August 2014, 02:36 PM
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Simply Madeline Simply Madeline is offline
 
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I don't think Beachlife's issue is with the mother's age so much as:

Quote:
his parents arrived in Canada with nothing after the German occupation of the Netherlands during WW2.
and

Quote:
he is 4 years older than his second youngest brother. He was born in the Netherlands and his brothers were all born in Canada.
and

Quote:
He is in his mid-50s
Someone in their mid-50s was born in the late '50s / early '60s, not during or immediately after WWII.
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  #36  
Old 04 August 2014, 03:18 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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Yes, but Plurabelle didn't say how long "after the occupation of the Netherlands" her in-laws arrived. And Beach's post didn't say anything about Plurabelle's husband's age.
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  #37  
Old 04 August 2014, 04:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plurabelle View Post

I have to be back in Toronto by late August for an immigration review (sched Aug 25). If I pass I get to join the 5 year line for a work visa. Meanwhile it's a 90 day wait for hub to get a work visa here and I've already lined up several work projects for him once it's legal.
Will your husband be covered under your insurance when he is in the US or will he still be covered by Canadian health care? If the latter you might want to consider getting some additional coverage as I think there might be some gaps if he is working outside the country.
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  #38  
Old 04 August 2014, 06:20 PM
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Simply Madeline has it right. Her earlier posts made it sound like his parents were ruined by World War II, but they weren't adults until after the war ended which would have put their early adulthood in the boom years with a ten years of post war economy before their child was born. What they had or didn't have was surely affected by those ten years more than the German occupation of their childhood.

I'm not trying to nitpick his parents financial situation, but it sounds like the story he knows is not correct. These kind of different understanding of events is what often leads to huge rifts in families. That coupled with the fact that he has four other brothers all living in a different world of understanding says to me that his version of events is not entirely accurate.

From my own personal experiences the answer to such disputes is rarely as a simple as 'everyone else is just an obstinate ass who won't listen to the truth'.
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  #39  
Old 04 August 2014, 06:30 PM
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Were there boom years in the Netherlands right after WWII? If it was like much of the rest of Europe, it wasn't until the 1950s that things began to look up. Britain still had food rationing into the 1950s.
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  #40  
Old 04 August 2014, 06:35 PM
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From what I understand the boom happened in the 50 and 60s, so his parents would have been there through the first decade of it. According to Wiki, the boom was so big that they were actively encouraging people to immigrate into the Netherlands.

*ETA: The period beginning in 1950 is known as the “Golden Age” of the Dutch economy.
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