snopes.com  

Go Back   snopes.com > Urban Legends > Humor

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09 August 2007, 05:54 PM
Canuckistan's Avatar
Canuckistan Canuckistan is offline
 
Join Date: 27 March 2005
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 30,122
Icon101 Actual 9-1-1 calls

Searched, but couldn't find. Feel free to chow as necessary.

------------------------

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police
.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09 August 2007, 06:07 PM
DemonWolf's Avatar
DemonWolf DemonWolf is offline
 
Join Date: 24 April 2002
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 13,114
Spit Take

Sadly, I could see a few of these as real. After dealing with the public for many years I can honestly say the the public can be pretty dumb.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10 August 2007, 03:53 AM
moonlight's Avatar
moonlight moonlight is offline
 
Join Date: 30 August 2000
Location: Chicago
Posts: 3,216
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonWolf View Post
Sadly, I could see a few of these as real. After dealing with the public for many years I can honestly say the the public can be pretty dumb.
Oh yeah. I used to be a 911 dispatcher...there are a lot of dumb people I can assure you!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10 August 2007, 04:09 AM
Eddylizard's Avatar
Eddylizard Eddylizard is offline
 
Join Date: 15 June 2006
Location: Tonbridge, Kent, UK
Posts: 17,857
Default

I thought that just happened over here.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/w...re/3349215.stm

Quote:
In the last few days WYMAS has received calls from a man who stubbed his toe, a woman who wanted an ambulance for a dead cat in the road and a child whose mother told her to ring 999 and ask if Santa was there because the child was annoying her.

Christmas calls of shame

A woman upset after an argument with a friend
A man who tried to pull his tooth out with pliers
Someone who lost their keys
Or
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...1/ai_n12877648

Quote:
-A woman calling 999 to ask how long she should cook her turkey - she was worried about poisoning her family

-An angry supermarket shopper who had got fed up of waiting for a taxi.
Or
http://999service.com/

Quote:
Examples of frivolous telephone calls to police include a woman reporting a cat "intruding" into her house, a man trying to find the nearest Chinese takeaway and another asking if his lost 20 note had been handed in.

Last edited by Eddylizard; 10 August 2007 at 04:15 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09 August 2007, 06:39 PM
Seaboe Muffinchucker's Avatar
Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
Join Date: 30 June 2005
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 18,423
Glasses

Quote:
Originally Posted by Canuckistan View Post
Searched, but couldn't find. Feel free to chow as necessary.

------------------------

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
I believe this caller is suffering from self-deception.

Seaboe
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10 August 2007, 12:38 AM
Bombfixer
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Lets not forget this classic from Detroit, Michigan circa 1997:

Dispatcher: 9-1-1..What is your emergency?

Caller: Its my friend. He is not breathing, I think he is dead.

Dispatcher: Sir, try to stay calm. We need to make sure he is dead.

Caller: Ummm, okay (moments later a loud noise is heard over the phone)

Dispatcher: Sir, is everything ok? What was that nosie?

Caller: You just told me to make sure he was dead. I just shot him

Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10 August 2007, 01:43 AM
TB Tabby TB Tabby is offline
 
Join Date: 13 January 2004
Location: Bolingbrook, IL
Posts: 1,769
Default

These can all be found in a book called "What's the Number For 911?" Just the tip of the iceberg, too...

"911. Fire or emergency?"
"Neither. My son was bothering me. Just wanted to let you know."

"911. What's your emergency?"
"It's my old lady. She's gone crazy!"
"What's the problem, sir?"
"She's tearing through the house, throwing sh-t around. Broke out a g--d--- window with my f-----g bowling trophy. She said she's going to kill me, man. F-----g hell, I believe her too!"
"Does she have any weapons?"
"Well, she has real long fingernails."

"When is the Cinco de Mayo celebration?"
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10 August 2007, 04:00 AM
robbiev's Avatar
robbiev robbiev is offline
 
Join Date: 27 September 2005
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 3,122
Default

Quote:
ispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

This one I doubt. I've seen it and heard it as a joke for years, but hey, who knows?

I'm sure they do this everywhere, but locally, there are a few billboards for 911 that show someone doing somthing (like changing a tire, or a picture of a cat in a tree) and the caption says "Problem? Yes. 911 emergency? No."

There have seen a couple of local commercials (using local celebrities) saying they really get calls for flat tires and cats in the tree and other non-emergency problems. That's not quite the same as the OP, but it's still dumb.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10 August 2007, 04:24 AM
moonlight's Avatar
moonlight moonlight is offline
 
Join Date: 30 August 2000
Location: Chicago
Posts: 3,216
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by robbiev View Post
There have seen a couple of local commercials (using local celebrities) saying they really get calls for flat tires and cats in the tree and other non-emergency problems. That's not quite the same as the OP, but it's still dumb.
And that's nothing. At least they need real assistance...for the flat tire I can understand if say a woman traveling alone might want a police escort so she is not at the mercy of some creep on a dark road alone at night, not necessarily someone to change the tire...and the cat one, well I blame tv. People always call the fire dept to get their cat out of a tree in sitcoms and kid's movies.

People call for much, much dumber stuff. One of the last days I worked someone called and said he was at the mall filling out a job application and he forgot his driver's license and he wanted me to give him his driver's license number. Of course he didn't come right out and tell me this, I figured it out after questioning him for a good five minutes.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10 August 2007, 10:36 AM
stalker stalker is offline
 
Join Date: 10 July 2006
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 2,020
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bombfixer View Post
Lets not forget this classic from Detroit, Michigan circa 1997:

Dispatcher: 9-1-1..What is your emergency?
Caller: Its my friend. He is not breathing, I think he is dead.
Dispatcher: Sir, try to stay calm. We need to make sure he is dead.
Caller: Ummm, okay (moments later a loud noise is heard over the phone)
Dispatcher: Sir, is everything ok? What was that nosie?
Caller: You just told me to make sure he was dead. I just shot him

Well, Spike, Milligan circa 1950.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10 August 2007, 12:20 PM
Algae's Avatar
Algae Algae is offline
 
Join Date: 02 September 2002
Location: Southeast Michigan
Posts: 4,740
Default

Dearborn police officer after eating brownies he'd made with pot

Here
Sanchez:I think I'm having an overdose. and so is my wife.
911: Overdose of what?
Sanchez: Marijuana...
Sanchez: We made brownies. and I think we're dead. I really do...
Sanchez: Time is going by really, really, really slow...
Sanchez: What's the score in the Red Wings game?
911: I've got no clue, i don't watch the Red Wings.
Sanchez: I just wanted to make sure this isn't some kind of hallucination I'm having.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10 August 2007, 12:37 PM
DemonWolf's Avatar
DemonWolf DemonWolf is offline
 
Join Date: 24 April 2002
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 13,114
Wolf

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlight View Post
And that's nothing. At least they need real assistance...for the flat tire I can understand if say a woman traveling alone might want a police escort so she is not at the mercy of some creep on a dark road alone at night, not necessarily someone to change the tire...and the cat one, well I blame tv. People always call the fire dept to get their cat out of a tree in sitcoms and kid's movies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robbiev View Post
But this is what they say people call for. Not, "It's 3:00 and I'm stuck at Third and Mclemore by myself," but instead, "Please send someone out to change my tire" or "Please send someone to tow my car to the repair shop" or "Please send someone to come pick me up and take me home" or even "I'm drunk and can't drive and I need a ride home."
Unless you are in immediate danger of life and limb, you should not be calling 911 (or the local equivelant in your area). It's 3am and I'm scared is a matter for you to report on a non-emergency number. Since you obviously have a phone (or esle you couldn't dial 911), call information and ask to the non-emergency number for the local police. But wanting a police escort because it is late and you are scared is not an emergency.

OTOH, it's 3am, I'm all alone, and there's a guy following me, could be an emergency and it is ok to call 911 to get help.

You can call the fire department to get your cat out of a tree, but you must call the non-emergency number and it is up to their discretion where they help you.

Sadly, way too many people do not understand the difference between "personal crisis" and "life and limb emergency." To put it short, if you cannot identify an immediate threat, then you do not need 911 and you are wasting resources that could be better spent saving a person's life.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 13 August 2007, 11:50 AM
Floater's Avatar
Floater Floater is online now
 
Join Date: 24 February 2000
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 6,821
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by stalker View Post
Well, Spike, Milligan circa 1950.
1951, to be precise.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 13 August 2007, 05:47 PM
Neffti
 
Posts: n/a
Default

999 call I have dealt with...

(caller with strong Cornish accent) "Az been a car crash outside my house"
me "Is anyone hurt?"
caller "No but he's stuck 'cross the road and he can't shift."
me "Okay, I will send a unit right now. Where are you calling from?"
caller "Genorny, Folornyscrawny Road, Prurnthurnaruwurble."
me "Can you repeat that more slowly please?"
caller "Genorny, Folornyscrawny Road! Prurnthurnaruwurble!"
me "Okay. Just the name of the village, slowly, please."
caller "Prurnthurnaruwurble!"
me. "Perrenarworthal? Praze-an-Beeble? Perrenzabuloe?"
caller "No! PRURNTHURNARUWURBLE!"
me "Okay. I can't understand you. Can you spell the name of the town?"
caller "No, I can't spell."
Me "....Okay. Is there anyone else there who can tell me where you are?"
caller "No."
Me "Right. Do you know your postcode?"
caller "No."
Me. "Right. Did you get any post this morning?"
caller "Yar."
Me "Can you get one of the envelopes and bring it to the phone?"
caller *pause* "Yar."
Me "Okay. Can you see a line of letters and numbers at the bottom of the address?"
caller "Yar."
Me "Great. That should tell me exactly where you are. Can you read them out to me one at a time?"
Caller "Yar. C... O... R... N... W... A... L... L..."

Luckily the next envelope had a postcode on it.

ETA - "I think there's an intruder downstairs!" - "Okay, where are you calling from?" - "The wardrobe in my bedroom!" happened fairly often, too. Quite understandable when someone is frightened. I usually remembered to ask "What is your address?" rather than anything more open, but still got caught out now and then.

Last edited by Neffti; 13 August 2007 at 05:56 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 21 September 2008, 04:34 PM
rockstar1976 rockstar1976 is offline
 
Join Date: 10 April 2007
Location: Niagara, Ontario
Posts: 147
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bombfixer View Post
Lets not forget this classic from Detroit, Michigan circa 1997:

Dispatcher: 9-1-1..What is your emergency?

Caller: Its my friend. He is not breathing, I think he is dead.

Dispatcher: Sir, try to stay calm. We need to make sure he is dead.

Caller: Ummm, okay (moments later a loud noise is heard over the phone)

Dispatcher: Sir, is everything ok? What was that nosie?

Caller: You just told me to make sure he was dead. I just shot him

that's an old Peter Sellers routine
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 22 September 2008, 09:07 AM
Floater's Avatar
Floater Floater is online now
 
Join Date: 24 February 2000
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 6,821
United Kingdom

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockstar1976 View Post
that's an old Peter Sellers routine
Sort of. It's from the Goon show, written by Spike Milligan and performed by Michael Bentine and Peter Sellers.

It has also been voted the best joke ever.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...9/ai_n16482339
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 16 November 2008, 03:36 PM
rockstar1976 rockstar1976 is offline
 
Join Date: 10 April 2007
Location: Niagara, Ontario
Posts: 147
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Floater View Post
Sort of. It's from the Goon show, written by Spike Milligan and performed by Michael Bentine and Peter Sellers.

It has also been voted the best joke ever.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...9/ai_n16482339
that's kinda what I meant. I first heard it when it was voted best joke, and it was attributed to Sellers in the newspaper here
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 03 January 2008, 03:27 PM
STF STF is offline
 
Join Date: 14 June 2001
Location: Newnan, GA
Posts: 7,681
Default

I had a cousin call 911 because he couldn't find his toys.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 30 July 2008, 10:47 AM
Judecat's Avatar
Judecat Judecat is offline
 
Join Date: 24 January 2004
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 717
Default

In Baltimore, years ago before 911, the number to dial if you needed police or fire was 222-3333. Unless they have changed things in the last 5 years, that is still a working number for non-emergencies -- at least that's the number they answered when I called about barking dogs and stoned teens keeping me awake all night.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 30 July 2008, 04:44 PM
Odd Tree
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
IIRC, the local police aren't allowed to give "rides." If an officer has come to the scene for some reason, they will usually wait with you, but they won't take you anywhere.
Is this true for highway patrol as well? Because when I had my car accident the cop took me to a pizza place(where he was going to have lunch) instead of sending me in the tow truck. My parents could have just as easily picked me up from the tow yard but I think he was worried about sending me alone with the tow truck driver.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:06 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.