snopes.com  

Go Back   snopes.com > Urban Legends > Glurge Gallery

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10 February 2010, 04:46 PM
snopes's Avatar
snopes snopes is offline
 
Join Date: 18 February 2000
Location: California
Posts: 109,644
Icon18 Muslim hitman's hand stayed by Christ

The evangelist, Andrew, stared into the gun, wondering why the man didn’t
fire. The assassin grew frustrated, then frightened, and finally he fled
from the room.

The phone rang, and Andrew found himself talking to the man who had come
to kill him minutes earlier.

“The Muslim leaders offered me a big reward to kill you,” the would-be
assassin explained. “I rode across Bangladesh to come to your office. The
reward was mine. I was ready to shoot, but I couldn’t move my arm. I
couldn’t pull the trigger.” The evangelist praised the Lord for
protection.

Andrew found it somewhat comical. “So what can I do for you now?” he
asked.

“Sir, I still can’t move my arm, and it’s because of you! Can you help
me?”

Right on the phone Andrew prayed, and instantly the man regained full use
of his arm. Astounded by the miracle, he returned to the evangelist’s
office and began to ask questions about this “Jesus” of whom the Muslim
leaders seemed to be afraid.

The evangelist patiently explained the good news of Jesus’ love, even
offering tea to the man who’d come to kill him. After forty-five minutes,
the man prayed to receive Jesus into his own heart. The former hit man’s
ministry now is to destroy the works of the devil. To this day, he is a
fellow missionary in Bangladesh.

The assassin’s would-be murder attempt was a comedy in errors. If it were
a movie, the audience would have cheered aloud when the protagonist,
Andrew, came onto the scene. Like any good movie hero, Andrew did not just
defeat his enemy’s plans. He confounded them, even to the point of having
tea with the hit-man-turned-convert. This was not going according to plan.
The devil constantly has to go back to the drawing board to rethink his
plans for our destruction. Andrew was not a victim of his circumstances,
and neither are you. If he had been shot, his death also would have been a
witness, and so will you. Unlike the devil’s schemes, God’s plans for your
life cannot be thwarted.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10 February 2010, 04:47 PM
Chloe's Avatar
Chloe Chloe is offline
 
Join Date: 13 September 2004
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 39,316
Default

I vote fake.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10 February 2010, 04:49 PM
DesertRat's Avatar
DesertRat DesertRat is offline
 
Join Date: 02 May 2004
Location: Jacksonville, NC
Posts: 6,282
Default

Quote:
“The Muslim leaders


Like it's the ****ing Legion of Doom or something, with a secret headquarters in the swamp...
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10 February 2010, 04:58 PM
AnglRdr's Avatar
AnglRdr AnglRdr is offline
 
Join Date: 06 June 2002
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 50,681
Default

What is a "would-be murder attempt?"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10 February 2010, 05:03 PM
mela681's Avatar
mela681 mela681 is offline
 
Join Date: 16 May 2007
Location: Duncan, OK
Posts: 1,607
Default

Um, there would be the fact that Jesus is a prophet in Islam. So if the would-be killer were a devout Muslim, he would know about "this Jesus person."

Man, why don't they do some research before they write glurge
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10 February 2010, 05:03 PM
fitz1980 fitz1980 is offline
 
Join Date: 27 May 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 4,625
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
Right on the phone Andrew prayed, and instantly the man regained full use
of his arm. Astounded by the miracle, he returned to the evangelist’s
office and began to ask questions about this “Jesus” of whom the Muslim
leaders seemed to be afraid
Muslim leaders aren't afraid of Jesus. They don't believe that he's the son of God. But Jesus is mentioned in The Koran as a prophet.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10 February 2010, 05:13 PM
Wolf333's Avatar
Wolf333 Wolf333 is offline
 
Join Date: 12 August 2006
Location: Oxford, OH
Posts: 3,206
Default

Quote:
If he had been shot, his death also would have been a witness, and so will you
So glurge wins either way. This game is so rigged.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10 February 2010, 05:33 PM
Photo Bob's Avatar
Photo Bob Photo Bob is offline
 
Join Date: 08 February 2008
Location: Venice, FL
Posts: 2,508
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
The former hit man’s
ministry now is to destroy the works of the devil.
As a Muslim terrorist was he not already trying to destroy the works of the devil by killing infidels?

As a hit man would he not have had a backup plan?

If God could stop this one act of violence, could hir not stop all such acts?

Photo "Just playing Devil's advocate." Bob

Last edited by Photo Bob; 10 February 2010 at 05:34 PM. Reason: Left out a word
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10 February 2010, 06:08 PM
TrishDaDish's Avatar
TrishDaDish TrishDaDish is offline
 
Join Date: 22 February 2004
Location: Portsmouth, RI
Posts: 7,751
Default

Quote:
Astounded by the miracle, he returned to the evangelist’s office and began to ask questions about this “Jesus” of whom the Muslim leaders seemed to be afraid.
So Jack Chick is writing glurge now? Weren't the cartoon tracts of people who are clueless to who Jesus is not enough?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10 February 2010, 06:20 PM
Eddylizard's Avatar
Eddylizard Eddylizard is offline
 
Join Date: 15 June 2006
Location: Tonbridge, Kent, UK
Posts: 17,857
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mela681 View Post
Man, why don't they do some research before they write glurge
This is something that has yet to be explained to us mere mortals.

Quote:
Right on the phone Andrew prayed, and instantly the man regained full use
of his arm. Astounded by the miracle, he returned to the evangelist’s
office...
...and with full use of his arms regained, shot Andrew dead.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11 February 2010, 07:12 AM
Cyrano's Avatar
Cyrano Cyrano is offline
 
Join Date: 01 September 2005
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 2,906
Default

... six months later, Andrew and the hitman married. They now live as a happy couple.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11 February 2010, 07:53 AM
Squirt's Avatar
Squirt Squirt is offline
 
Join Date: 16 February 2007
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,115
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
Like any good movie hero, Andrew did not just
defeat his enemy’s plans. He confounded them, even to the point of having
tea with the hit-man-turned-convert.
Hang on, Andrew did jack all - he just stood there whilst God stopped the gunman. Way to go claiming all the credit, Andrew. He'd be the suckiest movie hero ever.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11 February 2010, 10:25 AM
kitap's Avatar
kitap kitap is offline
 
Join Date: 20 January 2001
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 9,739
Whalephant

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
... six months later, Andrew and the hitman married. They now live as a happy couple.
Best outcome! You win!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11 February 2010, 03:28 PM
Cyrano's Avatar
Cyrano Cyrano is offline
 
Join Date: 01 September 2005
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 2,906
Default

Thank you. I thought this story of a hitman who couldn't bring himself to shoot, and then the bit about the two drinking tea and becoming best buddies and fellow missionaries included more than a little romantic sub-text.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 12 February 2010, 06:33 AM
SatansHobbit's Avatar
SatansHobbit SatansHobbit is offline
 
Join Date: 31 May 2006
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 3,762
Australia

But he always had the annoying voice of Allah in his head, "I was testing you. You should had just headbutted him to the ground, then finished him off with your Dockers."
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 12 February 2010, 08:12 PM
rumorbuster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I read this story years ago in one of the "Jesus Freaks" books. It looks like Voice of the Martyrs' Christian Persecution Blog posted it online recently. ]

** Disclaimer: This comment is in regards to the origin of the story, not it's validity.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 14 February 2010, 12:01 AM
sciencelovesyou
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
.
The devil constantly has to go back to the drawing board to rethink his
plans for our destruction.
Well, maybe if the Devil would stop using those ACME brand traps he'd finally catch the Road Runner. Or Jesus.

... come to think of it, they both walk on water.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 16 February 2010, 06:36 AM
black roses19's Avatar
black roses19 black roses19 is offline
 
Join Date: 09 September 2005
Location: Muncie, IN
Posts: 2,200
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rumorbuster View Post
I read this story years ago in one of the "Jesus Freaks" books. It looks like Voice of the Martyrs' Christian Persecution Blog posted it online recently. ]

** Disclaimer: This comment is in regards to the origin of the story, not it's validity.

Huh. I've got both of those (are there still only two?) around here somewhere. They're even signed by Toby Mac and Michael Tait themselves! Not that other guy, though. He was useless. Anyone who says commercialism and idolatry isn't alive and well in the Christian music industry is fooling themselves.

Anyway. I didn't remember reading this one in there. I'll have to leaf through those someday and see what other absurdities lie within their pages.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 01 March 2010, 09:03 AM
Rhysdux Rhysdux is offline
 
Join Date: 02 December 2006
Location: West Hartford, CT
Posts: 40
D'oh!

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
The evangelist, Andrew, stared into the gun, wondering why the man didn’t fire.
Assassin: That's what happens when you buy old weapons from military surplus.

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
The assassin grew frustrated, then frightened, and finally he fled from the room.
Assassin: Forget killing this guy with a malfunctioning gun! I'll drive a truck bomb into his office at church instead!

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
The phone rang, and Andrew found himself talking to the man who had come to kill him minutes earlier.
Assassin (thinking out loud): On second thought, bombs are so last century. I'll kill him with an acoustic weapon that uses infrasonic sound--while he's on the telephone!

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
“The Muslim leaders offered me a big reward to kill you,” the would-be assassin explained.

Assassin, thinking to himself
: Let's see if he believes that there's this worldwide cadre of Muslim leaders.

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
“I rode across Bangladesh to come to your office. The reward was mine.
Assassin: Well, not until I killed you and brought the guys who put the bounty on you proof of your death...but I digress.

Quote:
I was ready to shoot, but I couldn’t move my arm. I couldn’t pull the trigger.”
Assassin: I hope he never saw the episode of House where this happens, or he'll know I'm lying through my teeth.

Quote:
The evangelist praised the Lord for protection.
Assassin: I'm pretty sure my paralyzed arm has nothing to do with condoms.

Quote:
Andrew found it somewhat comical. “So what can I do for you now?” he asked.

“Sir, I still can’t move my arm, and it’s because of you! Can you help me?”
Assassin: He's never gonna believe that I have him confused with Gandalf...wow. He DID.

Quote:
Right on the phone Andrew prayed, and instantly the man regained full use of his arm. Astounded by the miracle, he returned to the evangelist’s office and began to ask questions about this “Jesus” of whom the Muslim leaders seemed to be afraid.
Assassin: It's not like this idiot is going to know that according to the Koran, Jesus is a saint and a prophet. My equipment is too broken-down to kill him, but I can still mess with him using mind****ery.

Quote:
The evangelist patiently explained the good news of Jesus’ love, even offering tea to the man who’d come to kill him.
Assassin: I didn't tell him that drinking of boiling water is, according to the Koran, one of the punishments that disbelievers suffer in Hell.

Quote:
After forty-five minutes,
Assassin: Which I spent wondering where my backup was.

Quote:
the man prayed to receive Jesus into his own heart.
Assassin: That I might have been, oh, lying through my teeth never even occurred to the infidel.

Quote:
The former hit man’s ministry now is to destroy the works of the devil.
Assassin: As it has ever been. As it says in the Koran, "Those who believe do battle for the cause of Allah; and those who disbelieve do battle for the cause of idols. So fight the minions of the devil."

Quote:
To this day, he is a fellow missionary in Bangladesh.
Assassin: ...for the cause of radical Islam. My former target still hasn't figured that out.

Quote:
The assassin’s would-be murder attempt was a comedy in errors.
Me: I believe that's supposed to be a comedy OF errors.

Quote:
If it were a movie, the audience would have cheered aloud when the protagonist, Andrew, came onto the scene.
Me: Feh. Andrew didn't do anything except answer the telephone. A toddler can do that.

Quote:
Like any good movie hero, Andrew did not just defeat his enemy’s plans. He confounded them, even to the point of having tea with the hit-man-turned-convert.
Me: I grant that he had tea with the assassin, but he didn't confound anything. According to Andrew's way of thinking, God confounded everything. Andrew, like Moses in Exodus, just took the credit for God's work, which is not supposed to be a very good idea. And according to my rewrite, Andrew was just too dumb to realize that the assassin had changed tactics quickly when he realized that what he was doing at first wasn't working.

Quote:
This was not going according to plan.
Me: Yes, but whose plan?

Quote:
The devil constantly has to go back to the drawing board to rethink his plans for our destruction. Andrew was not a victim of his circumstances, and neither are you. If he had been shot, his death also would have been a witness, and so will you. Unlike the devil’s schemes, God’s plans for your life cannot be thwarted.
That sounds like the writer is trying to have it both ways. The Devil in this case was foiled, but if the Devil hadn't been foiled, then it would have been God's plan for the Devil to win, which means that God allows the Devil to win sometimes, regardless of the impact that has on human souls. Which has unfortunate implications.

Also, I now have an image of one of the Assistant District Attorneys from Law & Order calling Death as a witness.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 26 April 2010, 12:48 PM
TrishDaDish's Avatar
TrishDaDish TrishDaDish is offline
 
Join Date: 22 February 2004
Location: Portsmouth, RI
Posts: 7,751
Default

Quote:
The devil constantly has to go back to the drawing board to rethink his plans for our destruction.
Really? You'd think someone who's been doing this since the beginning of time would be a bit skilled at this by now.

Quote:
Unlike the devil’s schemes, God’s plans for your life cannot be thwarted.
So you're saying that God's plan for some people is to be murdered or raped or dying of alcoholism? That sucks. Makes God sound like a petty jerk.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Obama = anti-Christ snopes Politics 103 13 November 2013 10:24 PM
The 27 Characteristics of the Anti-Christ Altered Statesman Religion 62 28 March 2011 08:16 PM
Muslim Demographics snopes Politics 7 28 April 2009 10:52 PM


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:43 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.