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  #41  
Old 13 June 2013, 08:53 PM
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Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
That's where intent comes into it. If her intent in telling others is to punish him, then it is morally wrong. If her intent is to inform (legitimately), complain, etc, then it is okay.
What if her goal was to reform him?
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Originally Posted by JoeBentley View Post
It's not irony so much as a double standard. It's like arguing that if someone shoots you should be able to dig the bullet out and shoot their mother.
But she didn't make a sexual pass at his mother.
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  #42  
Old 13 June 2013, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
This is okay:
A: What's the deal with you and C? You always leave if he shows up?
B: He's creepy. We were chatting about the weather and he sends me a picture of his junk.
Exactly - even if telling his mother about it was an appropriate response, you don't need to forward the photo to do that. (Assuming she actually did, rather than simply pretending she was going to do so.) It's just as much an unsolicited "flashing" photo when she sends it as it is when he sends it.

If you were reporting an incident of somebody flashing you to the police, I assume you wouldn't go into the police station and say, "And then he did this!" and take your clothes off...

And yes, of course that's "different", but physically flashing somebody is also different from sending somebody a photo of a penis. In the first case, the victim can't reproduce the circumstances exactly for somebody else. In the second case, they can.
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  #43  
Old 13 June 2013, 10:46 PM
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Originally Posted by JoeBentley View Post
In fact hey here's a fun idea. Let's reverse the genders make it a boyfriend, girlfriend, and a father. Not so funny now is it? Imagine the outrage if a guy forwarded a nude pic of his girlfriend to her father to get back at her.
except that's not 'reversing the genders' at all. that's an entirely different situation. this man was not her boyfriend. she did not consent to having illicit photos sent to her. you're trying way too hard to dredge up sympathy for the sexual harasser here and it's pretty creepy.

also, where are people seeing that the woman sent the picture itself to the man's mother? the article explicitly states that it is not known whether she sent the image or just screencaps of the convo and a description of what happened.

Quote:
According to the Daily Dot, the woman in question did indeed contact Trevor’s mom — no word as to whether she sent along the actual photo or just screen cap evidence of his textual repartee —
is there another article people are looking at that clarifies?

i'm seeing heaps of criticism of the woman who was harassed and total silence regarding the man who harassed her.
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  #44  
Old 13 June 2013, 11:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Spacegirl Spiff View Post
'm seeing heaps of criticism of the woman who was harassed and total silence regarding the man who harassed her.
You're not looking (listening) very well as people are pointing out that he was wrong. But since everyone seems to agree that he was wrong, we are discussing the parts where we don't agree.

Silence != condoning

ETA: And you are not seeing criticism of the woman who was harassed, you're seeing criticism of the woman who decided to involve an innocent third party in her issue.

PS. Can I channel Ryda here for a moment? Why is no one asking why it seems to be the mother's job to civilize her son? What about his father?
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  #45  
Old 13 June 2013, 11:45 PM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
And you are not seeing criticism of the woman who was harassed, you're seeing criticism of the woman who decided to involve an innocent third party in her issue.
I agree with what you're saying, but object to your pronoun. Isn't it "his" issue?

ETA
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Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
PS. Can I channel Ryda here for a moment? Why is no one asking why it seems to be the mother's job to civilize her son? What about his father?
That's fair. Would people object as much if it had been?
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  #46  
Old 13 June 2013, 11:53 PM
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I gathered from the OP that she sent it to his mother because she was able to figure out who she was thanks to Facebook. I wonder how everyone would feel if she'd discovered there was a wife and she'd sent it to her instead. Fair? Or no?
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  #47  
Old 14 June 2013, 12:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Spacegirl Spiff View Post
you're trying way too hard to dredge up sympathy for the sexual harasser here and it's pretty creepy.
Who here is promoting any sympathy for the guy? This isn't an either/or discussion. We're not talking about it as much because it's not a point anyone is really arguing. The point of debate is the involvement of the mother.

Just because I don't think getting sexually harassed gives you the right to bring third parties that had nothing to do with the incident into it doesn't make me a sexual harassment apologist.

And you don't necessarily have a right to "get back" at someone that has wronged you. It's one of those prices we pay for living in a society with laws. If she wanted to "get back" at him she should have sent the information to the police. What's his mother supposed to do?

Quote:
i'm seeing heaps of criticism of the woman who was harassed and total silence regarding the man who harassed her.
Well then you need to reread the thread.

Just because a crime was committed against her doesn't make her immune from criticism.

Last edited by JoeBentley; 14 June 2013 at 12:34 AM.
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  #48  
Old 14 June 2013, 12:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Spacegirl Spiff View Post
also, where are people seeing that the woman sent the picture itself to the man's mother? the article explicitly states that it is not known whether she sent the image or just screencaps of the convo and a description of what happened.
The screencaps of the conversation include the image - they're there in the article (cropped somewhat to remove his penis).

I don't think anybody knows whether she really sent anything to his mother. During the conversation, as detailed in the screen captures, she says she's going to send it all to his mother. (Did the OP article change, or did I see more extensive screen captures somewhere else?) The Salon article says that a Daily Dot article says that she sent the conversation to his mother, which we can reasonably assume means the screen captures.

Here's the Daily Dot article:

http://www.dailydot.com/lol/naked-le...mom-blackmail/

The original Tumblr account has gone away, so we can't see what the woman herself said about it, other than what she says she's going to do in the conversation itself. The source of the rest of the information the Daily Dot gave seems to have disappeared - it's not clear where that came from. Salon.com didn't get their screen captures from the Daily Dot article because they've got higher-res pixellation on the guy's face and avatar, so presumably Salon got it from Tumblr too. I'm pretty sure I saw a fuller version of all the screen captures somewhere, but not sure where now - I hadn't deliberately looked for any of this until just now.
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  #49  
Old 14 June 2013, 12:50 AM
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Originally Posted by JoeBentley View Post
Just because I don't think getting sexually harassed gives you the right to bring third parties that had nothing to do with the incident into it doesn't make me a sexual harassment apologist.
To clarify to those who don't understand the criticism of the alleged response (which I thought was clear enough), imagine that rather than sending her a picture of his penis, this guy had randomly flashed the woman in the park. She found out who he was, and who his mother was. Then she got a male friend, went round to the mother's house, and said "Do you know what your son just did?" and had the male friend flash the mother.

Not an exact match, because in that situation a) she needs the help of a male friend, and b) it's not the same person flashing. But it's the same offence - she got somebody to do to the guy's mother just what he had done to her, to somehow demonstrate that it was wrong.

The difference in the OP case is that she doesn't need anybody's help to do this, and she can provide exactly the same offensive image, rather than just a similar one.

(eta) I must admit, I am sceptical that any of it happened as described. The Salon article notes that it's an unusual "crotch shot" in that it's not just his penis, it's his whole body showing his face. The rest of the story wouldn't make sense without that, as his mother would have no way to know it was her son. (One would hope.) But why would he send a carefully set-up full body shot completely randomly like that? It doesn't really ring true, to me. I have no doubt that similar things happen to women frequently enough on-line, but I think this looks like a wish-fulfilment fantasy, rather than a real event. Especially with the high-minded "your / you're" correction in there too... that's almost a cliché these days.

That might just be to do with the format, though. Most screen captures of conversations on that horrible mobile phone messenger software with the speech bubbles come across as completely artificial to me. (Most of the "Damn you autocorrect!" conversations, for a start.)

Last edited by Richard W; 14 June 2013 at 01:02 AM.
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  #50  
Old 14 June 2013, 02:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Richard W View Post
But why would he send a carefully set-up full body shot completely randomly like that?
If you have never had to deal with the slimeball type that would do that, you are extremely fortunate and blessed. Treasure it always.
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  #51  
Old 14 June 2013, 02:43 AM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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It wasn't the same offense, though, because the victim wasn't making a sexual pass at the guy's mother. If she had sent her a sexualized, naked picture of herself, complete with bragging, insulting, and name calling, all with the intent of getting off on it, that would have been the same offense.
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  #52  
Old 14 June 2013, 02:52 AM
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What LadyLockeout said. I have zero problem believing the original picture came under the circumstances described. The world is full of people who get their jollies making women feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
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  #53  
Old 14 June 2013, 08:01 AM
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I'm finding your reasons for doubting the reality of the incident bizarre, Richard. Because you've never sent or received a full-body dick-shot it must be a set up of some sort?

While I don't know if what Aheartbeatchanged did was right or wrong, it seems to me that it was an action taken while she felt under attack, and many if us don't make the best choices at that time.
I also don't get why people are equating her sending the pic to his mother as equivalent to him sending it to her in the first place. He either intended her to get a "thrill" from it or was focused on getting a thrill himself. Sending the pic to the mother doesn't involve anyone getting or anticipating a thrill. Yes the mother is likely to be shocked, but by the knowledge of his behaviour rather than the sight of his dick, per se.
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  #54  
Old 14 June 2013, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Little Pink Pill View Post
I agree with what you're saying, but object to your pronoun. Isn't it "his" issue?
If by "issue" you mean "psychological flaw" then yes. I meant "issue" in the manner of "problem to be dealt with".

Quote:
That's fair. Would people object as much if it had been?
Hard to say. I don't think so as the bias is that the mother would be more horrified/tramatized to find out that about her son that the father would be. Which is of course based only on stereotypes as we don't know either of the parents.

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Originally Posted by Sue View Post
I wonder how everyone would feel if she'd discovered there was a wife and she'd sent it to her instead. Fair? Or no?
Don't know about anyone else, but I would say sending the picture to anyone with the intention of punishing/getting revenge on him would be wrong. Wife, parent, sibling, employer, pastor, etc.
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  #55  
Old 14 June 2013, 02:55 PM
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I wonder what the woman in the OP would do, if the mother turned out to be as much as a perv as her son?
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  #56  
Old 14 June 2013, 03:41 PM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
Hard to say. I don't think so as the bias is that the mother would be more horrified/tramatized to find out that about her son that the father would be. Which is of course based only on stereotypes as we don't know either of the parents.
I think you're right, though the opposite might be true if it had been a woman doing the flashing and a man reporting. A lot of this argument (in general) has been based on emotion, maybe even rather than stereotypes, because most people still don't want their parents ashamed of them, and they don't want them to suffer.
Quote:
Don't know about anyone else, but I would say sending the picture to anyone with the intention of punishing/getting revenge on him would be wrong. Wife, parent, sibling, employer, pastor, etc.
I agree and think this is the fairest approach to the issue. But as a wife, I would want this brought to me, no matter what the motive is, because I would be just as much a victim as the woman getting the texts.
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  #57  
Old 14 June 2013, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
PS. Can I channel Ryda here for a moment? Why is no one asking why it seems to be the mother's job to civilize her son? What about his father?
I don't think the point in sending it to his mother was for the mother to do anything all, it was simply to embarrass him and the threat of doing so with the detailed information to back up her ability to do so, seemed to scare him enough without her actually doing it.
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  #58  
Old 14 June 2013, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Little Pink Pill View Post
I agree and think this is the fairest approach to the issue. But as a wife, I would want this brought to me, no matter what the motive is, because I would be just as much a victim as the woman getting the texts.
In this specific situation it would not "just" be a question of finding out your husband is harassing another woman it would also be a case of you finding out he's been visiting dating sites. I can't imagine many women would appreciate being kept in ignorance of this because of some unwritten code that forbids telling on creeps.
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  #59  
Old 14 June 2013, 04:47 PM
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I'd want to know, too, if my husband were engaging in such behavior. I don't have a problem with "telling on creeps" and wouldn't forbid it by any means.

FTR, I would never suggest that it is wrong to "tell on creeps." Far from it. But I don't think every form of "telling" is equally appropriate.
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  #60  
Old 09 July 2013, 04:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyLockeout View Post
If you have never had to deal with the slimeball type that would do that, you are extremely fortunate and blessed. Treasure it always.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avril View Post
What LadyLockeout said. I have zero problem believing the original picture came under the circumstances described. The world is full of people who get their jollies making women feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
This. Sooo this.

I can't remember ever getting a unsolicited crotch shot that also included a face on I-phone messenger(I did receive 2 from a strange number without a face ) the number of people that send strangers crotch shots on Facebook, many including that choose to include their face in the photo, is astounding. Do they not think this through? At all? Dude? Your facebook account is connected to your friends, family, employers past and present, schools/universities, and possibly church! Maybe this isn't the best medium to harass people...

*Note)I do not agree with forwarding the pic to the mother, or anyone else aside from the police if the sender refuses to stop.
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