snopes.com  

Go Back   snopes.com > Non-UL Chat > NFBSK Gone Wild!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 28 April 2013, 09:33 PM
snopes's Avatar
snopes snopes is offline
 
Join Date: 18 February 2000
Location: California
Posts: 109,660
Icon220 A Real-Life Window Into How Virginity Obsession Hurts Teen Girls

The Lifetime reality series Preachers' Daughters shows what happens when families become fixated on "purity."

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/arc...-girls/275077/
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 29 April 2013, 01:38 AM
LadyLockeout's Avatar
LadyLockeout LadyLockeout is offline
 
Join Date: 09 May 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 7,178
Default

Reading that made me feel extremely ill.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 29 April 2013, 03:13 AM
queen of the caramels's Avatar
queen of the caramels queen of the caramels is offline
 
Join Date: 24 November 2005
Location: Quebec
Posts: 4,586
Royalty

made my 15 yo and 12 yo daughters feel ill as well..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 29 April 2013, 07:07 AM
Kallah's Avatar
Kallah Kallah is offline
 
Join Date: 19 July 2004
Location: Eau Claire, WI
Posts: 2,599
Default

Quote:
Take the example of purity rings—each of the daughters wear one at points in the show.
I'm sure there's someone - in fact, I'm sure there's thousands of someones - out there who, entirely by their own choice, after carefully considering all their options and the repercussions of each, decided that staying a virgin was 1) a huge life style choice that was right for them 2) that they wanted to make said choice without being pressured into it by friends, family, or society and 3) decided to announce that choice to the entire world with a ring. However, I have never met one of those people, despite having had to endure a sales pitch/emotional blackmail session each of my four years of high school. Every last person I met who did shell out the money for a ring (or their folks did) was wearing it because they felt pressured to, or were wearing it ironically*. Even the kids who were absolutely intending to remain a virgin until they were married (some of whom took a good deal of flak for that choice, too) felt pressured into wearing the rings; it was their choice, but they had no desire to flaunt it to the world. Surely someone is using the product as intended, right?

*There were shades of irony - and that's not really the right word in all the cases - ranging from "Eh, if I ever get a date I'm probably going to have sex, but this gets my parents off my back" to "I bought the ring to make my parents happy, despite the fact I'm already having sex" to the photo passed around of her hand clearly wrapped around her boyfriend's (or someone's) penis, ring plainly visible on her finger.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 29 April 2013, 11:53 AM
Avril's Avatar
Avril Avril is offline
 
Join Date: 07 August 2002
Location: Princeton, NJ
Posts: 10,547
Default

I've known some people who stopped wearing the rings because people asked lots of questions about them and they realized they didn't want to have discussions with strangers about their sex lives (or lack thereof, I suppose). This didn't cause any big stir.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 29 April 2013, 12:44 PM
BringTheNoise's Avatar
BringTheNoise BringTheNoise is offline
 
Join Date: 10 November 2003
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
Posts: 7,304
Default

Massively, massively off-topic, but I'm sorta amazed that Nikita Koloff not only still uses his ring name for preaching but also passed it on to his wife and daughters. Kayfabe is dead man! You were born in Minnesota, not Moscow, remember?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 29 April 2013, 01:54 PM
quink quink is offline
 
Join Date: 22 June 2005
Location: Calgary, AB
Posts: 3,193
Default

What I don't get is that no one seems to acknowledge that there's a middle ground between having teenage sex (not that I necessarily think that's the wrong thing to do for some people) and waiting until marriage. I'd have a little more respect for the message if it was "Wait until you're emotionally ready to add this factor into a relationship". I guess marriage is a much clearer line to define, and that makes it easier than having to have an icky, frank talk about sex with your kids, but the only choices aren't a) Teenage Slut or b) Pure as Snow on your Wedding Day.

That was the route my liberal atheist parents took with me and my siblings. I think we all turned out all right and have made good decisions with our various partners along the way. Back when my high school boyfriend wanted to have sex, I thought about it and decided that I wasn't ready. That didn't mean I had any intention of waiting until marriage, especially since the average first marriage age is around 30 in Canada. I wanted to wait until I felt a little more secure and confident in myself, felt a little more in control of my life, and, obviously, had a partner I wanted to sleep with (don't get me wrong - my ex was a great friend, but the fact that he ended up coming out of the closet the following year says something for my instincts there). Unfortunately, I think that rather than forcing people to hold off on sex until they're emotionally ready, saying 'Wait until marriage' can lead to a lot of very young people entering into what's supposed to be a lifelong contract before they're ready to make that commitment. It seems common in these circles for people to get married in their late teens or early 20s. If you're not emotionally mature enough (or with the right partner) to have sex, how on earth are you in the right place to tie yourself to that person for all of eternity? Having a signed piece of paper doesn't suddenly change that! It's not like going down to the courthouse and getting a marriage license would have made my high school situation right for me - I could have had 'church approved' sex, but I also would have been married to a gay man.

Really, I'd love it if we got to a point where most people were educated and self-confident enough that we could assume they were making the best choice for themselves. Someone having sex in their teens wouldn't necessarily be an immoral slut, and someone choosing to hold off until their 20s wouldn't have to be a prude with serious issues. I'll admit that I still have trouble wrapping my mind around the idea of entering into a marriage without having experienced what will be a very important part of the whole relationship (even if you only have one partner your entire life, I'd still see marriage as a step that happens after everything else - sex, housing, discussions about children and life goals - is in place), but if someone does choose to go that route, I'd like to think it's because the two partners mutually decided that that was best for their relationship rather than being shamed into it by threats of hell and sex placed on a mountain-high pedestal.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 29 April 2013, 02:02 PM
Lainie's Avatar
Lainie Lainie is offline
 
Join Date: 29 August 2005
Location: Suburban Columbus, OH
Posts: 74,585
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by quink View Post
What I don't get is that no one seems to acknowledge that there's a middle ground between having teenage sex (not that I necessarily think that's the wrong thing to do for some people) and waiting until marriage.
Our Whole Lives sort of does. I can't recall the exact words, but the curriculum says something to the effect that young teens are generally better off postponing sexual activity until they are more mature. It refreshingly doesn't suggest that there's a specific age or life event at which sexual activity magically, universally becomes appropriate for everyone.

Of course, only awful librul permissives like me enroll their kids in Our Whole Lives.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 30 April 2013, 02:38 AM
Auburn Red's Avatar
Auburn Red Auburn Red is offline
 
Join Date: 13 June 2010
Location: St. Louis area, Missouri
Posts: 2,140
Soapbox

I suppose I should get on my soapbox that I hate the concept of turning what should be a private conversation between these girls and their parents into an entertainment seen and heard by the many all in the name of "reality television," a complete contradiction in terms if ever there was one.

Oh look I just did.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 30 April 2013, 05:25 AM
crocoduck_hunter's Avatar
crocoduck_hunter crocoduck_hunter is offline
 
Join Date: 27 May 2009
Location: Roseburg, OR
Posts: 13,148
Default

The voyeuristic aspect of such shows is pretty revolting.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 30 April 2013, 07:15 AM
ganzfeld's Avatar
ganzfeld ganzfeld is offline
 
Join Date: 05 September 2005
Location: Kyoto, Japan
Posts: 23,789
Default

I totally agree. It's exploitive and, in this case, exploiting children who can ill afford an even more destructive growing environment.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 30 April 2013, 08:52 AM
damian's Avatar
damian damian is offline
 
Join Date: 14 April 2005
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 6,504
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BringTheNoise View Post
Massively, massively off-topic, but I'm sorta amazed that Nikita Koloff not only still uses his ring name for preaching but also passed it on to his wife and daughters. Kayfabe is dead man! You were born in Minnesota, not Moscow, remember?
He legally changed his name in 1988. Many wrestlers did this to keep the character's name if they changed to a different promotion. Often the name would be the property of the promoter, not the wrestler. IIRC, The Ultimate Warrior did the same thing.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 30 April 2013, 09:08 AM
Ramblin' Dave's Avatar
Ramblin' Dave Ramblin' Dave is offline
 
Join Date: 11 May 2005
Location: Singapore
Posts: 13,120
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kallah View Post
I'm sure there's someone - in fact, I'm sure there's thousands of someones - out there who, entirely by their own choice, after carefully considering all their options and the repercussions of each, decided that staying a virgin was 1) a huge life style choice that was right for them 2) that they wanted to make said choice without being pressured into it by friends, family, or society and 3) decided to announce that choice to the entire world with a ring.
In high school, I more or less planned on waiting until marriage - but I certainly didn't care to announce it to the world or even to my friends. I also remember being annoyed at the pledges to that effect, which always brought religion into the equation whereas that was not the case with my decision. (Which I ultimately didn't stick to, but that's another matter.)
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 30 April 2013, 02:55 PM
rujasu rujasu is offline
 
Join Date: 07 May 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,811
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by damian View Post
IIRC, The Ultimate Warrior did the same thing.
Pretty much, though he actually changed his name to "The Warrior" so he could use that name when he signed with rival WCW. So, he could be called "The Warrior" but not "The Ultimate Warrior." This was usually close enough that no one cared about the difference, but once or twice he or someone else would have to catch themselves. "And it's the Ultimate... uh... the Ultimate Challenge."

Also, from what I understand, Warrior is insane. Like, the character he plays on TV? That's not a character. He really acts like that. He's also a homophobe and believes in tinfoil-hat level conspiracies.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 30 April 2013, 03:13 PM
Ryda Wong, EBfCo. Ryda Wong, EBfCo. is offline
 
Join Date: 14 December 2005
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 24,027
Default

I never planned on "waiting until marriage," despite the fact that it was the only option presented to me growing up.

I'd have been FAR better off had someone explained to me healthy sexuality, self-respect, and stating my own desires. And I'm not the only one from a background like mine who would have been better off with that education.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 30 April 2013, 03:20 PM
Sue's Avatar
Sue Sue is offline
 
Join Date: 26 December 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 9,210
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by quink View Post
What I don't get is that no one seems to acknowledge that there's a middle ground between having teenage sex (not that I necessarily think that's the wrong thing to do for some people) and waiting until marriage.
I think more families than not do exactly that. Parents IME are realists and they know that it's extremely unlikely that their kids are going to wait until marriage before they have sex. Most of the parents I know personally are just happy if their kids wait until they're out of their teens before they present mom and dad with a grandchild.

Anyway middle ground, common sense approaches to life don't tend to make for good reality TV. Which is too bad. People like watching train wrecks it would seem.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 30 April 2013, 03:56 PM
crocoduck_hunter's Avatar
crocoduck_hunter crocoduck_hunter is offline
 
Join Date: 27 May 2009
Location: Roseburg, OR
Posts: 13,148
Default

How do you think Jerry Springer managed to stay on the air for so long?
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 30 April 2013, 04:00 PM
Sue's Avatar
Sue Sue is offline
 
Join Date: 26 December 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 9,210
Default

And even with Springer gone (he is gone?) there is no shortage of shows that have similar set-ups. "Who's the baby daddy" seems like an eternally popular theme with much screaming, bleeping of profanity and throwing of chairs. And that's just what I see as a I am flipping the channels .
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 30 April 2013, 05:19 PM
Sylvanz's Avatar
Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
Join Date: 23 June 2001
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7,968
Default

I agree with Sue. Most parents now are pretty open with their kids regarding sex and waiting until they are really ready. I thought one of mine would never be ready and was pretty happy when that kid found someone. No one should go through life without a partner(s) because of fear and anxiety.

My parent's generation, now is a different kettle of fish. My mother was convinced until the day she died that I was a virgin when I got married. I think she knew somewhere but denial ain't just a river in Egypt especially where my mom was concerned.

As far as this show? It's really disgusting that anyone would put their lives on display, but that seems to be the way things are now. Maybe I am old fashioned, but whatever sexual choices you or your kids make should be between/up to you, your kids, your family, or family court depending. Private lives shouldn't be public entertainment. It's just so...ugh!
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 30 April 2013, 05:28 PM
Lainie's Avatar
Lainie Lainie is offline
 
Join Date: 29 August 2005
Location: Suburban Columbus, OH
Posts: 74,585
Default

As with so many other things, the reasonable approach doesn't get much attention, partly because it is more common than the extremes, and partly because it doesn't make good TV.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Teen girls beat woman for fun at school bus stop A Turtle Named Mack Police Blotter 1 16 January 2013 03:27 PM
An urban myth and its real-life understanding snopes Urban Legends 34 28 August 2012 01:32 AM
Local underground bestseller ‘Smidgens’ a window into Southern life snopes Snopes Spotting 0 04 October 2009 12:06 AM
Real-life urban legend: Woman says assailant hid in her SUV snopes Crime 0 14 September 2007 04:11 PM
A real-life mystery: The hunt for the lost Leonardo snopes History 1 15 February 2007 10:51 AM


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:02 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.