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Old 11 March 2018, 06:14 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Glasses Question for those who moved: did you get homesick?

If so, how did you handle it?
The background: DH and I have made the painful decision to leave the DC area. We simply cannot afford to live here, and even if I were to get a full time job, money would still be tight. I'm tired of stressing out about expenses, tired of worrying about my lack of a nest egg, just plain tired of the stress. After much research and actual sight-seeing, DH and I have decided to move to North Carolina. The Raleigh-Durham-Cary area looks really nice and from what I can see, we can easily afford a house with enough left over for investment and a nest egg.
One part of me is looking forward to starting a new life, but a part of me is afraid that I will regret the decision. It's not like I'm moving to the dark side of the moon, but I'm afraid I'll be homesick. Any advice?
I don't want to wait around while Amazon decides where to move. Considering the traffic congestion and the high cost of living, it would not surprise me if Amazon chooses someplace else for its HQ.
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  #2  
Old 11 March 2018, 06:17 PM
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Sue Sue is offline
 
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I moved around a lot as a child and a fair bit as an adult and I'm probably not the best person to answer this but I am more homesick now for some of the places we lived fairly short term than I would be if we moved from where we are now - and we've been here over 15 years on and off! I'm actually looking forward to retirement and getting out of the city (although Ottawa is a small town compared to DC!!).

The best advice I can give you is to do exactly what you seem to be doing, focus on the positives of your move and remember that "home" is always a car ride (or train trip or plane ride) away if you need to reconnect.
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Old 11 March 2018, 06:27 PM
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Beachlife! Beachlife! is offline
 
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I moved around a lot growing up. Its always a little rough at first, because nothing is familiar, but if you set your mind to settling in, it will happen with time. Eventually you will have things you love about both the DC area and North Carolina.
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Old 11 March 2018, 06:41 PM
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Is it possible for you to first rent in the new place before committing to buying? That might make it easier for you to tell, not really whether moving from where you are is the best choice, but whether you're picking the right area to move to. You may also be able to get a better idea of specific neighborhoods, and for that matter of specific neighbors.

-- Some part of me is still homesick for the house I grew up in, and which I haven't lived in for 49 years. But I love the place I'm living in now, too. And that residual homesickness isn't something that messes up my life.
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  #5  
Old 11 March 2018, 08:58 PM
RichardM RichardM is offline
 
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We just moved from Sachse TX (we seldom admit to it being Dallas) to out here. DW had developed a real hate for the Dallas area although I rather liked it. We are making new friends in our old sport with the SCCA. DW loves her new job most of the time. So far the only thing we both really miss is the new big Kroger grocery store that was only a mile from the old house.
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Old 11 March 2018, 09:24 PM
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UEL UEL is offline
 
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I've lived a lot of places. I've moved a lot as a child and as an adult.

I still get homesick.

But, I also know that I am missing my experiences there rather than the places themselves.

I would recommend finding a few things that are comfortable for you in the new place. Comfort foods and experiences make blending into the new place quite well.

And, we will still be here to help you adjust.
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Old 12 March 2018, 12:03 AM
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WildaBeast WildaBeast is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachlife! View Post
Eventually you will have things you love about both the DC area and North Carolina.
I moved to California from North Carolina in 2005. There were a few little things I missed about North Carolina after I moved here -- the lower cost of living, Calabash style seafood, pulled pork barbecue, rain during the summer, thunderstorms. But I quickly found things I really like about California, too -- good Mexican food, In-N-Out burger, the general bike friendliness of this town and its commitment to preserving green space.
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  #8  
Old 12 March 2018, 01:03 AM
dfresh dfresh is offline
 
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I have moved several times, and I don't get homesick. You will be close enough that you can go back to visit anyone you miss, and there will be a lot of new adventures down in the Carolinas.
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  #9  
Old 12 March 2018, 04:14 AM
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Errata Errata is offline
 
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I moved to California when I graduated college, after growing up in a small rust belt town in Upstate New York. I sooo did not get homesick. I miss a few of the people, but not the place, and a lot of the people my own age that I might have missed got out of there ASAP too. Early on I went back a few times for Christmas, but after visiting me here, my nuclear family gradually followed me to California, so holidays are here now. I've only been back a few times for weddings and funerals in the past 15 years.

Besides some individual people, things I miss:
Easy skiing, without a much travel. Which goes hand in hand with being bitter cold half the year, shoveling snow, gloomy skies, winter clothes, unpredictable weather, and driving on black ice, none of which is worth it.

The flora. California has lovely ocean views, and mountains with good hiking trails right next to those oceans. But the chaparral biome is actually kind of ugly, and I don't enjoy hiking as much as in a proper forest. You also don't have to wonder if you're going to be bitten by a poisonous snake. But it's only nice out for around 4 months, then you have to rake dead leaves and look at dead everything. And the whole time you're being eaten alive by biting insects that they mostly don't have in California, which can happen pretty much anytime you go out or open a window, so it's a bigger quality of life issue than the foliage.
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  #10  
Old 12 March 2018, 04:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Errata View Post
The flora. California has lovely ocean views, and mountains with good hiking trails right next to those oceans. But the chaparral biome is actually kind of ugly...
Well, the wildflowers are quite lovely in early spring (as long as you don't have allergies), but by the end of May everything turns brown and stays that way until the fall rains come.
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  #11  
Old 12 March 2018, 06:43 AM
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I never missed Orange County, where I grew up, when I went to college in Boston, but I've missed Boston ever since I moved back to SoCal. I think the key to avoiding, or at least managing homesickness is to like the new place better. I hope that turns out to be the case for you.
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  #12  
Old 12 March 2018, 06:54 AM
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ganzfeld ganzfeld is offline
 
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The last time I got homesick I was 13. Terrible feeling like seasickness, gone the moment you step ashore. I went back to home and thought, This? This is what I was homesick for?! Ugh. Later I learned 'No matter where you go, there you are.' As Buckaroo Bansai said. (Could be apocryphal. Some people say there wasn't actually any such person but let's not get into that...)

I never got homesick again. These days it's less that I don't feel I'm missing anything somewhere else than that the self is an illusion, in other words: No matter where you go there you aren't.
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  #13  
Old 12 March 2018, 11:50 AM
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I have always been very attached to my parents. When I went to college and when I moved from Pennsylvania to Florida with only a job and no contacts, I got terribly homesick. In college, I went home practically every weekend the first year, but it got better although I learned that I do have anxiety. Florida was fine at first since I had moved for my first real professional job, but man did that anxiety and homesickness get worse. I made a few friends but nothing too deep, so I was spending weekends and nights alone and it made the anxiety worse. The only thing that helped was to move back to PA and to get therapy.
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  #14  
Old 12 March 2018, 12:03 PM
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Don Enrico Don Enrico is offline
 
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Moving from the center of Germany (Frankfurt area) to Hamburg when I started to study, I did what most Americans would probably consider a trip to the outskirts - it's four to five hours by car from where I live to where I used to live. Still, it's about half the maximum distance you can move within Germany. It was a move to a different landscape and a different mentality, too.

I've been back to visit my parents just this weekend, and I did like to see my hometown again - it's a nice place. Nevertheless, I love Hamburg, and I'm very glad I moved here. I prefer the big city over the small student town, and the flat landscape over the hills. I prefer the distinquished hanseatic mentality of the people here over the sometimes in-your-face mentality of the people of Hesse.

Like others have said, I missed (and miss) individual people, and some places and/or activities, but I never did regret the move.
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  #15  
Old 12 March 2018, 12:51 PM
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RobDBlackwolf RobDBlackwolf is offline
 
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I did two major moves in my life:
First from Munich to Berlin in the mid 90's just after Germanys Reunification.. And I was as homesick as could be, most likely because it wasn't my idea to move there in the first place. For me Munich was still my home, Berlin was where I resided.
I went back three times to visit my friend that I clung to even though we were 500 miles apart. (We're still friends, just chatted with him online yesterday). Which was always nice.
Though over the years I've gotten slowly used to Berlin, but I don't have any "fond memories" of it.

The next move was better. In 2001 I moved from Berlin to Lancaster, Ohio. The switch from living with my parents to living with my wife made all the difference. I like it here, and the only homesickness I have is food wise. I miss the potato chip flavors from Germany, certain candy bars and fast foods.
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Old 12 March 2018, 12:58 PM
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Yes. I miss Wisconsin. Tucson just isn't home. In a lot of ways it was a mistake to move here for me.

There are things I like here, but it's not my home.
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Old 12 March 2018, 01:11 PM
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Lainie Lainie is online now
 
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I've made lots of small moves and two big ones: from NE Ohio to the Seattle area, and from there to Columbus 5 years later. There were a lot of people and a fair number of things I missed about Ohio when I lived in the PNW. There are also people and things about the PNW that I miss now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Errata View Post
. . .I don't enjoy hiking as much as in a proper forest.
I've never been hiking in California, but I've seen it depicted in TV shows, and I don't think I'd enjoy it as much, either. I don't even like meadow trails as well as I do forested ones.
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  #18  
Old 12 March 2018, 01:16 PM
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thorny locust thorny locust is online now
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UEL View Post
But, I also know that I am missing my experiences there rather than the places themselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dfresh View Post
I have moved several times, and I don't get homesick.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitap View Post
I miss Wisconsin. Tucson just isn't home. In a lot of ways it was a mistake to move here for me.

There are things I like here, but it's not my home.


This does vary a great deal from person to person.

Some people do form strong attachments with* particular places -- and it can be with the places, not just to what one was able to do there; or those may be in some ways inseparable to some people, such that going for a hike, say, in place x is a significantly different experience than going for a hike in place y; and not just because one may need different clothing to do so.

Other people apparently don't do this; and, as long as they're physically comfortable and can do whatever's important to them, it doesn't matter to them where they live.

The latter people are unlikely to have trouble with homesickness (and they're also likely not to understand why money's not, for many people, a fair compensation for taking a house or a neighborhood.)

If you haven't moved before, DawnStorm, you may not know which sort you are. If you're the former sort, and you are attached with your place and not just to its conveniences: I think the trick is to remember that it's possible to be attached with more than one place; and to do your best to choose one to move to that's possible for you to become attached with. You may well find it possible to make that attachment with some places and not with others; in some you may be a natural fit, and in others you may never fit at all.


*I'm using attachment with, rather than attachment to, because that's what it feels like: not onesided, something one does to a thing from outside it; but something one does with an entity, becoming part of it.
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  #19  
Old 12 March 2018, 02:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thorny locust
You may well find it possible to make that attachment with some places and not with others; in some you may be a natural fit, and in others you may never fit at all.


*I'm using attachment with, rather than attachment to, because that's what it feels like: not onesided, something one does to a thing from outside it; but something one does with an entity, becoming part of it.
Yep. To expand on this, I had no problems leaving Madison for Wausau. But Tucson- I don't fit in here. I've never been able to successfully make friends here. Wages are lower than they should be if you're not a professional. I have found I really don't like living in the desert. If I'd moved to Orlando or San Antonio or Buffalo-who knows?
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  #20  
Old 12 March 2018, 02:50 PM
Jusenkyo no Pikachu Jusenkyo no Pikachu is offline
 
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Try moving to places with different school systems. The one we had here confused my parents no end (we had come up from Melbourne just before I finished Year 2—My nephew and I are the only ones in our family to have gone through Prep—and then we moved to America just long enough for me to do Junior Year there, necessitating me doing two years of Grade 11).

I should note that Victoria at the time had a different cursive system, which meant bizarre letters for “b” and “p” (Nothing however like whatever the hell passes for an uppercase cursive “G” in America), and I initially had to re-learn the standard exercise book ruling.
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