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  #81  
Old 12 October 2017, 02:17 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Esprise Me View Post
I've also seen couples in which one person is completely under the other's thumb even though that person has never hit them. Yet.
I was part of such a couple for several years. My ex-husband never did hit me. He remarried after our divorce; a few years later he put his hands around his wife's neck and talked about how easy it would be to kill her.
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  #82  
Old 12 October 2017, 02:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
I was part of such a couple for several years. My ex-husband never did hit me. He remarried after our divorce; a few years later he put his hands around his wife's neck and talked about how easy it would be to kill her.
Now ex-wife? Or is she still with him?
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  #83  
Old 12 October 2017, 02:26 PM
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She left him, eventually. Last I heard he'd remarried again, no idea what happened after that.
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  #84  
Old 12 October 2017, 07:54 PM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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I don’t have anything like the experience Esprise Me does, but I whole heartedly agree with her post. Now that you’ve gotten some space and are in a safe place, I hope you take her advice and go see a counselor who specislizes in DV on your own. Because in abusive relationships I’ve observed up close in friends and family, there IS love there tangled into, or maybe even inspiring, controlling behavior. I’ve also noticed that several women I know felt a deep pity for their emotionally crippled partner, and hoped the love between them could heal the unhealthy parts. That never happens.

To add to some of the red flags others have pointed out, which I agree with, I found it alarming that you blamed medical personnel for the seriousness of your infection. I don’t know who created that narrative, but I’m suspicious it came from you or the man who deliberately discouraged you from getting medical attention, even when it became very obvious you needed it. That’s where the blame should lie. All of it. You buying into and repeating that alternate fault finding isn’t a good sign.

Those are harsh words, and I’m sorry. Like the others posting here, they’re said with care.

Last edited by Little Pink Pill; 12 October 2017 at 08:01 PM.
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  #85  
Old 13 October 2017, 01:49 AM
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I know the comments are motivated out of care, support, love, otherwise you wouldn't bother.

I need some more time to process but I am hearing you all loud and clear. Thank you.
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  #86  
Old 13 October 2017, 02:34 AM
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I found a counselor for me only who I'm seeing on Monday (recommended by the doctor who called me). He is a DV specialist.

As far as the infection blaming thing, I'm actually taking the cues from the hospital staff themselves --I was too dehydrated to do the urine pg test (nevermind - HYSTERECTOMY) so they put a catheter in me and warned me about 1/3 of the time they do a cath the woman ends up with a bad UTI, and that's what happened.

The dog bite didn't help one bit, and my arm was still big, hot, swollen, and super infected, and maybe it just spread on it's own versus being from the cath but the nurses all seemed to blame themselves/their coworkers for the systemic infection. Maybe they were just trying to make me feel better, who knows? In the end it doesn't matter really but the infection is gone so yay.

Again, thank you for all your comments which I know are motivated out of kindness, care and tough, needed love. They are hard to read but I genuinely appreciate every last one. However I'm pooped so I may not respond meaningfully until the morning.
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  #87  
Old 13 October 2017, 02:57 AM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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Oh, I’m so sorry, Plurabelle. I misunderstood. I thought you were saying your arm infection turned systemic because your care wasn’t good enough, not because your care was delayed. My bad, and thank you for being gracious about it.
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  #88  
Old 13 October 2017, 03:00 AM
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Don't apologize, I am counting you guys among some of my very best friends right now. The caring means A LOT. I haven't really met any friends since we moved to MI and well... people caring about you makes you feel better.
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  #89  
Old 13 October 2017, 03:08 AM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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Well, you’re taking a lot of tough love coming at you about a sensitive subject really well. I’m glad all this advice makes you feel better.
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  #90  
Old 13 October 2017, 11:01 AM
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Okay, random question.

I've been taking my temp regularly to make sure the infection isn't coming back. My temp is 94.7, I retook to double check and it was 94.3. I'm in bed with chills so I thought I had a fever. Is that too low? I know it's kind of like the opposite of a fever but I don't know how low it can go before you (are supposed to) get worried.

ETA: apparently this is most likely a reaction from my thyroid med dose being too low. My doctor recently doubled it but I think the hysterectomy effed with all of my hormones and I need to be retested for everything.

Last edited by Plurabelle; 13 October 2017 at 11:17 AM.
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  #91  
Old 13 October 2017, 09:47 PM
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My temp is up to 96.0 which is a little more normal. I am pretty well convinced it's my thyroid dosage being thrown off by the hysterectomy (I have not seen my endocrinologist since the hysterectomy but even before that he was reporting that my levels were way, way too low, I think either my thyroid or my pituitary just up and quit because I've been okay on 75 mcg since I was 18 but suddenly need 150).

I talked to the endo's nurse on the phone and she suggested hoovering the synthroid (well, not really, but taking 300 mcg instead of 150) and seeing if that helped. Seems to be helping so far. I have an appt with him next week for a full workup of all my hormones.
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  #92  
Old 13 October 2017, 10:18 PM
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I'm up to 97.1, which is about normal for me (I never test at a full 98.6 unless I actually have a fever).

I'm going to keep taking my temp because my arm is still sore and peeing still hurts even though I finished my course of antibiotics, but I no longer think I'm in danger of freezing to death.
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  #93  
Old 14 October 2017, 03:38 AM
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My mom said to absolutely not bring my little dog over. I miss her, and am tempted to go home for a night just to snuggle and play with her.

I trained her so well so my mom would allow her over but unfortunately she only remembers the puppy moments.

I'm not going, but damn.
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  #94  
Old 14 October 2017, 05:30 AM
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I'm sorry, Plurabelle. If anyone needs and deserves doggy cuddles, it's you. Stay strong.
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  #95  
Old 03 December 2017, 09:28 PM
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The dog in question has been put to sleep. She was suffering, and in pain, at the end of her life, and attacking because she was in pain. (It took the vet and I 2 hours to convince my husband it was the right thing to do -- he was too scared to be present during the euthanasia. He has had 14 dogs in his life, but put none of them to sleep. I got very raw, because the dog was suffering - I called him a coward, and said he was too chicken shit to properly own dogs. He agreed with me, after a lot of tears. We agreed that I would be the arbiter of when dogs get put to sleep in the future (unfortunately an issue for us because we still have 2 14-year old hounds who will probably not be happy puppies relatively soon)

She had stopped eating, stopped moving. Had no feeling left in her back legs.

She went very peacefully - I had my arms around her and was feeding her my snotty tissues (her favorite food, she always liked to lick the snot out then spit the tissues in the toilet... she sure loved human tears) until they injected the OD anesthetic which worked in less than a minute.

I am back living at home but my husband is in the hospital for at least a week (hernia operation + issues with his former prosthetics).
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  #96  
Old 04 December 2017, 12:34 AM
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Although it is a positive move (for the sake of the dogs) that he has designated you the arbiter of your dogs' final moments, is there any way you can persuade him to be present during the final moments of future doggies?

I feel that by washing his hands of this responsibility he is making you a kind of 'bad guy' where there is really no bad guy. The responsibility of owning pets should include being there even to the end. I understand that some people cannot, for whatever reason, be there for the very last page of their pet's autobiography, but by making you responsible for this hard task it's like he's dedicating himself only to the *nice* bits of pet ownership.

Disavowing the violence of a pet is part of this 'cool parent' mentality. Hey, I'm the cool dad. I don't discipline and I'm not there for the bad times. I'm in it for the fun and the treats and the cuddles! *She's* the bad one!
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  #97  
Old 04 December 2017, 02:19 AM
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Plurabelle, I am sorry for your loss.

And it's good that you were able to be with her at the end.
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  #98  
Old 04 December 2017, 08:12 AM
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He was present at the very end, but couldn't get on the floor and hold her, he was crying too hard - he stood outside most of the time. He will definitely be present in the future, and I am comfortable being the "bad guy" when it comes to reducing a beloved family member's misery.

He honestly doesn't know what to do about the violence. We are not going to be adding to our pet family until he gets it in his head that training dogs isn't "mean," and biting is completely unacceptable.

Fortunately, 1 of our current dogs is mine, and the 2 others have taken to my training very well. One of the hounds knows "freeze" and it's pretty hilarious most of the time because she will literally freeze no matter what she's doing and usually is doing something naughty when we catch it.
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  #99  
Old 04 December 2017, 08:41 AM
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My company gave me a a ticket to come home during the Christmas break. They aren't open for business and it was incredibly kind of them to let me come home for the last week of December.

However, I'm currently in Ann Arbor and want to stay in Brussels. We have a lot of busy weeks before, but they offered me a grieving time off due to the death of my dog.

Im headed back next week. Love you all for your amazing advice and help.
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  #100  
Old 13 December 2017, 02:05 AM
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I'm back in AA and it's been a nightmare so far. It's so close to Christmas my office in BE is basically shut down. We work thru thanksgiving but get like 6 weeks off for christmas. No complaints here.

I flew to BE and back again in about a heart attack - a family loss requires time off, per our CEO. And family includes pets.

This is the same company that gave me no time off during my miscarriages but whatever.

The company travel booker knows about my issues at home and consulted with me about where I wanted to go (my aunt is a "safe house" in LA) but I want to be home for Christmas. My mom's house is safe and we can kick out my husband if needed.
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