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  #21  
Old 17 September 2017, 06:56 PM
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HelloLlama HelloLlama is offline
 
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There have been a couple cases in Michigan over the past few years where dogs with a history of violence eventually killed someone. The reason I bring this up is because if the dog that attacked you ends up attacking someone else you and your husband could be charged with a crime. If, God forbid, this dog kills someone, that charge is usually second degree murder. Do not let this slide.

I'm really not trying to scare you. I just want you to be safe.
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  #22  
Old 17 September 2017, 10:35 PM
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Just chiming in to agree with everything that everyone else said. Animal bites are no joke--we have a cat who plays aggressively sometimes and both my husband and I have had to go to the hospital and get antibiotics due to his bites.
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  #23  
Old 17 September 2017, 11:33 PM
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Hi guys, posting from my phone.

It's definitely infected and they are sending me home with Cipro (I'm allergic to most antibiotics).

My husband is someone who was a bachelor until he was 56. We struggle but he is ultimately a good guy who is just used to catering to his dogs. He's never had a wife before. He's used to getting what he wants when he wants it.

I do think he loves his dogs more than me, and it will be something to bring up in counseling. Which we are continuing; I'm home for the week but have to go back to Belgium soon, but our therapist does Skype sessions. He still talks about the kids we'll have in the future even though I had a g-d hysterectomy.
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  #24  
Old 18 September 2017, 12:44 AM
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I'm very relieved that you've finally gotten medical treatment. If the infection doesn't improve, please don't hesitate to go back to the doctor.
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  #25  
Old 18 September 2017, 12:50 AM
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Esprise Me Esprise Me is offline
 
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I'm so glad you hear you got treatment. Thanks for updating us.

I suppose if you're going to another continent (presumably without the dogs?) you'll be physically safe for the time being, but I hope you'll give some thought as to how to protect yourself going forward. If you want to work on your marriage in counseling, that's certainly your prerogative, but his lack of concern for your physical safety means you need to prioritize that above all else, especially whatever he's looking out for instead.

Sometimes I wish someone had told me that my ex's self -centeredness constituted good cause to dump him, and I didn't need to spend any more time or effort trying to compromise or work things out. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything; maybe it would have. On the off chance that's what you need to hear, though...

I don't think this is about him having been a bachelor too long. I don't even think this is about loving his dogs more than you. I love my cat more than I love the UPS guy, but I'd still take the poor man to the hospital if my cat attacked him. There's something deeply wrong with a person who wouldn't.

I'm a bit skeptical of therapy myself. If it helps, wonderful; I'm not going to second-guess someone's lived experiences on this subject. But it's been my experience that at least some therapists are unable or unwilling to tell someone in a bad relationship with a bad person that this is not a problem that can be solved with more therapy. Before you put yourself in a situation where your physical safety is once again at risk, you might want to ask yourself--and maybe your therapist too--where the line is. At what point would you say this isn't salvageable? Think about it now, before you rationalize yourself into a corner you never thought you'd find yourself in and you can't see your way out. He's already put your life at risk. How much are you willing to accept?
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  #26  
Old 18 September 2017, 01:01 AM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Esprise Me View Post
I don't think this is about him having been a bachelor too long. I don't even think this is about loving his dogs more than you. I love my cat more than I love the UPS guy, but I'd still take the poor man to the hospital if my cat attacked him.
Yes. Well said. This is the response of a heathy person and a responsible pet owner. It should even be the response of a parent if their child is a danger to others. Love for one person or thing should not make you blind to the suffering of others. That only makes you a danger, too.

Plurabelle, I'm glad you got medical care. Please make decisions that keep you safe.
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  #27  
Old 18 September 2017, 01:42 AM
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I don't mean to pile on here, but another thing that has jumped out at me is your husband is freaking 60 years old but he wants to have children? Have you both given any thought to what this actually is going to mean for you?

My son's wife has an uncle who married a 27 yr old when he was 60, he now has a 22 month old with another baby on the way. It's working ok but in not too many years she's going to be married to a man in his 70s and will be coping with an elderly husband and with teenagers.

I am closer to 60 than I care to admit and I know I could not cope with babies and toddlers 24/7 and I sure don't want to go through the teen years again now let alone in my 70s .
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  #28  
Old 18 September 2017, 01:53 AM
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Cervus Cervus is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plurabelle View Post
My husband is someone who was a bachelor until he was 56. We struggle but he is ultimately a good guy who is just used to catering to his dogs. He's never had a wife before. He's used to getting what he wants when he wants it.
Stop making excuses for him. Your marriage is not healthy, you are in an abusive relationship, and he has already put you in danger.
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  #29  
Old 18 September 2017, 02:10 AM
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ganzfeld ganzfeld is offline
 
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Agreeing with the others, and apologising in advance for my impertinence: People do change but the idea that a 60 year old bachelor child who puts the needs of his pets over the safety of his SO is going to suddenly grow up is beyond wishful thinking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plurabelle View Post
He's used to getting what he wants when he wants it.
Yes, I see that. I think it's best you stop doing that.
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  #30  
Old 18 September 2017, 02:31 AM
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I agree with Ganz on both accounts.

Having lived along for many years now, I understand what its like to be used to doing what I want when I want, but if I were to find someone I wanted to share my life with I understand that would have to stop.
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  #31  
Old 18 September 2017, 02:32 AM
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Redacted. ....
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  #32  
Old 18 September 2017, 03:47 AM
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Little Pink Pill Little Pink Pill is offline
 
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Plurabelle, you're getting strong responses, and they're probably not easy to read. And you know the good sides of him, and we're only looking at this one thing. But this one thing is kind of a big deal: 2 large dogs trying to bite you, you not only being asked to tolerate their aggression, but being blamed for it, then you finally do get seriously injured and your spouse refuses to help you get medical attention. That's...really bad. Strangers on the internet should not be more upset for you or protective of you or worried about you than your spouse is.

So please take the strong words for what they're meant to be: concern and frustration at someone's outrageous behavior. Because what you've described here is, indeed, outrageous.
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  #33  
Old 18 September 2017, 08:46 AM
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I'm just going ask a question and make a comment about therapy. Did you start therapy as couples therapy, with a goal.of working on your relationship, or is it your therapist, and your husband comes to sessions and participates? If it's the former, you may want to ask the therapist about what they do when there is a conflict between therapeutic goals and/or the best interests of each patient.

In particular, if the therapist is not your therapist, and they think the relationship is detrimental to you, but good for him, would the therapist say so? What about if the therapy itself is detrimental to you? (Not saying it is for you, but it can be in certain kinds of unhealthy relationships.) It can be pretty crucial to know how your therapist handles such things if you are planning to rely on them as part of dealing with something like this.
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  #34  
Old 18 September 2017, 02:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Plurabelle View Post
He still talks about the kids we'll have in the future even though I had a g-d hysterectomy.
Um, coming back to this:

Do you mean he's talking about possible adopted kids (which you were also, IIRC)? Or do you mean that he's delusional?

-- keep track of your temperature. If you develop a fever (or if you already had one and it doesn't start going down soon now that you're on antibiotics, or goes up significantly), call the doctor.
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  #35  
Old 18 September 2017, 06:01 PM
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General medical information*: The concern for soft tissue infection is such that when a child with a dog bite come sin to an ER, we do not suture the wound, lest we enclose infection. And what are called fascia planes can allow infection to track up and down arm.

General observation: If I am not mistaking you with someone else, you moved to another country (and continent) for your spouse's safety because you were theoretically concerned about the current US administration and state of affairs. Yet for your safety in an immediate situation?



*Not advice or specific to you because I have not examined you of course. And you are not a child, of course.
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  #36  
Old 18 September 2017, 06:53 PM
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Plurabelle,

You seem to have a lot of scary things going on with you right now. Please take care of yourself.

Try to find space where you can think without outside pressure.

Imagine this thread as if your posts were from one of your best friends or favorite family members instead of being from you. It may help provide some insight.

mucho vibes,

khisanth
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  #37  
Old 20 September 2017, 03:24 PM
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Plurabelle, I hope your arm is feeling better. I could not agree more with what everyone else here has said regarding your marriage, and I hope that you take the advice given here. We're all genuinely concerned about you.
I take it this was the dog that your husband does not want to euthanize?
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  #38  
Old 20 September 2017, 05:03 PM
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When I saw the thread back up, I was hoping Plurabelle had posted.

Plurabelle, never mind the state of your marriage for the moment: are you OK?
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  #39  
Old 21 September 2017, 12:10 AM
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Same here. Hoping to hear that Plurabelle is okay.
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  #40  
Old 22 September 2017, 11:53 AM
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I just came across this as it's been a few weeks...

1. glad that you did end up going to the hospital. I don't know how big of a bite it was to case the arm to swell enough for others to take notice right away. But even so.. as you said earlier in the thread- dog bites are nothing to mess with. I was bitten on both arms 27 years ago... ended up as gaping wounds (Surgery and they did do stitches but big ones and not closing the wounds all the way). That dog was I think quarantined for 3 days (?) then returned to his owners (They kept him for years and with 3 small kids in the house). A friend of mine also got bitten...accidentally- by one of her dogs- on her hand- even though it was small punctures it did enough damage to her hand that it cut into muscle. Thankfully never needed surgery but to this day she can't bend one of her fingers all the way anymore.

2. As for the rest... wow...I don't know how long you've been together/married or how long the therapy has been going on but there may come a time when you'll need to take a good hard look at everything and reevaluate the marriage etc. Just would hate for you to wake up one day 20 years later and say "oh shit....". That part I know from experience with a different friend of mine.
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