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  #661  
Old 17 January 2019, 09:05 PM
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Beachlife! Beachlife! is offline
 
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It would take an 160 pound person 5-6 shots within an hour to get there. That translates to way less than 1 for a 20 pound toddler, assuming the numbers scale.

*ETA: What a horrific story; Either this lady was giving the child alcohol or was sufficiently negligent to allow the child to find and consume the alcohol without knowing it.
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  #662  
Old 17 January 2019, 10:07 PM
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Esprise Me Esprise Me is offline
 
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Also, thanks everyone for the input on the thing with my mom. (I meant to post that in LTTAY, but I did want feedback!) I think you're all correct, and it's all part of a larger pattern that's at best manageable, not fixable.

My mom loves to entertain but it always stresses her out, often to the point of tears. When I was growing up, she took pride and pleasure in hosting Thanksgiving for a group of ~20 of their friends every year. I came to hate the holiday because she would always have a meltdown during the preparation, sometimes over something like burning a dish, sometimes at me for not cleaning my room well enough. She took a large role in planning my wedding, which was held in my parents' backyard, and which almost destroyed our relationship. (Later we had another fun go at it over her involvement in planning a surprise party for my husband, which I complained about here.) I've noticed a bit of this behavior in myself now, too, when I throw parties, and I'm working on it because I don't want to be like that.

Lack of boundaries is another recurring theme in our relationship. She realizes intellectually that I am a different person, but can't consistently deduce that I will not necessarily like everything she likes (even if she really really really likes it.) Nor has she truly accepted that we don't always need to fight each other's battles. To avoid a confrontation over my housewarming party last year, which she assumed she would not only be invited to but would co-host with equal input on the menu, date/time, etc., I held two parties; one for her, other family members, and a handful of close friends of mine she knows, which I let her have her way on, and one with just my friends and co-workers, which I didn't tell her about. When I was venting to my husband the other day about her getting on my case to get my friends to come to her house concert, he drew an astute comparison between this and an MLM situation--these house concerts are her essential oils, and she really believes in them and doesn't understand why I don't want to buy them, much less help sell them.

I don't believe she's being manipulative on purpose, but she has definitely manipulated me a lot over the years. Yesterday I got an email from my dad asking me to help out with a plan to give her a little birthday celebration at the house concert I'm coming to this weekend, as opposed to the one I'm not going to next month, which is closer to her birthday. He mentioned that she was sad and stressed about having relatively few people signed up for the one next month and having to plan her own birthday. I'm pretty sure he doesn't know about all the emails she sent me about next month's concert (he usually sticks up for me when she acts like this), and I'm pretty sure she didn't sulk in front of him with the specific intent to weaponize him against me, but it still pissed me off so much.

I think I need to explain to her in no uncertain terms that 1) these concerts are not the joy for me that they are for her; when she invites me and my friends she is not giving us a gift but asking a favor, and 2) she needs to, at a minimum, acknowledge that when she asks instead of trying to tell me how much I'll like this artist. She cycles between justifications, and I'm OK with her having lots of reasons my presence would benefit HER, but it's a little gaslight-y for her to keep insisting this is for my benefit too. I think that would go a long way toward easing my frustration.
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  #663  
Old 18 January 2019, 02:59 PM
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Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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Be prepared for her to argue with you, particularly about the fact that they're not the joy for you that they are for her.

I'm glad you're standing up for yourself on this.

P.S., etiquette dictates that one does not plan a birthday party for oneself. If she's stressing out about planning her own birthday party, maybe she shouldn't have one.

Seaboe
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  #664  
Old 18 January 2019, 03:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Esprise Me View Post
She realizes intellectually that I am a different person, but can't consistently deduce that I will not necessarily like everything she likes (even if she really really really likes it.)
Ugh, I know a guy like this. He'll tell me all about the latest show or movie or whatever it was that got him excited, going on and on about it for an excruciatingly long time and completely missing that I'm sitting there bored. One time I actually said it didn't sound like something I'd be into and he said "Oh, I thought you'd like it" in a really hurt tone. Really? Why? When have I ever expressed any interest in a show like that ever?
His attitude seems to be "I like A and I'm a rightminded person so everyone else I consider to be a rightminded person must also like A"


I have another friend who does a similar thing where he'll assume everyone knows what he's talking about so he'll tell a story or ask a question but he'll leave out crucial details (like who or what he's talking about) and then he struggles to understand why we're confused.
He does it so often that I'm starting to think he may have a mild narcissistic personality disorder which makes him genuinely incapable of understanding that the information that's in his head doesn't always exist in other people's heads.
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  #665  
Old 18 January 2019, 08:46 PM
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Crius of CoH Crius of CoH is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gutter Monkey View Post
Ugh, I know a guy like this. He'll tell me all about the latest show or movie or whatever it was that got him excited, going on and on about it for an excruciatingly long time and completely missing that I'm sitting there bored. One time I actually said it didn't sound like something I'd be into and he said "Oh, I thought you'd like it" in a really hurt tone. Really? Why? When have I ever expressed any interest in a show like that ever?
His attitude seems to be "I like A and I'm a rightminded person so everyone else I consider to be a rightminded person must also like A"


I have another friend who does a similar thing where he'll assume everyone knows what he's talking about so he'll tell a story or ask a question but he'll leave out crucial details (like who or what he's talking about) and then he struggles to understand why we're confused.
He does it so often that I'm starting to think he may have a mild narcissistic personality disorder which makes him genuinely incapable of understanding that the information that's in his head doesn't always exist in other people's heads.
You have accurately described my boss - who, I must say, is a genuinely nice and good person, and whom I get along with quite well. But communication with him has always been a struggle. To put a positive spin on it, he allows me to exercise my critical faculties on a daily basis.
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  #666  
Old 19 January 2019, 03:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gutter Monkey View Post

I have another friend who does a similar thing where he'll assume everyone knows what he's talking about so he'll tell a story or ask a question but he'll leave out crucial details (like who or what he's talking about) and then he struggles to understand why we're confused.
My mom does this. I know she means no ill will, I think she just has had part of the conversation in her own head and doesn't realize it wasn't said out loud. She also has the reverse problem where she will be telling a story and start to include small details that don't matter, but she pauses to remember- "And she was wearing a purple sweater- no, it was blue.. well kind of in between, you know" during a story where the point is we will be surprised who she ran into at the supermarket and the clothign worn by the person isn't actually an essential detail. Almost like she's quizzing herself to remember as many details as she can, I'm not really sure. But there've been plenty of times where she'll say "What did he think of the gift?" and we have to ask "Which 'he?' We've been talking about 3 separate men in this conversation."
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  #667  
Old 20 January 2019, 03:11 AM
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Morning Morning is offline
 
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Another stupid car question ----

I dropped the key fob into a mud puddle and now it doesn't work.

Do they ever dry out? Or should I just try to get a replacement? Or, I guess just use the key like I did for every other car I've ever had.

I googled replacements and they exist, but say things like "on board programming" and scary sounding "needs automotive locksmith".

I think my old 1993 Pontiac Bonneville is on boardable?


Keyless Remote Warehouse

Thanks!

Morning
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  #668  
Old 20 January 2019, 03:57 AM
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erwins erwins is offline
 
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See if you can figure out how to open it up. There may be a YouTube video for your particular fob.

Take out the battery. Try to blow out any water. Put it in a bag of rice to dry out for several days. Only when it's fully dry, put the battery back in and put it back together. Most likely it will work.
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