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  #21  
Old 30 November 2017, 10:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChasFink View Post
I wasn't paying close attention, but I half-heard on one report or another that the lock-the-door button was installed in several offices at NBC as a security device (presumably to keep intruders out at a moment's notice) but Lauer was believed to have used it several times.
That was the way it as reported on Rachael Maddow last night: the lock was a panic button in case there was an intruder in the NBC building, most executives got one.
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  #22  
Old 01 December 2017, 01:25 AM
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That doesn't, IMO, make it any less creepy in context.
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  #23  
Old 01 December 2017, 01:35 AM
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Is it just me or is there just way way too much touching in US workplaces (and many other places, not picking on America)? One of the first things (as in, before I ever did it) I was told when I started working was "Don't touch anyone. Basically, for any reason." Boy what a good rule. I personally don't mind a friendly handshake or a touch but, in the 30 years since, there is honestly not a single time I have thought to myself, gee, this would be one of the times that I wish I could break that rule. (Like, "Gee, if I touch this person I on the back they will probably feel comforted." I don't understand where that thought comes from. Isn't it common knowledge that some people really really dislike being touched and almost all do when it's done "wrong"? Why would you... ?? It's like people are more aware of peanut allergies than the way people feel about touchy feeliness....) Touching, even when it's the supposedly OK kind, is totally overrated at best. I can imagine someone saying "OMG now we can't even touch people!?" But, seriously, is it really necessary? Or good? I vote no.

Wait... I'm thinking of a reason... Nope. No reason.

Last edited by ganzfeld; 01 December 2017 at 01:41 AM.
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  #24  
Old 01 December 2017, 02:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
That doesn't, IMO, make it any less creepy in context.
No, not a bit. Just wanted to confirm the lock's origin.
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  #25  
Old 01 December 2017, 03:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ganzfeld View Post
Isn't it common knowledge that some people really really dislike being touched
As someone who really really dislikes being touched: No, this is not common knowledge in the US. I can't count how many times someone has hugged me or patted my shoulder or put their arm around me. It never fails to make me shudder and feel sick. It doesn't matter the gender of the person or their intentions; I hate being touched by anyone I'm not sexually attracted to. This includes handshakes. I can't stand the sensation of a stranger's skin touching mine. I can't stand being patted on the back. It's intrusive and gross to me, but many people see nothing wrong with it because to them it is an honestly friendly way of expressing affection.

As a child, I'd get punished for not consenting to my relative's hugs. I would run away, struggle, or hit them to show my displeasure. And then I was punished for hurting their feelings or being rude. (This is part of the reason many people don't have healthy ideas of consent, because by forcing children to tolerate the unwanted physical affection of relatives, we teach them that someone else's feelings are more important than their own.)

So yes, some people are much more physically affectionate than others and if you indicate that you don't like being touched, they get personally offended. This is where the gray area comes in where someone could claim it was all innocent and friendly, but it had sexual overtones. And if you didn't like them touching you, you're the rude one because they were just being friendly!
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  #26  
Old 01 December 2017, 03:28 AM
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I detest being touched by all but a very few people, mostly family. When a nasty flu was going around a few years back i was all too happy to stop shaking hands with people all together.

Over the years, I've grown from tolerating people who call themselves 'huggers' to resenting them and finding them rather creepy especially when the ones who seem to thing their being a hugger overrides the fact that I don't like being touched.
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  #27  
Old 01 December 2017, 11:56 AM
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The only times I've ever touched a coworker-
-a handshake when being introduced to someone
-if someone I am already close to is having a really hard day, I might ask "Do you need a hug?" and proceed accordingly (this happened more frequently at my old job when we were all stressed out constantly and on the verge of crying)
-like, I dunno, picking a piece of lint off someone's shirt, again asking permission first so I'm not just suddenly touching them

I'm hard pressed to think of other times where I would even want to. I think some of it must be regional/cultural, but I think a lot of touching in a workplace setting has to do with dominance and tends to be gender-linked.
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  #28  
Old 01 December 2017, 12:39 PM
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I've heard/seen hug-y people say/post "I know you're not a hugger, but I am, so get in here." No. It doesn't work that way.
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  #29  
Old 01 December 2017, 06:35 PM
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I have coworkers from various countries with different greeting cultures from handshake to full-on bear hug. Sometimes I joke we should use the traditional American greeting which is a friendly wave from about 10 feet away.

Even a handshake can be avoided, if the person wishes to, or "downgrade" cheek kisses to a handshake. No one would force somebody to use a greeting style they don't want to. That would more rude than not shaking hands.
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  #30  
Old 01 December 2017, 09:30 PM
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Being of Eastern European extraction, I tend to believe that some touching among friends and some co-workers is a good thing, but fully understand if someone doesn't like it. (And note that my former workplace was more of a bonding - and hugging type of place than my current one.) But with me, social kissing remains an uncomfortable mystery. I think it has something to do with the fact that it's much more common if at least one woman is involved, which makes me think it's another way society vitimizes women.
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  #31  
Old 01 December 2017, 10:01 PM
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I used to think the social kiss was strange until I realized that Americans often use the hug in a similar manner. A social kiss often just involves the brushing of cheeks while a hug involves pressing bodies together. The hug is far more invasive.
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  #32  
Old 01 December 2017, 10:23 PM
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I, personally, am almost always OK with being touched, but I know many other people are not, and unless I know the person very well and am pretty sure they're OK with it, I don't try to initiate any. When I actually had a social circle, I had a number of female friends I was on a casual-hugging basis with, which I enjoyed; but the one who I was (and still am) closest to was a big exception. I don't think she hates being touched but she's just not a casual hugger; and I recognized that and didn't try to push it on her. (Oddly, the few times we did have any physical contact were during live-action role-playing games...there were a few cases where we played characters who were romantically involved, and then the occasional embrace or putting arms around one another felt completely natural to both of us. I guess that's acting for you...)

So, I can thing of a few times when things happened to me that I was OK with that I know some people (including some men) would not be. When I had long hair, one of my female co-workers came up and touched it once, and then immediately apologized, realizing she was taking a liberty. Another time, I did a minor favor for one and she gave me a quick hug. And I had one friend who was making a living as a freelance massage technician for a while; she had a habit of giving people casual shoulder-and-neck rubs, I suppose as a sort of form of advertising. I personally will take a shoulder rub happily from just about anyone, so I was happy when she was around (and sometimes used her services profesisonally, too) but I had one or two friends who almost had to start avoiding her.

Being that upset at casual touching seems odd to me, but there are things about people I find much odder than that.
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  #33  
Old 01 December 2017, 10:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
I've heard/seen hug-y people say/post "I know you're not a hugger, but I am, so get in here." No. It doesn't work that way.
That annoys me. Not me personally, but if someone has become known for not liking hugs, then no-one has a right to impose one on them.
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  #34  
Old 01 December 2017, 10:42 PM
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I think it's partly cultural, and partly individual differences. While I agree that some men (and an occasional woman) use it as a technique for sexual reasons, IME the non-sexual version isn't genderlinked and often has nothing to do with dominance; some people just seem to think that hugging as a greeting or a goodbye, and/or touching of parts not considered sexual, usually arms and shoulders, is as much a part of normal social interaction as saying hello or please or thank you. To them a person backing away from such a touch is being rude -- as if in avoiding touch one were treating the would-be toucher as unworthy of contact. -- I've read of cashiers being indignant if someone puts the money down on the counter instead of in the cashier's hand; I think that's related. They're assuming the customer thinks that the cashier isn't worthy to make contact with.

And for many people, being able to have at least some physical contact with at least some people is important for mental health. Social animals touch each other, and if they can't touch anybody are likely to become distressed.

Having said that: I often back away from such touches; I like to be touched by some people in some circumstances, but not by all people or in all circumstances. (I get much of my touch needs from cats, I think; though it is important to me to have at least a couple of human friends who I'm on hugging terms with.) And I think the huggers/touchers need to learn that there are many people who, whether for individual or cultural reasons, really don't want to be touched in most circumstances; and that not only are those people not being rude, but it's rude to insist on touching them.
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  #35  
Old 01 December 2017, 11:24 PM
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Even if g-you sincerely believe that not wanting to be hugged is rude, g-you should not respond with the rudeness of going against the other person's stated wishes regarding their own body. Back off, walk away, and roll your eyes behind their back if it makes g-you feel better.
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  #36  
Old 24 January 2018, 08:35 PM
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Reporter Investigation: For some who lived in it, Keillor's world wasn't funny

I guess this is the thread where we were discussing the accusations against Garrison Keillor, so I will add this here. Minnesota Public Radio has released the findings of its investigation, and as you might have expected they paint a much worse picture of Keillor than the story he told:

Quote:
An investigation by MPR News, however, has learned of a years-long pattern of behavior that left several women who worked for Keillor feeling mistreated, sexualized or belittled. None of those incidents figure in the "inappropriate behavior" cited by MPR when it severed business ties.
Nor do they have anything to do with Keillor's story about putting a hand on a woman's back
https://www.mprnews.org/story/2018/0...llor-workplace
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  #37  
Old 24 January 2018, 11:03 PM
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Keillor and Cosby can share a home in hell, AFAIC.
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