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  #1  
Old 17 January 2007, 09:51 PM
Ieuan ab Arthur's Avatar
Ieuan ab Arthur Ieuan ab Arthur is offline
 
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Location: Toronto, ON
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Baseball God Bless the Parents Who Drugged Us!

Hi All:

A piece of "When I was your age, I used to walk 10 miles to school everyday in the snow uphill both ways" glurge for your delectation:

Quote:
God Bless the Parents Who Drugged us!

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question,

"Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up? "

I replied: I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think.

They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place

~Author unknown
Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "Should have been drugged before reading this" ab Arthur
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  #2  
Old 18 January 2007, 12:57 AM
Mint Crisps
 
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Saying "drug" instead of "dragged" not only hangs my munchkin, but draws and quarters it as well. I could hardly read through this thing.

Mint "But at least there were no puppies or God" Crisps
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  #3  
Old 18 January 2007, 01:07 AM
lazerus the duck
 
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My life is full of dung after all that drugging. I've dung-oing to all that crap.
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  #4  
Old 18 January 2007, 03:23 AM
MissBethiepoo
 
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this was just plain stupid. I echo what Mint Crisps said as well.
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  #5  
Old 18 January 2007, 08:41 AM
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Ramblin' Dave Ramblin' Dave is offline
 
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Quote:
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.
Ah yes, still my favorite scene in A Christmas Story. No doubt, whoever wrote this, everyone pretended not to know he got it from his father too. Same thing with my family, except that my mother was the foulmouthed one.
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  #6  
Old 18 January 2007, 08:47 AM
Tarquin Farquart's Avatar
Tarquin Farquart Tarquin Farquart is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ieuan ab Arthur View Post
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think.

They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place
This glurge reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons where Marge says "The only thing I'm high on is love... love for my son and daughters. Yes, a little LSD is all I need."
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  #7  
Old 18 January 2007, 04:33 PM
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incubus incubus is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mint Crisps View Post
Saying "drug" instead of "dragged" not only hangs my munchkin, but draws and quarters it as well.
Yes. God bless the parents who also teached us english good.

J (Me fail english? That's unpossible!)
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  #8  
Old 18 January 2007, 05:07 PM
rockland6674's Avatar
rockland6674 rockland6674 is offline
 
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Icon02 It's still a steaming pile of manure.

I posted a shorter version on the old board several years ago.

Quote:
This glurge is short, but its smug, righteous tone annoyed me more than any other glurge I've received to date.
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  #9  
Old 18 January 2007, 05:17 PM
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Canuckistan Canuckistan is offline
 
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Icon05

Quote:
Originally Posted by incubus View Post
Yes. God bless the parents who also teached us english good.
Hey! You confuse me try to.
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  #10  
Old 18 January 2007, 05:32 PM
incubus's Avatar
incubus incubus is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Canuckistan View Post
Hey! You confuse me try to.
Also, Das war der Plan...

J (Ich bin ein Berliner)
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  #11  
Old 18 January 2007, 11:00 PM
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One-Fang One-Fang is offline
 
 
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Phewie! You mean it's not correct? That's one that really yanked my chain too (drug vs dragged), but when I dared challenge it somewhere I was shot down and told it was a legitimate alternative.
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  #12  
Old 19 January 2007, 03:15 AM
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Crackrzz Crackrzz is offline
 
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My pastor seems to get a kick out of this, he has mentioned it a few times and it has been in the bulletin and the magazine, bits of it anyway.
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  #13  
Old 19 January 2007, 03:38 AM
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Artemis Artemis is offline
 
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I thought it was going to be about Ritalin and anti-depressants and other drugs that "We got along just FINE without when I was your age...never mind little Tommy who couldn't concentrate or Johnny who hung himself out in the woodshed! And we LIKED it."
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  #14  
Old 19 January 2007, 01:18 PM
Canuckistan's Avatar
Canuckistan Canuckistan is offline
 
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Frying Pan

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crackrzz View Post
My pastor seems to get a kick out of this
Your pastor gets a kick out of drugs?
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  #15  
Old 24 January 2007, 06:34 PM
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TrishDaDish TrishDaDish is offline
 
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Quote:
Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think.
Sooo....the point of this is he was "drug" everywhere as a kid (as opposed to willingly doing chores or going to church, etc), and now he does the same thing to his kids as well as himself? He doesn't make his family or himself do things because they want to, only because they're made to, as it's a chore?

Wow. Must be magic living in that household.

Trish "I don't care if you're scared of Aunt Vida, you git yer butt in the car NOW!!!" DaDish
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  #16  
Old 24 January 2007, 06:42 PM
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PallasAthena PallasAthena is offline
 
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What on earth was going on in the woodshed? Must've been terrible and messy if it couldn't take place in the house. Gotta love people who yearn for the days when child abuse was acceptable.
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  #17  
Old 25 January 2007, 02:16 PM
trollface
 
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Quote:
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
What if you've witnessed your teacher and preacher murdering someone, and are asked if you saw anything? You've either got to lie or speak ill of them. Either way, that's a whuppin'.
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