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Old 29 May 2017, 06:02 AM
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GenYus234 GenYus234 is offline
 
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Default Funny, Embarrassing Stories About You

We've all probably done embarrasing things that are funny. I'll start.

As I was waiting in a line at Comicon. I noticed the guy behind me had a really nice looking prop arm. As I was complimenting him on it, my brain suddenly realized that it was a real prosthetic arm not a prop, but it was too late to stop my mouth. Luckily, he was cool about it as my babbled apologies were probably not coherent.
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Old 29 May 2017, 06:55 AM
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Lots of responsibilities leaves little room for calendar mistakes. So I was shocked going through my calendar to find that I missed two really important events over the past three weeks. How did that happen? Why didn't the sky fall? Only thing to do is rush over to the person in charge and take my lumps. I run over, not there. When will he be back? Geez, I'm going to have to do this by e-mail... Sulking back to my own desk, I read the official calendar just to make sure my name is mud. June, not May! *whew* Checking my own calendar, I had it right too.

Back to the calendar only to find yet a different mistake. This one holds up to scrutiny but, fortunately, it's not as critical. One hopes. Time to knock on another door for my recommended daily serving of crow (75g).
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  #3  
Old 29 May 2017, 11:25 AM
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I could fill this thread:

Quote:
mal·a·prop
ˈmaləˌpräp/Submit
noun
noun: malapropism
the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect, as in, for example, “dance a flamingo ” (instead of flamenco ).
synonyms: wrong word, solecism, misuse, misapplication, infelicity, Freudian slip, blunder;
For 2 years of my career, I was a military advisor to our defence research organisation. I was partnered up with a scientist who coordinated all the experimentation we had ongoing. Twice per year, we two co-chairs had to brief the army leadership on the developments of the experimentation. Typically, the scientist would explain the scientific concepts, and if necessary, the uniformed officer would explain the military linkages. The general usually understood the linkages already, so during these meetings, I usually just sat there.

This was not too bad until my final one. My scientific colleague had a family emergency and that left me to brief the scientific and military sides. I was nervous because of all the scientific words that I had no clue on (and the general was a questions type guy) that were all over the presentations.

Along comes one slide about a computer application being built. I briefed the science part with no problems, then elaborated to some potential use militarily. My conversation went something like this:

Quote:
Me: And the application takes the schematic drawn onto the tablet and turns that into text that can be read. As it is automatically creating the text, it can be made bisexual so it can be used in all our Brigades.

General: Eh? What do you mean by that????

Me: The application is built bisexual, so it's like you, sir. It can work in both languages.

General: Huh? ....long pause.... hahahaha
I did not realise that I had said anything wrong until he started chuckling. I looked around the room and there was the chief scientist mortified, my colonel's jaw was on the conference table and several other officers and scientists silently chuckling to themselves. When I saw that I replayed the conversation in my head and realised what I had said, and was slightly panicked. But, I had been trained that when in tough situations, to just power through them. So I did, finished my presentation and sat down.

A little later on I was given a left and right of the road lesson by my colonel and chief scientist. I can laugh about it now. Apparently, until then, no one thought the general at that table had a sense of humour.
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Old 29 May 2017, 11:44 AM
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I feel that story needs some manner of proper English accent for maximum effect. Too bad you're Canadian and I'm American. Just imagining the pronunciation of 'bisexual' in the queens English... And the long draw out "sir," like the prison officer in A Clockwork Orange.
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Old 29 May 2017, 01:48 PM
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Don Enrico Don Enrico is offline
 
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I especially like the "it's bisexual, so it's like you, sir" part!

But what's a "left and right of the road lesson"?
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  #6  
Old 29 May 2017, 10:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Don Enrico View Post
But what's a "left and right of the road lesson"?
We refer to them as either left and right of the road, or left and right of arc lessons.

I'm being instructed in where I need to keep myself pointed in order to prevent my career from going "off road".

Essentially, a list of things I need to avoid to not be penalised.

One might call it firm advice from a boss.
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Old 30 May 2017, 03:58 PM
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My two most embarrassing gaffes out of many, many, many more:


My friend K came into work crying, sobbing, and terribly upset. I hug her and she stammers out "She called me an ugly sl-t!" I answered, while patting her on the back, "You're not ugly!!". Luckily, K looked up and started laughing.

I was on the phone with my gentleman friend while we surfed an online clothing store together. I was trying to pick out something for our upcoming vacation. We're on a page and he asks, "What about the pink one?". I answer, to my Japanese-American gentleman friend, "No, pink makes my skin look yellow." *head bang* Again, to my luck, he only replied "It comes in green, too."


"Open mouth, insert foot" seems to have been my lifelong operating principle.
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  #8  
Old 14 June 2017, 12:18 AM
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ganzfeld ganzfeld is offline
 
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It would be hard to put the most embarrassing gaffes into print. (Self-inflicted salt, meet self-inflicted wound. Wound, this is salt.) This story is one that I can laugh at myself about whenever I see a certain book on the shelf: A first-time visitor says to me, "Oh, you have this book. Do you like it?" Yes, I say, very much so but it is a bit outdated. "Outdated?? I am one of the authors." Oh, well, ahem. No way of taking that back. So I had to say it was true. Again. I mean, I'm not going to lie about something like that. (It's an honour to meet you all the same! The conversation didn't last... although, happily, I have since had an opportunity to amend that.)
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Old 15 June 2017, 05:42 PM
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Every now and then, I am so tired that I go right to bed once I get home. Some time ago I did that and woke up at 7:30. Oh no, I'm late! says me. Why does the daylight look weird? I dunno, but I better call my supervisor to tell her that my alarm didn't go off and....never mind! It's 7:30 PM, not AM which explains why the daylight looks weird.
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Old 15 June 2017, 07:45 PM
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I did one like that too, DawnStorm.
I came home in the dark at 6:30 and sat down on the bed. I laid back for a bit and fell asleep waking again at 7:20. It was dark out side and I thought it was morning so I ran outside to my car and headed off to work thinking I was twenty minutes late. As I pulled out of my driveway I saw that the grocery store next door was open and realised it was still evening and I was actually eleven and a half hours early.
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Old 15 June 2017, 11:14 PM
UrbanLegends101 UrbanLegends101 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernLite View Post
realised it was still evening and I was actually eleven and a half hours early.
I actually made it to work....and could not figure out why the faces didn't seem right, until it dawned on me I was 11 hours ahead of my shift.
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Old 23 June 2017, 02:14 PM
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Just now.
I needed to get back into the office area, and I realized that I'd forgotten to take my badge with me. Here's how it went down...

Me to receptionist: can I use your badge? I need to get in.

Receptionist: the door's open

And so it was....

I will hurry back to my village this afternoon, I promise!
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Old 07 February 2018, 07:16 PM
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This one starts out as a story about someone else, but I show up eventually.

My wife's grandfather (who I never met) was an insurance salesman. One of his clients was Jackson Pollock. When Pollock had trouble coming up with a payment, he said "why don't you just take one of my paintings?" Grandpa looked at the studio full of drip-and-spatter canvases and declined the offer, giving the artist more time to pay instead. Today, of course, those paintings go for tens or hundreds of millions.

I often joked - as does the family - about how stupid the man was. Then last week I saw an episode of Antiques Roadshow in which a Keith Haring subway drawing was appraised for 30 to 50 thousand dollars. And a memory came back to me.

In the early 1980s, a friend was giving me and another friend or two a ride. He said "I'm trying to clear stuff out of the apartment - anyone want this Keith Haring subway drawing?" (It was comparable to the one on the TV show.) I looked at another person in the car and we both went "Naaaah, he's kind of passe."

My wife says I can never make fun of her grandfather again.
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Old 08 February 2018, 02:04 PM
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Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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The first time I stood up on skis was also the first time I fell down. I laughed so hard I'm sure I attracted attention--not because I fell (which was embarrassing, but not fatally so) but because I was laughing like a loon.

Another time I had the type of fall we always called a yard-sale (because everything you were carrying and half of what you were wearing end up scattered across the slope). I then had a heck of a time stopping myself, because I was on my back and one ski was still attached. When I finally did stop, I lay there--again, laughing like a loon. Eventually, I got up and collected my scattered belongings.

Seaboe
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Old 08 February 2018, 03:50 PM
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A couple of lifetimes ago, I was a "programmer" in an Actuarial department. We were retiring a system used by other departments for keeping track of employee tasks. I was writing a memo to the managers along the lines of "we'll archive the data for 5 years; if you need it after that, ...", and I didn't know how I wanted to word the next phrase, so (as a placeholder), I put in "tough." Went on, finished the memo, hit "send".

The president of the company printed out the memo, circled the "tough" and wrote "Good!", and sent it back to me.
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Old 08 February 2018, 04:05 PM
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Many years ago . . .

I was travelling around the country, by car, often sleeping in a tent.

I set up the tent next to my car at a campground one night, crawled into the tent, and went to sleep. Nothing embarrassing about that so far.

I woke up the next morning, and, still half asleep, climbed back out of the tent, and looked up. No car! Where was my car? I shouted out loud, "What happened to my car!!?" A couple of people walking nearby looked over, then walked rapidly away from the irrational shouting person.

I then turned around. My car was on the other side of the tent.
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Old 08 February 2018, 06:07 PM
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I used to have a running joke with a friend where I'd remind her to do laundry. Part of the joke was that she referred to doing laundry as "naked time". So I set up a reminder on my phone to remind me to remind her.

Then I went on vacation to Australia, on a small group tour. Our guide let us hook our phones and other music players up to the bus's stereo system for the whole group to listen to. So at one point we stopped for a hike while the guide stayed on the bus, and I left my phone sitting at the front of the bus hooked up to the stereo. When we got back, the guide announced in front of everyone "While you were gone the alarm on your phone went off, and the reminder said 'naked time'..."
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Old 08 February 2018, 06:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thorny locust View Post
I set up the tent next to my car at a campground one night, crawled into the tent, and went to sleep.
At least you crawled into the right tent.

Seaboe
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Old 08 February 2018, 07:30 PM
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I think I must have been more awake when I got into the tent than when I got out of it.
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Old 07 March 2018, 04:03 PM
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Last year, I was in Target and saw these cute jammy pants on clearance, with little dreidls all over them. It was several months after Hanukkah, but I figured that's why they were on clearance. I liked them so much, and they were so cheap, I bought one pair for me and a second that I sent to my daughter (in Seattle at the time). I called her the next week and asked if she got the dreidle jammies. There was a pause and then she said "Dreidls? I thought they were nail polish bottles." Yup, they were.

This morning on the bus, I dropped my water bottle, but caught it between my feet before it hit the floor. I was quite proud of myself. A few hours later, in a large employee meeting in a recently renovated auditorium, I knocked the same water bottle over (also done with my feet). And when it fell, the lid came open. It's a wide-mouth bottle, so quite a lot of water spilled - on the brand-new carpet. Which is quite absorbent, fortunately.
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