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  #21  
Old 20 July 2007, 02:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Christie View Post
Good for Abby for including this in her column!

Which does lead me to wonder though whether this letter is legit. I find it difficult to believe that this woman would assume sex ed was taught at her daughter's schools and she would never have been aware of it. Never once? Pretty difficult to swallow that one, frankly.
Could have been a class like my high school had - technically it was a health class that was supposed to include sex ed, but instead a coach "taught" it and they spent the entire period eating popcorn, watching movies, and telling dirty jokes. There was absolutely no factual information passed on during the 9 week course.
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  #22  
Old 20 July 2007, 02:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Astra View Post
Could have been a class like my high school had - technically it was a health class that was supposed to include sex ed, but instead a coach "taught" it and they spent the entire period eating popcorn, watching movies, and telling dirty jokes. There was absolutely no factual information passed on during the 9 week course.
Perhaps it was just a case of the letter writer not being clear about what she meant.

When she said:

Quote:
My stupidity was assuming that sex education and pregnancy prevention were taught in her school. I never broached the subject with her.
Maybe she really meant "my mistake was assuming that sex education and pregnancy prevention were taught well in her school". That would make a lot more sense to me.
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  #23  
Old 20 July 2007, 05:44 AM
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Originally Posted by kjbrasda View Post
...thought you had to poke holes in your nipples with a needle feed a baby.
Reminds me of a blonde joke (it's ok, 'cos I'm blond, too):

"Why didn't the blonde breastfeed?"

"It hurt too much to boil the nipples!"



(Never underestimate the power of human stupidity)
-rogue
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  #24  
Old 20 July 2007, 05:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Christie View Post
Maybe she really meant "my mistake was assuming that sex education and pregnancy prevention were taught well in her school". That would make a lot more sense to me.
Yeah, I thought that was the most likely scenario.
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  #25  
Old 20 July 2007, 06:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Astra View Post
Could have been a class like my high school had - technically it was a health class that was supposed to include sex ed, but instead a coach "taught" it and they spent the entire period eating popcorn, watching movies, and telling dirty jokes. There was absolutely no factual information passed on during the 9 week course.
Mine was also taught by a coach; but he did the regular health classes (ie, non-sex ed ones) too. There were two 8th grade health/PE classes, and we alternated: they had PE while we completed a chapter in the health book, then we had PE for twice as long since their coach/teacher would just stand at the front of the room and wait until they were wuiet before going on.

My teacher covered what was in the book (and this was Abstinence Awareness class, at least according to the permission slip) which included: STDs, use-a-condom-if-you-have-sex-but-don't-have-sex (no banana or cucumber demonstrations of how to put one on, contrary to what tv and books insisted) and the whole fertilization of the egg thing- but he blushed the whole time.
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  #26  
Old 20 July 2007, 10:32 AM
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I'll bet her father's attitude has a lot to do with what Marissa did and didn't learn as well. It's clear enough that the mother didn't approve of his sexist, puritanical "joke," and good for her. But I'll bet his outlook had a big influence on the family in general.
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  #27  
Old 20 July 2007, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by kjbrasda View Post
You'd be suprised what people believe if they aren't taught sex education at school or at home.

A room mate of mine who was in her early 20's thought you had to poke holes in your nipples with a needle feed a baby. When asked how animals cope, she said "Well, I guess they just gnaw the end off, don't they?"
A friend of mine used to believe that the best way to teach sex ed was to be sure your child was not exposed to it in any way whatsoever. That way, one day, when something was about to happen they would do anything.

One specific discussion was as follows:

We were talking about a girl getting tricked into sex by a guy that tells her she can't get pregnant the first time or can't get pregnant if he "pulls out."

My friend actually said he believed if the girl had never had any sex education, she would actually say, "Uh, I've never heard that. I'd better check that out with my father first."

He also didn't seem to get the concept that kids are going to be exposed to sex and sexual subjects, even if they aren't taught it at home, so it might be a good idea to be sure they get the correct information.
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  #28  
Old 20 July 2007, 03:19 PM
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This is the main reason that I make sure that I have frank, age-appropriate discussions with my kids about sex, birth control, and the consequences. When we were in school, we had GREAT sex ed. I wish that all schools taught it how our teacher taught it. But, it still didn't keep me from getting pregnant my senior year of high school. If my mother had talked to me as frankly as my teacher had (and as I'm trying to do with my kids), I wouldn't have been too scared to tell her that I needed birth control. But, as it was, I didn't even tell her that I was pregnant until I was about 5 months along.
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  #29  
Old 20 July 2007, 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted by robbiev View Post
A friend of mine used to believe that the best way to teach sex ed was to be sure your child was not exposed to it in any way whatsoever. That way, one day, when something was about to happen they would do anything.
I hope you meant to say that they wouldn't do anything
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  #30  
Old 20 July 2007, 04:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kjbrasda View Post
You'd be suprised what people believe if they aren't taught sex education at school or at home.
A room mate of mine who was in her early 20's thought you had to poke holes in your nipples with a needle feed a baby. When asked how animals cope, she said "Well, I guess they just gnaw the end off, don't they?"
Did she say what she thought would happen if you didn't poke holes? Would they explode??

ETA: I went to a Christian Middle/High School, and for the record actually had pretty good sex ed. In High School, we had one teacher who actually managed to get good discussion going without everyone clamming up and being embarrassed. It wasn't even just technical (although we did talk about stds, etc) but also just good discussion on what out definition of sex was, how we came to that conclusion, whether we had set personal limits for ourselves, and if so, how to stick to that and not be pressured into doing things we didn't want to.

*Much* more beneficial (imo) than some of the strictly clinical sex ed, but obviously not intended to be the first introduction either, since it was high school level discussion.
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  #31  
Old 20 July 2007, 04:13 PM
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imjustasteph imjustasteph is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robbiev View Post
A friend of mine used to believe that the best way to teach sex ed was to be sure your child was not exposed to it in any way whatsoever. That way, one day, when something was about to happen they would do anything.

One specific discussion was as follows:

We were talking about a girl getting tricked into sex by a guy that tells her she can't get pregnant the first time or can't get pregnant if he "pulls out."

My friend actually said he believed if the girl had never had any sex education, she would actually say, "Uh, I've never heard that. I'd better check that out with my father first."

He also didn't seem to get the concept that kids are going to be exposed to sex and sexual subjects, even if they aren't taught it at home, so it might be a good idea to be sure they get the correct information.
I know my 13yo almost-step-daughter knows the basics (she informed me at age seven she'd 'seen it on a movie with mommy') but I have wondered if she knows about those tricks. I'm actually planning on working it into a conversation with her in the not-too-distant-future. I already know from her myspace page that she's a sucker for a guy who seems sad and pitiful....

Withholding information is such a poor way to keep control....
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  #32  
Old 21 July 2007, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by diddy View Post
I hope you meant to say that they wouldn't do anything
Whoops! thanks for the catch. :o
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  #33  
Old 21 July 2007, 04:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imjustasteph View Post
I already know from her myspace page that she's a sucker for a guy who seems sad and pitiful....

Withholding information is such a poor way to keep control....
Awww, is she a Connor Oberst fan?


According to your friend's logic, then, the point would be for her father to tell her that, no, Virginia, having sex the first time/while upside down/standing up/with an aspirin between your legs won't keep you from getting knocked up. In any case, they would be talking about sex at that point--why not just discuss it *before* she ever gets into a sexual situation? Or would that be too logical and possibly embarassing?
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  #34  
Old 21 July 2007, 06:34 PM
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Ramblin' Dave Ramblin' Dave is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robbiev View Post
We were talking about a girl getting tricked into sex by a guy that tells her she can't get pregnant the first time or can't get pregnant if he "pulls out."

My friend actually said he believed if the girl had never had any sex education, she would actually say, "Uh, I've never heard that. I'd better check that out with my father first."
Similarly, I knew a girl in junior high - sexually active at age 14 - who didn't use condoms. Why not? Well, she wasn't worried about AIDS because she was straight, and she had somehow gotten it into her head that you could only get pregnant if you had sex during your period (which, of course, is really when it's least likely to happen for most women). I don't know where she'd gotten either of those ideas, but I do know that she did not feel any need to run them by her parents!
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  #35  
Old 21 July 2007, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Ramblin' Dave View Post
Similarly, I knew a girl in junior high - sexually active at age 14 - who didn't use condoms. Why not? Well, she wasn't worried about AIDS because she was straight, and she had somehow gotten it into her head that you could only get pregnant if you had sex during your period (which, of course, is really when it's least likely to happen for most women). I don't know where she'd gotten either of those ideas, but I do know that she did not feel any need to run them by her parents!
Oh, don't you know? AIDS is a gay people's disease. All we have to do is make all the gays straight and it will go away!
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  #36  
Old 21 July 2007, 07:55 PM
Singing in the Drizzle Singing in the Drizzle is offline
 
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My parents did not give us the talk about the birds and the bees as such. Spending half are time growing up of a farm, we learned from a young age about the horses, cows, goats, pigs and other animals on the farm. When it came time for talk about birth control, they just ask what we learned in school and found they were teaching everything we needed to know and if we had question to ask. If us boy needs condoms to please ask and use until you decide to have children. I'm sure thing were similar for my sister.

It scares me every time I hear some talk about how then have to protect their/our children finding out anything about sex. They are going to find out anyways sooner or later. Isn't better to teach then about it and the responsiblies of it starting at a young age. You do not have to go into graphic details, but at least answer the question honestly and give your moral reasoning for do or not doing something.
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  #37  
Old 21 July 2007, 08:25 PM
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I'd have thought the first clue would of been when the water melted he asprin.
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  #38  
Old 21 July 2007, 08:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amigone201 View Post
Oh, don't you know? AIDS is a gay people's disease. All we have to do is make all the gays straight and it will go away!
Of course. We all know how ebil teh gays are!

I got "the talk" from a gay uncle, and I turned out perfectly normal, and I'm not even gay. Wow.
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  #39  
Old 21 July 2007, 08:56 PM
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Cervus Cervus is offline
 
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As far as my parents are concerned, sex is a horrible, naughty thing that doesn't really exist. It's an absolutely taboo topic in our household. My parents' idea of sex ed was to teach me absolutely nothing. Nothing about reproduction, nothing about the difference between boys and girls, nothing about where babies came from, nothing about how my body worked. I guess they figured that if I didn't know anything about it, I wouldn't grow up and have sex. They could keep me an innocent little girl forever and they wouldn't have to worry about me being corrupted by evil boys.

I guess it's not surprising I grew up thinking women just spontaneously became pregnant after getting married. They did such a good job of shielding me from anything remotely sex-related that I had no idea what a penis was until 7th grade health class (and even then I was confused for a long time). I knew boys had a "thing" but I didn't know what that thing was or what it looked like. When other kids at school talked about "doing it" I thought they meant making out. Health classes were horribly embarrasing for me, because sex is just something my family absolutely does not talk about. I had never really heard those terms spoken aloud before, and the matter-of-fact attitude my teachers and fellow students used to approach sex ed made me gush buckets of sweat and hide my humiliated face. I don't think I could have turned any more shades of red. It was made even worse by the fact that I realized all these kids had known the basic facts of life since they were about 5, and here I was feeling like a Victorian woman on her wedding night.

Since I spent most of sex ed wishing I were somewhere else, I can't remember what approach our school used. I think it was just the biological how-to and then a brief discussion of birth control methods. I never actually saw any; we never got any instruction and I never even saw a condom until I was an adult. Our school mostly focused on abstinence to prevent STD's...they didn't seem to treat pregnancy as a huge concern, but they chose STD's as their main scare tactics. But I could be misremembering, because I seem to recall a teacher insisting that no birth control method worked and that you'd always end up pregnant no matter what you did.

Unlike other anecdotes, mine doesn't end up with me pregnant at 15 from ignorance. Even by the time I became an adult and had educated myself (and ironically developed a normal sex life with no hang-ups) I suffered from a combination of being unpopular and being extremely picky about people I was attracted to. I didn't end up having sex until I was 21, by which point I'd already studied biology and animal reproduction (to my mother's horror).

My parents also shielded me from religion. We celebrated Christmas and God was sometimes mentioned, but never explained. Like sex, religion was a popular topic among my classmates and it made me feel even more of a confused outcast when I didn't know any more about God and church than I did about sex. I don't hold that against my parents - in fact, I think the best thing they did for me was to bring me up without any religion - but it still led to a lot of confusion and embarassment on my part when I was in school.
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  #40  
Old 21 July 2007, 10:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cervus View Post
They did such a good job of shielding me from anything remotely sex-related that I had no idea what a penis was until 7th grade health class (and even then I was confused for a long time). I knew boys had a "thing" but I didn't know what that thing was or what it looked like.
Concerning differences between men and women, we Finns have one advantage: the sauna. It is very common for the whole family to go the sauna together, especially when the kids are young. I saw at a very young age what my father looked like naked, and how he was different from my mom. It obviously brings up questions, which parents hopefully can give sensible answers to. I do realize there are different attitudes towards this even among Finns, but when I was a kid, it was perfectly normal for girls to go to the sauna with their dads. I stopped doing so when I was about 11-12 years old, when I hit puberty.
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