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  #1  
Old 05 December 2007, 03:15 AM
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snopes snopes is offline
 
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Icon81 Gold, Fur and Common Sense

My husband and I had been happily
Married (most of the time)
For five years
But hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious
Praying and promised God
That if he would give us a child,
I would be a perfect mother,
Love it with all my heart
And raise it with His word
As my guide.

God answered my prayers
And blessed us with a son.

The next year God blessed us
With another son.

The following year,
He blessed us with
Yet another son.

The year after that we
Were blessed with a daughter.

My husband thought we'd
Been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
And the oldest was only
Four years old.

I learned never to ask God
For anything unless I meant it.
As a minister once told me,
"If you pray for rain,
Make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses
Of the Bible to the children
Each day as they lay in their cribs.

I was off to a good start.
God had entrusted me
With four children and
I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day
The children smashed
Two dozen eggs on
The kitchen floor searching
For baby chicks.

I tried to be understanding...
When they started a hotel for
Homeless frogs in the spare bedroom, although it took me nearly two hours
To catch all twenty-three frogs.

When my daughter poured
Ketchup all over herself and
Rolled up in a blanket to see
How it felt to be a hot dog,
I tried to see the humor
Rather than the mess.

In spite of changing over
Twenty-five thousand diapers,
Never eating a hot meal
And never sleeping for more
Than thirty minutes at a time,
I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise
To be a perfect mother -
I didn't even come close...
I did keep my promise
To raise them in the Word of God.

I knew I was missing the mark
Just a little when I told
My daughter we were going
To church to worship God,
And she wanted to bring
A bar of soap along to
"wash up" Jesus, too.

Something was lost
In the translation when
I explained that
God gave us everlasting life,
And my son thought it was
Generous of God to give
Us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came
During the children's
Christmas pageant.

My daughter was playing Mary,
Two of my sons were shepherds
And my youngest son was a wise man.
This was their moment to shine.

My five-year-old shepherd
Had practiced his line,
"We found the babe wrapped
In swaddling clothes."

But he was nervous and said,
"The baby was wrapped
In wrinkled clothes."

My four-year-old "Mary" said,
"That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.
That's dirty, rotten clothes."

A wrestling match broke out
Between Mary and the shepherd
And was stopped by an angel,
Who bent her halo and lost
Her left wing.

I slouched a little lower
In my seat when Mary
Dropped the doll representing
Baby Jesus, and it bounced
Down the aisle crying,
"Mama-mama."

Mary grabbed the doll,
Wrapped it back up
And held it tightly as
The wise men arrived.

My other son stepped forward
Wearing a bathrobe
And a paper crown,
Knelt at the manger
And announced,
"We are the three wise men,
And we are bringing gifts
Of gold,
Common sense
And fur."

The congregation
Dissolved into laughter,
And the pageant
Got a standing ovation.

"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
Program as much as this one,"
Laughed the pastor,
Wiping tears from his eyes.

"For the rest of my life,
I'll never hear the
Christmas story without
Thinking of
Gold,
Common sense
And fur."

"My children are my pride
And my joy and my greatest
Blessing," I said as I dug
Through my purse for an aspirin.

Jesus had no servants,
Yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree,
Yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines,
Yet they called Him Healer.

Had no army,
Yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime,
Yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.

Feel honored
to serve such a Leader
who loves us.
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  #2  
Old 05 December 2007, 03:33 AM
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Dropbear Dropbear is offline
 
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Location: Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
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And the point of this rambling, weirdly formatted story of standard, if occasionally amusing, parent stories and mondegreens is what? How does it hang together as a consistent message?

Simply putting the old "Jesus had no servants .." schtick at the end isn't good enough. Yes, you love your kids and they say funny things - so post them onto the "kids say the darndest things" section of the women's mags and get a prize. Sticking a few 'I love God' bits in but failing to tie them together in a coherent way with the central theme of the death and resurrection of christ is simply unacceptable.

Now take it back and try again.

Dropbear
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  #3  
Old 05 December 2007, 10:47 AM
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Lancastrian Lancastrian is offline
 
Join Date: 17 March 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 403
Teacher

Note to self: don't pray to god for a specific item because he can't count.
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  #4  
Old 05 December 2007, 10:59 AM
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boogers boogers is offline
 
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Location: Albuquerque, NM
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Cute, but the Christmas pageant scene in Rudolfo Anaya's Bless Me, Ultima was better.
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  #5  
Old 05 December 2007, 01:17 PM
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Ieuan ab Arthur Ieuan ab Arthur is offline
 
Join Date: 19 October 2005
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 2,194
Icon05

Hi All:

Quote:
Originally Posted by snopes View Post
"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
Program as much as this one,"
Laughed the pastor,
Wiping tears from his eyes.

"For the rest of my life,
I'll never hear the
Christmas story without
Thinking of
Gold,
Common sense
And fur."
OK, where's the tie-in? Come on, people, we have the set-up with the "gold, common sense and fur." Even the poorest of glurgers will somehow (no matter how unsuccessfully) try and tie this in to some sort of homily. But what do we get here?

Spit in a bucket.

This glurger isn't even trying. I call "shenanigans" on this one.

One poor effort - that's all I can say. I'm very disappointed.

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "shocked and stunned" ab Arthur
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  #6  
Old 05 December 2007, 01:20 PM
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damian damian is offline
 
Join Date: 14 April 2005
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 6,494
Default

He had no proof of his existence
but a billion people still believe this crap.
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  #7  
Old 05 December 2007, 03:52 PM
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Richard W Richard W is offline
 
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Location: High Wycombe, UK
Posts: 26,119
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Quote:
God answered my prayers
And blessed us with a son.

The next year God blessed us
With another son.

The following year,
He blessed us with
Yet another son.

The year after that we
Were blessed with a daughter.
"Stop, God, stop!"
we cried.

But he didn't.
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  #8  
Old 05 December 2007, 09:10 PM
rynder
 
Posts: n/a
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God sounds like one of those evil sadistic genies that screw up your wishes if you don't word them carefully.
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  #9  
Old 05 December 2007, 09:23 PM
Pogue Mahone
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ieuan ab Arthur View Post
OK, where's the tie-in?
Come on, the tie-in is obvious.

The glurge is just like god with the children.

He went one ... and on ... and on ... and on. Neither knew where to stop.

Pogue
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  #10  
Old 09 December 2007, 09:23 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Location: Montgomery County, MD
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard W View Post
"Stop, God, stop!"
we cried.

But he didn't.


Apparently the couple didn't either.
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  #11  
Old 09 December 2007, 11:42 PM
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Canuckistan Canuckistan is offline
 
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Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 30,122
Frying Pan

Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnStorm View Post
Apparently the couple didn't either.
Apparently, they didn't realize that they had a very big part in the creation of all those blessings.

Two more failures of abstinence-only sex education.
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  #12  
Old 10 December 2007, 12:21 AM
Esprise Me's Avatar
Esprise Me Esprise Me is offline
 
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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How does one end up with four children and a spare bedroom?
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  #13  
Old 10 December 2007, 01:32 PM
TomBernard
 
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"The year after that we
Were blessed with a daughter."

"Who planted her tu-lips where she oughter."

"Burma Shave."
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  #14  
Old 10 December 2007, 02:09 PM
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Nonny Mouse Nonny Mouse is offline
 
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Location: Halifax, NS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Esprise Me View Post
How does one end up with four children and a spare bedroom?
By having more than three bedrooms and making same-sex kids share.

Nonny
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  #15  
Old 19 December 2007, 08:55 AM
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Rachael Rachael is offline
 
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Location: Kenai, AK
Posts: 133
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Whoa, for a second I thought this was about the Duggar family.
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  #16  
Old 20 December 2007, 01:34 AM
Saint James Saint James is offline
 
Join Date: 16 July 2007
Location: Ventura, CA
Posts: 1,259
And here I was expecting a rebuttal to the Christmas classic "do you hear what I hear"

Quote:
A Child, a Child
Shivers in the cold
Let us bring Him silver and gold
Fur would at least help with the shivering. Especially if it came as a blanket. (Peta please don't hurt me. )

Wise men? More like wise guys...

Common sense might have made a good gift too. One many of His followers could benefit from. You know the kind - the ones who ignore the beatitudes in favor some minor verse way back in Numbers.

Saint "not really a saint" James
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  #17  
Old 20 December 2007, 01:36 AM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Location: Montgomery County, MD
Posts: 16,616
D'oh!

That's a pet peeve I have with that song. I kind of like it, but when I hear the shivers in the cold...lets bring him silver and gold, I think: yeah, that'll keep Him warm! Try taking Him a blanket you moron!
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  #18  
Old 22 December 2007, 09:10 PM
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One-Fang One-Fang is offline
 
 
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With silver and gold, one can buy many blankets.
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  #19  
Old 24 December 2007, 01:56 PM
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JoFo JoFo is offline
 
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Location: Montreal, Quebec
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Ok, so it's corny, has no useful message and is too religious. I still found this glurge to be super cute though. Sue me.
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  #20  
Old 30 December 2007, 09:11 AM
liebeslied
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lancastrian View Post
Note to self: don't pray to god for a specific item because he can't count.
Hmm...can I pray for a husband?
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