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  #21  
Old 27 November 2018, 03:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jusenkyo no Pikachu View Post
...but are they truly godawful?
Ask my wife.
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  #22  
Old 27 November 2018, 04:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jusenkyo no Pikachu View Post
I’ve heard ChasFink’s joke, but I’ve heard it as about a potion for dolphin immortality which used a myna (“Transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises”).
That version is actually a bit funnier to me, but my version does have the advantage of being put into a classical musical setting. (The piece as a whole begins at 1:08, after the introduction, and this joke begins at 9:10.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jusenkyo no Pikachu View Post
But…I dunno…I mean, all of these are groaners, but are they truly godawful? I don’t mean as in Justin Bieber, I mean as in Girls With Attitude (you may regret clicking on that. I suggest at least wearing headphones to minimise external damage).
Perhaps this earlier movement of the same piece will come a bit closer to godawful - but no, not as bad as GWA.


What is the question to which the answer is Washington Irving?
What was the name of our first president, Seymour?

What is the question to which the answer is 9W?
Do you spell your name with a V, Mr. Wagner?

What is the question to which the answer is Chicken Terriyaki?
What is the name of the only living kamikaze pilot?

What is the question to which the answer is Dr. Livingston, I presume?
What is your full name, Dr. Presume?
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  #23  
Old 27 November 2018, 04:21 PM
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I was talking with a guy from the Bronx who told me about the time a dolphin rider hit his boat. I asked if he thought it was an accident and he said "no, he did it on porpoise."
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  #24  
Old 27 November 2018, 06:57 PM
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A peanut walked into a bar...
it was a salted.



A guy is at a bar when he sees a man enter with a box, place it on the counter and out of the box steps a little, foot tall man pushing a piano. The little man immediately starts playing mood music.
"that's incredible" says the first man "how did you get it"
"I got it from a genie' says the second "I'm willing to part with the lamp for 20 bucks"
"20 bucks! It's a deal!

The first man grabs the lamp and goes to the washrooms and proceeds to rub the lamp vigorously. A genie appears!
"What is your wish?"
"I want a million bucks!"
*bam*
The washroom fills with fowl after fowl after fowl. Ducks quacking everywhere, popping out of the windows, racing down the street.
The first man finds the second and screams
"You could have told me the genie has trouble understanding!"
Second man replies "you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
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  #25  
Old 27 November 2018, 07:33 PM
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Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jusenkyo no Pikachu View Post
But…I dunno…I mean, all of these are groaners, but are they truly godawful?
I think godawfulness is in the eye (or ear) of the beholder.

Seaboe
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  #26  
Old 28 November 2018, 08:30 PM
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Dr. Winston O'Boogie Dr. Winston O'Boogie is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
Three men walk in to a bar, you think one of them would have ducked.
I always tell that one as

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
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  #27  
Old 28 November 2018, 09:37 PM
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Ieuan ab Arthur Ieuan ab Arthur is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie View Post
I always tell that one as

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
The other version of this is "A guy walks into a bar. He says 'Ouch'"

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "This Guy Walked Into A Bar" ab Arthur
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  #28  
Old 29 November 2018, 01:48 AM
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Glasses

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


A stick.

Morning
Tip your wait staff!
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  #29  
Old 29 November 2018, 02:37 PM
Kermor Kermor is offline
 
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My turn :

Mr. And Mrs. Avo have a son. Ho did they name him ?

Ken. Ken Avo. (you need a good knowledge of the breton language to understand this one).

How many chickens does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Only one, but first, it has to cross the road.

How many Guardians of the Galaxy does it take to change a lightbulb ?

I am Groot !

Two Germans come into a pub in London. One of them asks : "May we have two Martinis ?" The bartender asks : "Dry ?" "Nein, zwei !"
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  #30  
Old 29 November 2018, 02:41 PM
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A woman had identical twin boys and had to give them up for adoption. One was adopted by an Egyptian family and was named Amal. The other was adopted by a Mexican family and was named Juan. Years later, Juan was able to track down his birth mother and begin correspondence. After a bit, Juan send his birth mother a picture of him. She loved the picture, but lamented to a friend that she wished she had a picture of her other son. That friend pointed out that they are identical twins and said, "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

ETA: Kermor, I'm totally using the Groot one.
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  #31  
Old 29 November 2018, 04:29 PM
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What do yo call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to stand on a trunk.
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  #32  
Old 29 November 2018, 06:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ieuan ab Arthur View Post
The other version of this is "A guy walks into a bar. He says 'Ouch'"

Ta ra 'wan,

Ieuan "This Guy Walked Into A Bar" ab Arthur
The non PG version is:

A Baby seal walks into a club
*thwack*

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  #33  
Old 29 November 2018, 06:17 PM
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't call him, you go get him!


What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?
Bob
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  #34  
Old 29 November 2018, 06:26 PM
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GenYus234 GenYus234 is offline
 
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on your doorstep?
Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on your wall?
Art
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  #35  
Old 29 November 2018, 06:32 PM
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Dr. Winston O'Boogie Dr. Winston O'Boogie is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morning View Post
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


A stick.
What's brown and sticky?

A stick!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alarm View Post
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't call him, you go get him!


What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the ocean?
Bob
Armless legless guy under a car?
Jack

Armless legless guy on your porch?
Matt

Two armless legless guys over a window?
Curt n Rod

Girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen
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  #36  
Old 29 November 2018, 06:37 PM
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GenYus234 GenYus234 is offline
 
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle who?
Isabelle necessary on a bicycle?
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  #37  
Old 29 November 2018, 07:24 PM
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Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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Glasses

What do you call an armless legless man floating in a hot tub?

Stu.

Seaboe
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  #38  
Old 29 November 2018, 07:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
Ask my wife.
Would you like me to take her, please?
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  #39  
Old 29 November 2018, 08:14 PM
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GenYus234 GenYus234 is offline
 
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My wife, I think I'll keep her.
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  #40  
Old 01 December 2018, 10:12 PM
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Because I couldn't get a certain accent out of my head:

What's a doppelganger's favorite demonic Italian food?

Imp pasta.
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