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Old 11 April 2013, 04:25 AM
Venus Venus is offline
 
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Icon102 Asexuality should be recognized as a legit Sexual Orientation

http://www.pittnews.com/index.php/op...al-orientation


In a culture that’s still coming to terms with the many varieties of human sexual attraction and preference, the idea that some people aren’t sexually attracted to anyone seems, to some, like a step too far. But many, like the asexual blogger s.e. smith, believe that “aces” have always been around. And increasingly, they’re not content to be left out of the conversation.

When asked what’s the most important thing she wants people to know about asexuality, Sasha answers bluntly, “that we exist.” She echoes the sentiments of many activists who claim that invisibility is still the biggest obstacle, and describes the relief she felt when she learned about asexuality at 19, after years of reading sexuality textbooks and wondering, “Why don’t I fit in?”
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Old 12 April 2013, 02:01 PM
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Blatherskite Blatherskite is offline
 
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Yes. Yes it should! Our motto should be 'Asexuality: It's A Thing!'

I feel slightly miffed having to fill in 'prefer not to state' on forms that ask about my sexuality just because there is never an option for 'none of the above'. It's impossible to determine how common asexuality really is as long as it remains almost unrecognised as an orientation.

I consider myself very fortunate in the responses I have had. I've read comments online that have made me wish for the ability to slap people over the Internet, but the most negative reaction I've faced in real life has been just a couple of instances of 'You've just not met the right person yet'.

ETA: And I've never quite got the 'too many labels' accusation, although I've read other asexuals make that complaint. These labels aren't all-encompassing and they don't have to be set in stone. If I told you that I'm brown-haired I'm not establishing that my hair will never grow grey or that I'll never dye it, and it doesn't mean I'm lying when I omit the fact that it's something faintly auburn in the summer. It's just a way to describe in simple terms something about me right now. The same is true when I say I'm a pan-romantic asexual. If somebody doesn't know what that means then I'll clarify it, but I think it would be more complicated if I went around describing myself as 'Somebody who isn't physically attracted to people but potentially willing to engage in a romantic relationship with somebody regardless of their gender' every time. As for grays and demisexuals, well, I don't see how it benefits anybody that they should be forced to stick with a category that they don't feel quite applies just because some people get sticks up their arses over having to learn new terminology.

Last edited by Blatherskite; 12 April 2013 at 02:20 PM.
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Old 12 April 2013, 11:21 PM
Venus Venus is offline
 
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Blather do you wear an Ace ring? I just got mine a few weeks ago.
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Old 13 April 2013, 08:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Venus View Post
Quote:
That makes it difficult even for asexuals who are secure in that part of their lives to access mental health care. When asexuals share their gripes, one of the most common narratives is of people who try to get therapy for unrelated issues, only to have their therapists focus all their energies on "curing" the lack of sexual attraction.
I don't about the experience of others but I was fortunate here. About 20 years ago I saw a therapist to help me with several issues, one of which was I was worried about being in my early 30s and never having been in a relationship. My therapist taught me that relationships were not a prerequisite to happiness so I had nothing to worry about.
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Originally Posted by Blatherskite View Post
It's impossible to determine how common asexuality really is as long as it remains almost unrecognised as an orientation.
Agreed.
Quote:
I consider myself very fortunate in the responses I have had. I've read comments online that have made me wish for the ability to slap people over the Internet, but the most negative reaction I've faced in real life has been just a couple of instances of 'You've just not met the right person yet'.
I get this too. Less frequently I also get the "must be gay" since for some reason some people think a never-married man equals to gay. I just roll my eyes at both reactions.
Quote:
And I've never quite got the 'too many labels' accusation, although I've read other asexuals make that complaint
On the labels issue I just shrug. The only minor issue I have is that I keep reading "aromantic," which which also describes me, as "aromatic."

Brian

Last edited by BrianB; 13 April 2013 at 09:13 AM. Reason: Removed the extra comma.
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Old 13 April 2013, 12:35 PM
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damian damian is offline
 
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I've never seen a form that required me to state my sexual orientation. Is this something that is common in other countries?
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Old 13 April 2013, 04:35 PM
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Auburn Red Auburn Red is offline
 
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Originally Posted by BrianB View Post

I get this too. Less frequently I also get the "must be gay" since for some reason some people think a never-married man equals to gay. I just roll my eyes at both reactions.
It's not just a male thing, I get that one too. I don't really know if I'm asexual or not. I have sexual feelings towards men, but haven't acted on it or dated. I certainly fit the "career woman" stereotype in many ways. I don't know if thats asexual, or just a lack of opportunity.
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Old 14 April 2013, 11:26 AM
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Twankydillo Twankydillo is offline
 
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Originally Posted by damian View Post
I've never seen a form that required me to state my sexual orientation. Is this something that is common in other countries?
It is never required. There are often forms attached to other forms (say, a job application) questioning things like religion, race and sexuality. These are equality monitoring forms, and aren't usually dealt with by the people giving the original form and there's always a 'prefer not to say' option. These are used to monitor companies, not individuals.

Sometimes, as well, personal questions might be asked in forms trying to determine the statistics of [whatever it might be] in [wherever it might be]. This isn't always just being nosey but to help things like direction of funding into services, education, or even what events to sponsor based on the background of the people.

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It's not just a male thing, I get that one too. I don't really know if I'm asexual or not. I have sexual feelings towards men, but haven't acted on it or dated. I certainly fit the "career woman" stereotype in many ways. I don't know if thats asexual, or just a lack of opportunity.
I'm not asexual but from what I've been told, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, which you say you feel, not the lack of sex. That would be celibacy rather than asexuality
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Old 16 April 2013, 02:48 AM
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Spamamander Spamamander is offline
 
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I'll admit to not "getting" asexuality, not that I don't believe it exists. It's just foreign to me. My oldest has identified to me as "asexual and bi-romantic", and she has a girlfriend. I don't really "get" how it works, but what's important is that she is happy, and I am glad she is confident in herself.
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Old 16 April 2013, 06:16 AM
Venus Venus is offline
 
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I'm an 'aromantic asexual'. Which is good to know. When I was a teen I just thought I was 'weird'. I always referred to myself as an asexual but I thought it was just a term i made up for myself. I didn't know it was a legit thing until a few years ago when I looked it up online. It still kinda blows my mind to know we have a flag. A rather pretty one too. And I just found out about 'Ace rings' about a month ago. I'd never actually met another Asexual before until a girl came into the store i work at last week wearing a bracelet in the ace colors. I all but pounced on her.
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Old 16 April 2013, 02:10 PM
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ETA: Venus, I don't wear a black ring. I just don't see the point. Non-asexuals will have no idea what it means unless I explain to them, so that makes me wonder what advtanges it has to simply forgoing the ring and going directly to the explanation. Even if it helps me identify myself to other asexuals (and how likely is it that I'll just be walking down the street and an eagle-eyed ace will go 'Hey, nice black ring! Let's meet up for cake some time!'), what then? If I feel the need to seek out other asexuals I'll go online. Besides, I'm all about the pride and such, but the ring smacks too much of 'super special secret club'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spamamander View Post
I'll admit to not "getting" asexuality, not that I don't believe it exists. It's just foreign to me. My oldest has identified to me as "asexual and bi-romantic", and she has a girlfriend. I don't really "get" how it works, but what's important is that she is happy, and I am glad she is confident in herself.
The simplest way I can help you 'get' asexuality is to point out that you have experience of not being attracted to people or not wanting to have sex with people. Even if you are bisexual or pansexual, there must be entire groups you are simply not attracted to (ranging from adults you just don't fancy, to family members and children) as well as people you think are sexy but are just so out of bounds that you never even consider sex with them more than you would consider having sex with a lump of cheese. For asexuals, it's either the first category or the latter category amplified to maximum. You have the basis for comparison, just extend it!

Last edited by Blatherskite; 16 April 2013 at 02:16 PM.
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