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  #1  
Old 09 October 2007, 10:11 AM
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Dog Sussing Out Fake Letters

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Q. I am happily married to a girl in her mid-20s. She recently brought home a Shetland sheepdog that she excitedly explained she had saved from the local pound. Three weeks later, I was in our neighborhood on business and decided to stop by the apartment to save the money I would otherwise spend on lunch. We have a rear door that opens into the living room, and I couldn't believe the scene I discovered upon entering: my wife, nude, spread-eagled on the couch, her Shetland sheepdog lapping eagerly at her pussy, ecstatic moans escaping from her throat! She ran to the bathroom as I stood there, stunned. But the worst was when I noticed the open jar of Nutella sitting on the coffee table, a faint odor of hazelnut and chocolate in the air. We have never spoken about what happened. Are there health concerns she should be aware of?
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  #2  
Old 09 October 2007, 10:28 AM
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Floater Floater is offline
 
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Dog

As long as your wife is not allergic to nuts she will have no problems. Chocolate, on the other hand, can be poisonous to dogs so you'd better be careful not to overfeed him.
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  #3  
Old 09 October 2007, 10:34 AM
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Whalephant

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But the worst was when I noticed the open jar of Nutella sitting on the coffee table, a faint odor of hazelnut and chocolate in the air.
The worst? So if it had been strawberry jam he would have been okay with all of this? Time to rewrite the letter, buddy!
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  #4  
Old 09 October 2007, 10:59 AM
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llewtrah llewtrah is offline
 
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Location: Chelmsford, UK
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Default

Yay, the grand tradition of fake agony letters! When my mum was in her early 20s, some of her male colleagues used to send in fake letters based on old wives tales. Risque by their standards, they're tame compared to that one.

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I took my girlfriend to the cinema. We sat at the back and held hands. Will she get pregnant?
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  #5  
Old 09 October 2007, 03:44 PM
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Dr. Winston O'Boogie Dr. Winston O'Boogie is offline
 
Join Date: 23 February 2000
Location: Fox Lake, IL
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Cheer

Dear Abby, Dear Abby, you won't believe this,
But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss.
My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head,
But my stomach tells me to write you instead.

Signed, Noismaker

Dear Abby has fallen for versions of the John Prine song at least twice.
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  #6  
Old 09 October 2007, 08:17 PM
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ParaDiddle ParaDiddle is offline
 
Join Date: 13 July 2001
Location: Las Vegas, NV
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Default Why does it look like a Bumble-Bee?

Many moons ago, when the Onion was still based in Madison Wisconsin they ran two syndicated advice columns on facing pages. One was Savage Love, written by Dan Savage and the other was Ask Isadora, presumably by someone named Isadora. It was often hilarious because the two writers had a long-standing war of words about the quality of advice each had given. Dan always won, but I assume they were told by higher powers to de-escalate.

Anyway, Isadora's column was dropped before I saw this NSFW in a different publication. I was looking forward to Dan giving Issy the biz over this one.

- P
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  #7  
Old 09 October 2007, 08:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Floater View Post
As long as your wife is not allergic to nuts she will have no problems. .
Surely not the first time there have been nuts down near her pussy.
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  #8  
Old 10 October 2007, 11:08 PM
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Sister Ray Sister Ray is offline
 
Join Date: 03 July 2000
Location: Columbus, Ohio
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Icon84

The follow up question the next week was even more hilarious.

Quote:
Regarding that letter about a dog licking Nutella off a woman's pussy. Yes, the letter was a fake, but you left out an important detail: Chocolate is poison to dogs! Please note this detail as a warning to any girls or boys who might want to give this a try. It could kill their pet!
Save A Dog


I figure anyone sick enough to try this probably shouldn't own a dog in the first place.
Sister "at least people don't write in en masse to defend the guy" Ray
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  #9  
Old 02 November 2007, 04:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeptic View Post
Surely not the first time there have been nuts down near her pussy.
"I'm talking about her cat..................That cat was the best $*#!* I ever had." (thank you Steve Martin)
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