Unhijackable

[Kallah]

Originally Posted by DrRocket

For the moment, only the one brother is talking to him. We found him. He didn't reach out to us. We're afraid if we all try and contact him at once, and interrogate him about when what and why, he'll spook out, and disappear again.

My sympathy goes out to your brother. Just having contact with one member of a group he clearly does not want to interact with may be extremely stressful to him, and the very idea that you and other family members feel that you want to "interrogate" him makes me deeply uneasy. The idea that your family members would potentially pressure him so much that you believe it would make him give up his job and his home of nearly 20 years is appalling to me. Assuming that your brother is mentally healthy and competent, and you have at this time given no reason to assume that is not the case, he has every right to live the life he has chosen and any contact (or continued lack of it) should be firmly in his control.

You said that you wanted to know if he was alive and well, and you have that information now. You got what you wanted, please do not potentially destroy your brother's life just to ease your further curiosity.

[DrRocket]

Originally Posted by Kallah

You said that you wanted to know if he was alive and well....

Yes, I did. Is there something unnatural or unhealthy about that?

and you have that information now.

Yes, we do, and I'm glad to have it.

please do not potentially destroy your brother's life just to ease your further curiosity.

"Just" to ease my curiosity?? Well excuse me. He's my brother. I love him dearly. I missed him. I wondered if he was safe, hoppy, hell, alive. So did our parents.

None of us, save for the one brother who did contact him have called him, We are not going to until he says it's OK. We've all already agreed we'll not ask any questions as to why he felt the need to leave as he did. If he doesn't want to talk to me, I'll not call him.

I absolutely reject your inference of ill and selfish intent.

[Kallah]

Originally Posted by DrRocket

I absolutely reject your inference of ill and selfish intent.

I directly quoted you in my previous post. You chose to use words and phrases like "interrogate" and "he'll spook out, and disappear again". Your wording appears to repeatedly reinforce that you want this information and/or connection and that your brother does not. If that was not your intention I apologize, but again, you used extremely strong and specific wording.

Edit:

None of us, save for the one brother who did contact him have called him, We are not going to until he says it's OK. We've all already agreed we'll not ask any questions as to why he felt the need to leave as he did. If he doesn't want to talk to me, I'll not call him.

Not all of this information was not in your original post, and has a considerably different tone than your first post.

Edit:

Clarified my own wording.

[Lainie]

When Dr. Rocket used the word "interrogate," it was clear to me that he was describing the behavior that he and his brothers are avoiding.

[Richard W]

Originally Posted by ASL

The test is pretty simple. Were they alive when the other person was alive? If no, then they couldn’t possibly have known them. Guaranteed any children now living fall into that category for both world wars. They’re memorializing people they have no memory of.

There was a guy behind the hotel bar last night, who looked as though he was in his early 20s, who had a poppy (on a stem) tattooed up the length of his inner left arm from wrist to elbow, with the words "Lest we forget" in large script...

[mbravo]

Originally Posted by Richard W

There was a guy behind the hotel bar last night, who looked as though he was in his early 20s, who had a poppy (on a stem) tattooed up the length of his inner left arm from wrist to elbow, with the words "Lest we forget" in large script...

I admit I don't really understand the problem. I don't know anyone personally (that I met) who died in the Holocaust, does that make it inappropriate to shed tears for them when at a memorial? To imagine the suffering a person went through in their final moments (or years), even if you don't know them personally?
At an old graveyard, I came across headstones for very young babies that had died, and one that coincided with the death of the mother. I felt empathy for her despite obviously not knowing her and never knowing of her prior to seeing this graveyard. I think this is a natural extension of human empathy. I understand that the romanticization of war as a concept is a problem, and thus romanticizing the deaths of soldiers, but I don't think the lack of direct personal contact is a problem.

[UEL]

Originally Posted by DrRocket

Boy though, it sure is GOOD to know he's alive and well.

I had a sibling disappear for 18 years under similar circumstances. We'd get hints that he was alive (a bill for hospital care, a call for a job reference etc) every couple of years.

In 2013, after the passing of our father, we finally managed to re-establish contact. We were reluctant to jump into a potentially uncomfortable relationship. We took plenty of time and only advanced at the pace we were all comfortable with. And all us siblings now have a growing relationship.

I'm very happy for you DrRocket. I've been in your shoes and can understand completely.

There is no rush, you have the rest of your lives to build that connection.

[thorny locust]

Originally Posted by Lainie

When Dr. Rocket used the word "interrogate," it was clear to me that he was describing the behavior that he and his brothers are avoiding.

Agreeing with this. It read to me in that first post that Dr. Rocket and his brothers are not initiating contact (except for the one brother) because they're afraid that doing so would be perceived as intrusive interrogation.

I wish the parents had been able to know that their son's alive. But of course we don't know (and it's none of our business to know) what may have set off the disappearance.

I have a sister who refuses contact with me and with the rest of the family (with the exception of her own descendents, who she basically took out of the family with her.) But at least we know she's alive, and appears to be living in general location and circumstances of her own choice.

[Hans Off]

Originally Posted by Richard W

There was a guy behind the hotel bar last night, who looked as though he was in his early 20s, who had a poppy (on a stem) tattooed up the length of his inner left arm from wrist to elbow, with the words "Lest we forget" in large script...

which is kind of the point isn’t it? It’s about a cultural and persistent socieatal memory to ensure the horrific mistakes of the past are never repeated.

That being said, the use of the poppy is not restricted to those that fell in the two world wars. People are still getting killed and that chap serving at the bar might have had it to commemorate a close family member or friend.

[thorny locust]

Originally Posted by Hans Off

which is kind of the point isn’t it? It’s about a cultural and persistent socieatal memory to ensure the horrific mistakes of the past are never repeated.

Except that it often seems to be a way of claiming that the horrific mistakes of the past were heroic; and therefore increases the chance of repeating them.

I don't know what the individual person meant by the tattoo. But, at least in the USA, military remembrance ceremonies seem to generally be all about the heroism and the comradeship. Not about the waste. And not about preventing horrific mistakes.

[ASL]

Originally Posted by thorny locust

But, at least in the USA, military remembrance ceremonies seem to generally be all about the heroism and the comradeship. Not about the waste. And not about preventing horrific mistakes.

I’m reminded of how the titular character in Johnny Got His Gun wanted to be put on display, like in a freak show. The brass didn’t go for it, of course. Still, I really digged Donal Sutherland's performance as Jesus Christ.

This has got to be my favorite scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AiFczKckL0

[UEL]

Originally Posted by thorny locust

But, at least in the USA, military remembrance ceremonies seem to generally be all about the heroism and the comradeship. Not about the waste. And not about preventing horrific mistakes.

I think this might be a key difference between our two countries. Here, it is still focussed largely on the loss of life. Many Remembrance Day ceremonies here have readings of letters from the trenches (from WWI), in an effort to not lose the human contact we had with those that were killed.

In Remembrance Day, at least, the jingoism and over use of the word "hero" is not so pronounced. It is getting there on other days, but for the present, Remembrance Day seems to be still about remembering those that died in conflict.

I did a Veteran's Day in Oklahoma one year and was surprised when it was also the date of a medal parade where Silver Stars and Bronze Stars were awarded for actions dating as far back as Vietnam. It was less a commemoration and more of a celebration.

[Beachlife!]

I spend Memorial Day at the Indy 500 every year. They spend some time on honoring memorial day before the race, but I don't know that they ever use the word hero. If they do, its not often.

[thorny locust]

To be fair, it's not as if I've been to a large sampling of these things from all over the USA. I'm going in large part on what I read in the news.

ETA: but I don't think I've ever either seen, or read about, such a service at which a significant point was made of 'that entire war (or even that specific battle) was a horrific mistake, remember all those wasted lives and let's not do that again.'

They don't sing Waltzing Matilda. They don't sing Johnny Got His Gun. I suspect there'd be a huge outcry if they did any such thing.

Maybe they do in some countries, or even some place in the USA; I don't know.

[1958Fury]

Last night, a car hit my neighbor's truck parked in front of my house (I live in a fourplex). It's the second time this has happened this year (different neighbor's car the other other time). There's nothing particularly difficult about this section of street, no sharp curves, and cars are parked on the street all up and down this neighborhood, so I'm not sure what's so special about my house.

My wife and I were actually playing a video game where you intentionally crash cars, when we heard the crash outside. The driver's car suffered a lot more damage than the parked pickup truck (which is quite large). He was disoriented, possibly in shock, and didn't speak English very well, so we never found out why he lost control. It was raining, but the roads didn't feel very slick. My wife says she thought she smelled alcohol, but I don't know. We called the police, and stayed with the guy until the ambulance arrived.

[Seaboe Muffinchucker]

Originally Posted by 1958Fury

It was raining, but the roads didn't feel very slick.

What doesn't feel slick to your feet may well be slick to car tires.

Seaboe

[1958Fury]

True. I'm wondering how fast he was going (speed limit is 30), because he pushed the truck a few feet onto the lawn.