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  #1  
Old 25 November 2018, 01:36 PM
Jusenkyo no Pikachu Jusenkyo no Pikachu is offline
 
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Location: Queensland, Australia
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Default Godawful jokes

Some from Bad Kids Jokes, some from a co-worker who isnít entirely smart.

Quote:
1+1=Your bum
2+2=Your farts
Thatís the co-worker there. I wish I was making that nonsense up.

Quote:
Knock knock
Whoís there?
Matt Murdock
Matt Murdock who?
Matt Murdock did a poo on the train.
Co-worker again. That time, he actually admitted to not really having a joke.

But lest you think Iím just venting, hereís some bad kids jokes to make you cringe.

Quote:
knock knock
who there
harry
hary who
harry potter and the treuvdsnffewrpep
My favourite book. The best bit is when he encounters the treuvdsnffewrpep in all its glory.

Quote:
Knock knock
Toilet
Toilet cat
Whoís there?
Toilet who?
I was reproducing that one from memory. Aside from my usage of reasonably proper grammar, that one should be correct.

Quote:
where does kylie monmoge get her kebabs

in jasons van
Iíve had this one going through my head for the past week. I got it from the @KidsWriteJokes twitter feed, and while Iím taking it with a grain of salt (how do kids know early Neighbours?), I have to admit the joke does land.

What are your favourite terrible jokes?
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  #2  
Old 26 November 2018, 02:58 PM
Seaboe Muffinchucker's Avatar
Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 19,030
Glasses

What do you call a flood control device built by rodents in Holland?




Hamsterdam.

Seaboe
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  #3  
Old 26 November 2018, 03:12 PM
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NobleHunter NobleHunter is offline
 
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Location: Peterborough, Ontario
Posts: 647
Default

Whenever someone asks this question I think of the Robin Williams machine gunning puns in Bicentennial Man.

(I can only remember two though)

How do you make a hankie dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, does this taste funny to you?
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  #4  
Old 26 November 2018, 03:20 PM
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thorny locust thorny locust is offline
 
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Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 9,896
Default

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Arn.

Arn who?

Arn'cha glad I don't make up more knock knock jokes?
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  #5  
Old 26 November 2018, 03:33 PM
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GenYus234 GenYus234 is offline
 
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Location: Mesa, AZ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NobleHunter View Post
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, does this taste funny to you?
A cannibal shows up late to a feast, he asks, "I am too late for dinner?"
"Yes, everybody's eaten."

A cannibal goes to the doctor and complains of an upset stomach. The doctor asks him what he's been eating.
The cannibal replies he's been eating the men in the brown robes with the shaved heads. He puts them in the pot with some vegetables and boils them.
The doctor says, "That's the problem, those are friars."

Two cannibals are eating, one starts from the feet, one from the head.
The first says, "I'm having a ball."
The other says, "You eat faster than I."
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  #6  
Old 26 November 2018, 03:54 PM
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iskinner iskinner is offline
 
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Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 490
Default

What is the difference between people and computers?

With computers, you put the software into the hardware.
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  #7  
Old 26 November 2018, 06:18 PM
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ChasFink ChasFink is offline
 
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Location: Mineola, NY
Posts: 961
Shifty Eyes

Here's one:
A termite walks into a saloon and says "Is the bar tender here?"


And my absolute favorite bad joke, heard on Hee-Haw many years ago:
It was so cold in the barnyard today I saw a chicken with a capon.
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  #8  
Old 26 November 2018, 06:20 PM
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crocoduck_hunter crocoduck_hunter is offline
 
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Location: Roseburg, OR
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
A cannibal shows up late to a feast, he asks, "I am too late for dinner?"
"Yes, everybody's eaten."

A cannibal goes to the doctor and complains of an upset stomach. The doctor asks him what he's been eating.
The cannibal replies he's been eating the men in the brown robes with the shaved heads. He puts them in the pot with some vegetables and boils them.
The doctor says, "That's the problem, those are friars."

Two cannibals are eating, one starts from the feet, one from the head.
The first says, "I'm having a ball."
The other says, "You eat faster than I."
Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner?

His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
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  #9  
Old 26 November 2018, 07:45 PM
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smittykins smittykins is offline
 
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Location: Seneca Falls, NY
Posts: 2,741
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Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

First musician: Who was that piccolo I saw you with the other day?
Second musician: That was no piccolo, that was my fife!
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  #10  
Old 04 January 2019, 02:32 PM
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E. Q. Taft E. Q. Taft is offline
 
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Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 14,406
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The jokes in the OP reminded me of the attempts of a neural network to write jokes...

A few examples:

Quote:
What do you call a cat does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They could worry the banana.

What did the new ants say after a dog?
It was a pirate.

How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A star an alligator and because they are bees.
Or, when it was specifically limited to knock-knock jokes:

Quote:
Knock Knock
Whoís There?
Alther
Water who?
Water who who?
Who who?
Arton and out on the moor?
I don't think our stand-up comics need to worry too much yet.
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  #11  
Old 26 February 2019, 03:26 AM
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crocoduck_hunter crocoduck_hunter is offline
 
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Location: Roseburg, OR
Posts: 13,147
Default

Sometimes you might feel an urge to make a reference to Frozen. You might think that it's super funny and everyone will love it. But it's really not that good. You should just let it go.
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  #12  
Old 26 February 2019, 12:37 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Location: Montgomery County, MD
Posts: 17,014
Default

How do you know there's a thousand hot dogs under your bed?

You're closer to the ceiling.


Who's a great white's favorite comedian?

Groucho Sharks, but he hates his brother Harpoon.
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  #13  
Old 26 February 2019, 02:07 PM
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Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 19,030
Glasses

I'm not sure if this qualifies as godawful, but I saw it the other day and it made me think of this thread:

I wanted to make a pun about chemistry, but they were argon.

Seaboe
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  #14  
Old 26 February 2019, 02:43 PM
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GenYus234 GenYus234 is offline
 
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Location: Mesa, AZ
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Brand new godawful joke I just made up:

I told that joke at a chemistry convention, but I got no reaction.
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